Someone I love dearly is having her memory erased by this disease and there is nothing I can do to help her.
Thanks for letting me vent :mad:
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Moving thread from General Questions to the BBQ Pit.
My b.i.l. is showing early signs. Some days, he’s fine; other days, he wanders around the house in mild confusion.
Fuck Alzheimers indeed. Hellish stinking nasty ugly filthy way to destroy a person. Kinder (maybe) just to have a heart-attack and be done with it.
Also Parkinsons. Ick.
I don’t understand any of this. Could you please explain what you are saying here?
Glad you said this I am corn-fused as well.
Yes indeed, this is someone who has known me since birth, has changed me,has fed me and has consoled me throughout my life when things were a mess.
Today was the first time she could not remember my name, suddenly I felt like a stranger. My eyes started welling up as she stared at me.
My condolences to the OP.
jerry’smissingfinger, I am so sorry for what you are going through. We went through this my mom several years ago. It sucks. It is so hard to see your loved one fade away.
Cherish the time you have with this person. Remember the good times. Help your loved one reminisce about stuff from the very distant past, if you can. Alzheimer’s takes away the recent and near-recent memories, but sometimes it leaves the very, very old memories. My mom couldn’t remember my name, but she could remember the Chinese language she learned back in the late 50s and up through the 80s. She could remember songs, and we sang together.
Be gentle with your loved one. Don’t get frustrated with him or her. Don’t chide, question, or berate him or her for forgetting something from the past few hours. It won’t help.
Above all, be gentle with yourself. Your loved one may not remember who you are, so do the remembering for him or her.
I found it helpful to think of my mother as a 2-year-old mind in an 80-year-old body.
Peace.
Thank you so much for sharing this
I am hoping for some good days as progression has it’s way.
jerry’smissingfinger , that missing digit isn’t missing; it is that long one positioned in the middle of your other fingers and it is pointing straight at the deserving recipient that is Alzheimer’s. I feel your pain, and I wish you strength and the resources of self to make it through the shit storm you are experiencing. I have long said, as my city was inundated with pink ribbons and my employer extorts money from me to support the Heart Association (both worthy causes, but not my causes) there is nothing more evil, more . . .fucked than this insidious cunt of a condition that robs not only the soul of the inflicted but breaks the heart of his loved ones. There is nothing harder.
Be pissed; be sad; these are valid reactions and you are allowed and encouraged to feel them and voice them. When my beloved father became someone that I did not recognize (he passed away before he got to the point where he didn’t recognize me) I tried to comfort myself by imagining that most of the time he was “in his own world” and didn’t necessarily process what was happening to him, if that makes sense. I hope(d) that the time he was away he was truly enjoying whatever time he was visiting and not aware or frustrated that “things were not right”. If he was reliving his childhood, or his army days, or his life with my mother, I just went along with it and let him revel. I hurts like Hell, but as has been said, you cannot correct him and if it gives him (momentary) pleasure, the best you can do is play along.
I hope it will move you to get involved with an Alzheimer’s related charity - when you’re ready- because it is quite healing for you and also has the potential to further the cause.
I’m not usually mushy (not here, at least) but I am sending you the warmest, most consoling vibes I can muster.
Vibes mean so much needed for everyone who goes through this and I appreciate so much what you said.
All advice is most helpful.
I have been running a 5K every year since her diagnosis in 2007 and I’m not a runner. The folks i have met during theses walk runs have been so awesome and therapeutic.
I have learned so much over the past 5 years but totally unprepared for the advanced stage thing.
Get some peer support. You don’t have to deal with this alone.
Does anybody else wonder how different the jams would have been if Jerry hadn’t lost that finger? 
Probably would have driven a few more keyboardists to suicide…
Sorry about your people. I went through that, thankfully briefly. Think of it as a chance to meet someone new everyday you know you’ll like. You have the toolbox full of stuff. Use it, work those machines!
Prolly not much since it was his right middle digit (picking hand). Hybrid picking and his midi were his friends.
His finger rolls on banjo had to have been effected somehow. If you have ever listened to any" Old and in the way " a trained ear can hear the missing notes within certain rolls but he seemed to bounce right by them without interrupting the flow but when you work with pro’s like Rowan, Kahn, Vasser, and Grisham it’s all good.
I have met many wonderful folks through the years who have loved ones struggling with the disease. A couple of guys have become close trout fishing buddies.
The person i am speaking of is not direct relations but she watched my bratty ass all the timer when I was young and was someone I could always call on when shit got weird or deep. As a matter of fact her oldest son took me to my first Grateful Dead show in 1977.