“Please say what you’re calling about. 4 second pause You may say things like: pay a bill, accoun–”
“Pay a bill.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t understand what you said. Please say what you’re calling about. pause you may sa–”
“Paaaay aaaaaaaaa billllllllllll”
“I’m sorr–”
Repeat 4x
“OPERATOR”
“You want to review your account summary, is that corre–”
“NO”
“Please say what you are calli–”
…
Every god damned time
Anyone else?
It doesn’t always work but pressing zero about 5 times often connects you to a person. The fact that they may be in India may or may not matter.
I hate how so many of these things no longer allow you to dial a number instead of talk at them. A lot of them just don’t understand people very well, which means it would be easier to have them offer the option to "Say ‘pay a bill,’ or press 1. Say ‘account summary’ or press 2.’
I don’t mind automated phone services that I don’t have to talk at and will allow me to simply press a button. Well, I mind them, but only as much as I mind having to do anything at all with a phone instead of on the computer.
I hate doing things on computers because you have to register and create a “unique” password.
I wouldn’t mind using the computer if I didn’t have to try to create a password 10x in a row to their crazy capitalization/character standards.
Oh, then to make it even worse-- the CAPTCHA thing. I finally make a password… then I fuck up the CAPTCHA because it’s all squiggly or blurry. Is that a lowercase G or a 9?Then it reloads the page and clears out my password/confirm password slots. Fuuuuuuck.
Just whatever man. I completely love the “press 1 for this” option on the phone. So simple. Once you sit through the schpeel one time, you can remember the prompts for a while… next time you call-- quick and easy-- you already know what to press.
Set yourself up with a dummy hotmail account that you only use for non-financial communications/transactions. Make all identity-type information bogus. Save the password in a file that you can access easily, no matter where you are. Or on a piece of paper in your wallet. It won’t matter if the account is compromised, since it’s really just a convenient fiction.
Hey, that’s nothing. The latest thing I’ve encountered to ‘verify that you’re not a bot’ is where they’ll show you a dozen thumbnail-sized pictures of plates with assorted food on them, and ask you which pictures have cabbage in them.
And I’ll screw those up four times out of five. In one or two of the pix, it’s really obvious that the vegetable there is cabbage. The rest of the time, you’re left to wonder if you should assume that any leafy green vegetable is cabbage. Oh, there’s one with something that looks like cole slaw. Cole slaw is made from cabbage. Do they expect me to know this? There’s a Jello salad with a (lettuce?)(cabbage?) leaf under it. IRL, it would be lettuce, not cabbage, but who knows what they want here?
If I’m lucky, after I screw up a few times, they’ll ask me to identify which pix have something more clearly recognizable, like pizza, in them - but damned if, in those tiny pictures, there are some things that look like they could be pizza, but you’re not sure.
Sure, they’ll weed out the bots with these tests. And 90% of the humans as well. :mad:
Oh my gosh. I haven’t run into this one yet. Thanks for the forewarning. I am dreading the day I encounter this security measure.
I utterly detest having to talk to a robot. Most of the sites I’ve had to deal with that use voice-recognition allow you to speak or press a number, even though their prompts don’t all tell you that. I’ve found that the prompts are numbered in the order that the robot voice says them. So for example, the third thing mentioned that I could say, I can also press 3.
Here was one obnoxiously bad exception: I tried to renew my car registration by phone. It walked me through a bunch of questions that I was supposed to answer by voice, with no mention that numbers worked as well. I tried pressing the numbers, and it worked. After each response, I got a message confirming what I chose, so I know it was working.
Until it asked me to state my birthday. I tried a few times to enter the numbers, but it didn’t work. After a few tries, it kicked me back out to the main menu.
I thought (but didn’t say aloud), Fuck this shit, and hung up. Then I went to the DMV web site, and tried it there, where the process was direct and straightforward and everything worked smoothly (and it didn’t even ask me as many questions to confirm who I was, like my birthday).
Web sites 1. Automated phone systems 0.
On the other hand, here is one case where an automated system expects a voice input that seems like the only obvious way.
My HMO, with clinics in dozens of cities, runs flu-shot clinic starting about this time of year. There is a phone number you can call to get an automated announcement of the schedule for your city. It asks you to say the name of the city you want to know about.
It’s not obvious how else that could be done.
Maybe you should try speaking clearly. I don’t usually have any problem with the voice recognition systems as far as getting it to understand me. They’re still slow/sucky/annoying though.
Congratulations on never having had a stroke, a speech impediment or a foreign accent.
Edited to add:
Or the need to make a phone call from the only payphone in the area, situated beside a busy road (happened to me in 1995, when my phone line was mysteriously dead one morning and I had to call the phone company to fix it - I couldn’t get through the voice recognition menu because every car that drove past triggered it that it was receiving a response).
Dial a zip code in the city you want information for.
“Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed”
Well yeah, there’s that.
But nine out of ten times when I’M having trouble understanding somebody on the other end of the connection it’s because they can’t be bothered to slow down, speak clearly or turn their fucking TV down.
An “automated phone service” is actually a robot. That’s right, a goddamn robot. People think robots look like humans, and have bodies, but most robots don’t have anything like a body, and certainly nothing human looking. Most robots don’t even have a body.
The thing on the phone, it’s a robot. So it’s understandable we hate it. It’s not human, and it’s there to make money for somebody else, and it does not give a fuck about you. It doesn’t give a fuck about anyone or anything. Because it’s a fucking robot.,
I cursed one once. “If you’d like to end this call, please hang up.”
I endorse this pitting. I feel like an idiot talking to a computer, and worse, the computer not understanding me.
And, the tone of voice used in some of the automated services is similar to one a nurse would use toward a patient whose grasp on reality is tenuous. “I *understand *you want to speak to a representative…”
Also, I found that with one of the utility companies, if you lose your temper and yell, “You are a goddamn pig-fucking idiot!”, it will connect you to a live human being. 
"Welcome to OUC, the reliable one.
(spanish words)
List of options.
Your account balance is Two Hundred Thirty Five Dollars And Seventy Five Cents.
Your balance includes a past due amount of One hundred Twelve dollars and Eighty One Cents, and was due on September 8th.
Your last payment of Two Hundred Thirty Seven Dollars And Thirty Seven Cents was posted on August 15th with a card ending in Four Five Five Four.
Would you like to make a payment?
Would you like to make a payment by bank routing number, or by credit card?
Transferring you to our automated bill payment service.
This service will be provided by a third party and there will be a three dollar convenience fee.
Welcome to our automated bill payment service, provided by third party services.
Your account balance is Two Hundred Thirty Five Dollars And Seventy Five Cents.
***JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!
***Your balance includes a past due amount of One hundred Twelve dollars and Eighty One Cents, and was due on September 8th.
***JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!
***Your last payment of Two Hundred Thirty Seven Dollars And Thirty Seven Cents was posted on August 15th with a card ending in Four Five Five Four.
***JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!
***What amount would you like to pay? For example, if you would like to pay One Hundred and Eighty Five Dollars, you would press One Eight Five Zero Zero.
***JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!
***So what amount would you like to pay?
***JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!
***Remember when processing this by card that there is a convenience fee of three dollars, bringing your total amount due to Two Hundred Thirty Eight Dollars And Seventy Five Cents."
JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!
And the automated robot voice saying those numbers takes forever.
Two Hundred
Thirty Five
Dollars
And
Seventy
Five
Cents.
Over and over and over and over and over. Fucking god.
Does it have to be those exact words? 