I was toweling off my then 4-year-old son one night after his bath when he pointed to my chest and asked, “Mommy, when will I get those?”
“Only girls grow those, honey,” I explained. “Boys don’t have them.”
“Pawpaw does!” he protested.
I don’t think my stepfather was quite as amused as my mother and I were. 
babay sister used to call butterflies “bacon birdies”…she got the food, she got the flying thing…just not the right ones.
other sister speaks very quickly, and as a little kid was once told to “speak slower”
her response?
“listen faster”
My 3 year old vomited for the first time last night. It really scared him. We finally got him calmed down and cleaned up, and then he saw his bedroom floor, which I hadn’t gotten to clean up yet. He started crying all over again. “I made a big, big mess! I gotta clean it up.” In between the crying and the tears, he started singing “Clean up, clean up, everybody , everywhere. Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share”
lol
My girlfriends sister (now 15, then about 6/7) once broke something of some value.
Her mom sits her down and says, “Well young lady, what do you have to say for yourself?”
A look of deep thought creases her brow before she utters… “You’re welcome”.
Needless to say the cuteness value of that comment got her out of trouble (that Time)
How about me, aged nine, referring to traffic police as Twinkle Toes?
keep this line of thought open, mines only a month old, but with her family tree, she should be coming up with some gems from the start ;)I’ve mentioned my favorite line from 5-year-old MilliCal:
“Daddy, my Imaginary Friend’s friends are telling her that I don’t exist!”
That one still floors me. But she’s come up with some new ones:
“Mommy, if we’re always making things, does that mean that the Earth is getting heavier?”
Sometimes at night she’ll ask me if there are still Ancient Greeks or Ancient Egyptians around. She’s seen movies and cartoons with these characters. I think our answer that there are still Greeks and Egyptians around, but not Ancient Greeks or Egyptians, smacks of equivocation to her. Last night she asked me:
“Daddy, are there still Pilgrims around?”
I explained to her that there weren’t any Pilgrims like she saw in the Thanksgiving books – that people used to dress in that style, but nowadays no one did, and that the people practicing the faith of the Pilgrims evolved into modern-day Congregationalists. She wasn’t buying this.
“Daddy, are there still Pilgrims around, yes or no?”
A little later she came out of bed to ask us “Are there still Indians around?” We told her that there were, and finally got to the bottom of the issue. We’d been to Plymouth Plantation a few times, where they have living actors representing the Pilgrims and the Indians. There were, indeed, still Indians around, and some of them “played” the Abenaki at Plymouth. But even though there were old-time Pilgrims around at Plymouth, there weren’t any Pilgrims in the Real World. How could there be real Indians, but not real Pilgrims, if they were both there at Plymouth?
My two year old loves blueberries. He can’t say it very well and it comes out as “boobies”. So you can imagine my wife’s shock at the grocery store when he yelled out “I want boobies”.
We are teaching him numbers. He knows how old I am, how old mama is, and how old our dog is. I made one modication:
“Ben, how old is daddy?”
“Twenty-nine!”
“How old is Fenway?”
“Four”
“How old is Mama?”
“Old” (She’s thirty).
I also taught him to say “How YOU doin?”, like Joey says on Friends, seductively. One day at a church gathering for stuffing envelopes for our festival, he was running around and starting acting up. My wife went over to try to yell at him to get him to stop. He stopped, looked at her, and said “how YOU doing?”. Everybody broke up in laughter.
Oblong, thanks to you, I now have ice cream splattered all over the monitor! That is so funny!
Yes yes, I know, ice cream isn’t good in the morning, but I’ve been a good girl for two whole weeks and this is the first time I’ve had any and I just couldn’t resist any longer… It was calling me from the freezer
Baby Brown (his name is David) is the youngest of my cousins. He’s been a drama queen ever since he was able to sit upright, and we love him for it. He’s also the youngest of a family of five, and spoiled rotten… and just hilarious.
Not so long ago, David (3 years old) was up one night crying. His grandparents (who were visiting from the UK and who are complete turds) didn’t move to see what was going on. His older sister, Stephanie who is now 7 went downstairs to see her mum who was working really late in her home office. My aunt went up to take care of David, who went back to sleep.
The following morning, the whole family is having breakfast. The grandma asks:
“David, why were you crying during the night?”
He put down his spoon, folded his hands in front of himself and leaned forward on the table. With a dead serious, very adult-like tone, David responds:
“I. Am. The. BABY. That’s what I DO.”
I love this kid.
When my little brother saw his first “kung-fu movie” he went around the house acting like Bruce Lee all day. My dad could only take so many hours of hearing a 5 yr old go “hai-ya” and “wohhh” and all of the other noises associated with watching kung-fu theater. Pops told him to cool it and my little brother told my dad that he would “karate chop him”. My dad was sitting at the kitchen table at the time and told my little brother to “go ahead”. Well , my little brother missed pop and got the chair instead. Unfortunately for pop the chair he was in tipped over and he ended up on the ground. My little brothers eyes got as wide as texas and then he ran away and hid under the bed. THe whole family cracked up and my dad still gets teased about it 15 yrs later.
Yesterday, I had my hair up in pigtails to keep it out of my face, and my 3 year old comes along and says “Mama, you look like a bunny girl!”
My nephew Nathan is 16 months old - and he is a BOY!!! His older sister is such a spoiled little princess, but he likes to play with the remote, knock stuff down, draw on the walls, etc. He still gets nursed once a day, usually before bed, but my SIL says he gets really excited anytime he sees her boobs.
Well, the other night Mr. 537 and I are at his parents’ house. His grandma is there, along with his brother, his wife, and their kids. I’m sitting on the floor trying to watch TV, and Nathan comes up to me (with this HUGE grin on his face) and pulls out the neckline of my shirt so he can see my boobs. The whole family laughs. Then, he reaches down and POKES them. Repeatedly.
My husband has a cousin with two boys. When she was pregnant with the second one, David (who was 3 or so) made the comment to his Grammi, “Mommy’s getting big.”
So Grammi asked, “Is Grammi big like Mommy?”
His reply: “No. Mommy’s big. Grammi’s just fat.”
Gotta love 'em!!
When my oldest niece was about 4 years old, she loved grilled cheese sandwiches. We discovered that she didn’t have the name of them quite right when she asked my sister if it was alright for Daddy to have girl cheese sandwiches.
Well, a neighbor’s child, when I was a teenager . . . About five years old, toddled over from next door to say hello. We let him in, he looked around and said approvingly, “This is nice—our house is a real shit house!”
When I was about five I really wanted an erector set. I asked my dad for an “erection set.” He really got a kick out of that and it was not until many years later that I finally got it.
… got it meaning the joke, not the erection set. 
I used to volunteer in Sunday School for two and three year olds. One day I was playing with three year old Amy. I was walking with her across the room when I looked out the window. I said “Look Amy, it’s starting to rain.” She looked out the window and then at me with very serious eyes and said “Yes. Because Daddy washed the car!”.
One day when my son was 3, we were talking about water. I quizzed him:
“What do you get if you freeze water?”
He quickly answers: “Ice”.
So I said, “What do you get if you boil water?”
He thinks for a few seconds, then says: “Coffee.”
I know I’ve told this before, but it always tickles me.
My parents, newly married, were driving home after picking up my two oldest sisters from my grandparents’ house. My sisters (mom’s first marriage) were sitting in the back seat. My mother had told my dad that he needed to start watching his language, because my sister was just at the age where she repeated everything. Some guy cuts my dad off in traffic, and he beeped the horn and said, “you jerk!” (Pretty good for a guy who curses like a sailor.)
Well, sis pops up over the seat and chirps “you a$$hole!”
Apparently no one ever told Grandpa to knock off the cursing…
Just now, I learned that my son (who is just about 5) has been anxiously awaiting my demise so that he “can be the daddy”. I wish I could say he was relieved when he learned that he can be a daddy while I am still alive.