Fuck Car Buying (Long)

The BBQ Pit
1

I hate shopping as it is, but holy shit, I cannot accurately describe the pure, boiling hate that the last 2 days of attempted car buying has engendered in me. Not that said inability will stop me from trying. The set up is deceptively simple: I want a small, normal car to replace my ailing Corolla. I quickly gave up on used cars, the ones with reasonable prices have staggering mileage (180,00 miles on a 2005? How did you find the time to put gas in it?) and the ones with reasonable mileage are priced a couple thousand less than brand new, without promotional financing. Not to mention the lingering dread that you are buying someone else’s problems. It would be just my luck to have something big fall off before the first oil change.
Grammar like this:

***3 months free warranty!!! *auto,a/c,clean car,runs and drives great!!! *welcome to test drive!!!

NICE CAR INSURANCE TITLE EXTERA CLEAN REPAIRED R-FENDER LIKE NEW MUST SEE

INSURANCE TITLE NEW TIERS THIS CAR HAD FERESH CLEAN WATER IN FLOOR BOARD IT IS A NICE CAR IT IS CLEAN REDY TO GO WE TRADE**

does not inspire confidence. I’m buying a car, not a fucking skateboard. Not that the goons at the dealership are any more capable with their mother tongue, but they’re smart enough to hire a proofreader.

And while I’m at it, a hearty, heartfelt “Eat Shit And Die In A Motherfucking Fire, Motherfucker!” to the asshole who wasted my time with his pathetic attempt at some kind of Nigerian scam on Yahoo! Autos. Next time you are trying to rip somebody off, don’t wait until the fifth god damned email to ask for my identifying information. If you had been an efficient criminal fuck, you would have whipped it out like hard cock on prom night in the first email. I might have had enough respect for your professionalism to just tell you what you could do with your mother, and not bothered to report it. Who am I kidding, I would have reported you anyway. You’ve got mail! From the cops!

New car buying is a whole new world of pain. There are psychological bullshit games to play at the dealership: “Do I shake his hand? Why does he keep asking me all this shit? I will not go inside under any circumstances!” Plus multiple trips to ‘see the manager’. Be a man, tell me you’ve got to take a leak or smoke a rock, or go stand in the back and laugh at me, I don’t fucking care. I went with the intention of being rude and making them miserable, it was dark, cold, raining, Friday night, and the last day of the month. I have a hat, fuck everybody who doesn’t. At two places, the nancy-boys wouldn’t even come outside, they just stared at me from behind their credenzas until I gave up trying to get them to take my money. For the record it was an unseasonably warm, almost balmy 45 degrees, I have no idea what they were afraid of. Maybe I was grimacing too much. At the other dealers, they threw the perfect countermeasure to my raging ire- salesmen who look like your genial, golfing uncle Bill. I crumpled up like a sheet of tinfoil, I can’t stay mad at these guys. I’m such a putz. They all use the same technique to force a handshake: they say hello whiile they present their hand all the way up at shoulder height, about 3 inches from their face. You can’t fake not seeing that. Quit asking me how much I want to pay. I’m just here to find out what it costs. The prices are not really so bad, when you consider the 0% financing and factory warranty, but the options are absurd. Air conditioning is an option on most cars. It would seem more reasonable for there to be a ‘delete air conditioning’ option for those who live up near Canada. Since it’s an option, it adds between $600 and $1500 to every car I looked at. It can’t possibly cost anywhere near that to put in, I think it’s a way to advertise a cheap car that the manufacturer knows no one in their right mind will buy. Cruise control is an option. Fine, I can understand that. It’s a necessity for me, however. I discovered that on, for instance, a Mazda 3, it is not available at any price on the ‘Sport’ (base) trim level. Oh no, to get that fancy new cruise control thingamajigger, you need to step up to the ‘Touring’ trim, which starts approximately $3,500 higher. The Toyota Yaris does not have a standard radio, for that wonder of modern technology you need the $630 convenience package. Without it, you get 4 speakers, which is described as ‘radio-ready’. I imagine that would be an accurate name for anything without a radio. The whole package thing torques me off. What logical basis do they have for bundling a radio, rear wiper, and 15" wheels, or a sunroof, heated washer nozzles, and satellite radio? Then you’ve got this Bill Gates-looking motherfucker who has the balls to claim that the prices for cars are clearly marked, then goes into several decades of explanation of how car pricing works (bottom of page). Salesmen aren’t supposed to sell! Customers are mean! Boo fucking Hoo, dipshit. Go get a job you’re qualified for, like shutting the fuck up and shoveling something organic and foul-smelling. There is no way to figure out prices and it’s all over priced anyway. Why isn’t there one fixed price for the car, and other prices for each option? Why can’t I get the options separately? Why do we continue to give money to businesses that act this way? Do we have a choice? What car am I going to buy? How the hell can I afford this? Would they still do business with me if I told them to fuck off as soon as they walked up? Why don’t I try that? What the fuck am I talking about? I don’t fucking know.

2

Are you a Costco member? I went through them the last time I bought a car. Pretty trouble free. Easy comparing models and prices online.

3

There is a website that came highly recommended from a couple of people I have known. I cannot personally vouch for it’s success rate, but the fact that you are faxing dealers instead of traipsing all over creation might be a big enough plus in and of itself. The site is filled with superlatives, but I think the idea is sound.

http://www.fightingchance.com/

4

Buy your car over the Internet.

5

Are you a member of a credit union? Many of them have auto buying services, many of them good.

6

This was beautiful, man. I laughed, I cried…

I feel your pain. Before we bought our lightly-used Corolla (at a new car dealership - we don’t waste our time at used car dealerships any more, for exactly the reasons you’ve talked about - I felt like wiping my hand off everytime I shook hands with those slimy bastards), we tried three times to buy a Hyundai Elantra brand new, and they wouldn’t take our money (without trying a brand new game on us each time we tried). I have also heard of people faxing deals to dealerships, and asking them if they can do better.

Chin up, stay strong, all that stuff. You will get a car eventually.

7

For a new car, use the Internet to get a quote (and that’s getting to be a pain in the butt, too) , or Sam’s or Costco, etc.

For buying a used car, particularly from a dealer, you are so right…

8

I bought my car through www.edmonds.com. I picked out the model I wanted and dealers in my zip code wrote me with offers. The site also helps you calculate a faire market price. Dealers know they are competing with each other so the prices are competitive. I found the car I wanted, got financing through e-loans, walked in and said to the guy “throw in a set of floor mats and I’ll buy it right now.”

It took less time then when I buy shoes.

9

Or, go to a Saturn dealership. No pressure, no haggling, jsut a decent car at a decent price, bought from friendly folks.

10

Cars are one of those things that I know that if I learned something about them, it would help me in many situations, but I’m really just not that damn interested in them. This leads to situations where when I buy a car or need to get it fixed or something, I have absolutely no idea if I’m getting hosed or not. I can turn the lights, blinkers, wipers, radio, and AC and heat on and off, I can rev the engine, I can make sure it doesn’t fall apart when I drive it around the block, but beyond that, the thing could explode a month after I get it and I wouldn’t know if that’s normal.

Same thing with getting them fixed. If my family hadn’t been seeing the same mechanic for 20 odd years, I would still be thinking that $300 (or was it $100-- can’t remember) for a timing belt is ridiculous. I mean, it is, but that’s what everyone charges because it’s so labor intensive. So now, I get to walk in and have the mechanic run down this list of whatever the christ is wrong with it, and he might as well just have walked up and handed me a piece of paper with a dollar amount on it. If it ain’t “spark plug” or “tire,” chances are I haven’t heard of it.

Anyone else think this stuff should be mandatory in shop class? Be a hell of a lot more useful than learning to use the drill press.

11

Yes…go…to…Saturn…dealer…they…are…nice…no…pressure…resistance…is…futile…

Heh, just kidding, Saturn dealers are nice though, I’ve bought from used car dealers (never again) a standard “haggling” style dealership (No, I DON’T want the "extended warranty, thank you), and the Saturn dealer, of the three, the Saturn dealer was the most painless, the actual purchase of the car was almost an afterthought, absolutely no pressure to buy, heck, once the salesman found out I work at an independent Mac retailer, he had numerous questions for me about computers in general, and the Mac in particular, I actually think I sold him on getting a Mac before we even got down to talking about the car…

12

I just brought my girlfriend with me. She’s much more hard-nosed about this sort of stuff than I am.

13

My experience has been that if I trying to make someone else miserable, I end up being miserable as well. It seems not worth it.

Just sayin’.

14

When I first graduated, I got a job at a car dealership as a salesman. I quit before the training finished: we were taught tricks to get the customer in to the office, never tell them the actual price, hide the value of the trade-in so it isn’t clear, etc. etc. It was as gross as you think it is.

15

Being 21 years old and a female, you can imagine how exciting car buying was for me. I knew I wanted a hybrid, so I walked into the Ford dealership, walked up to a salesman (no one came up to me), and told him which one I’d like to test drive. He smiled and said sure, just one second. Twenty minutes later, I saw him drinking coffee with a coworker, so I walked out. I also walked out of another dealership where the salesman was incredibly condescending. Don’t give people business who piss you off.

So, I went in to the Toyota dealership, told them which one I wanted to test drive, they got it for me without a wait, and the car was great. So, I searched the invoice on my Blackberry (what the dealer pays for the car), my roommate and I figured out all the financing on a scrap of paper, and I told him exactly what I would pay (honestly, a MUCH lower number than their advertised prices- very close to their invoice). He went to the manager, coming back with a number much higher than I wanted. I looked at him and said, “Look, I’m only paying xxx a month. If you can’t do that for me, I’ll leave. But stop wasting my time and yours.”

He went, spoke to the manager, came back, and quoted me $15 a month less than the number I had given him.

15 minutes. Easy as pie.

Just figure out the payments before hand based on the invoice, go in, tell them exactly what you’ll pay, and stay firm. The dealership ended up losing 2k on my sale (the finance guy thought it was funny that I had pissed off the manager so bad- long story, so he showed me their paperwork with the invoice and such on it). The point is, you can get whatever you want, if you know the numbers.

Of course, that’s all a new car. Used cars from private sellers are a whole different beast.

16

Actually, I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to fuck them. YMMV.

Especially if you fuck the gas tank. Then your mileage won’t be very good at all.

17

If I could give new car salesfolks a piece of advice, it would be this: do not assume that people walk into your dealership to get out of the cold. Some of them are there to buy–like me.

Me: Hi, I’d like to ask about this Chevy truck. What can you tell me about it?
Salesman: It’s too expensive for you.

Note to salespeople: just because I’m not wearing an Armani suit and tie doesn’t mean I cannot afford your wares. I finished my day of dealing with corporate VPs and now I’m looking at trucks. The fact that I went home and changed into something more relaxing for me after making my hundreds-of-thousands-of-dollars pitches to various companies shouldn’t change things. You see a guy in a plaid flannel shirt; I see a guy with $20,000 to drop on the down with the balance to follow in six months, if you treat me right. Treat me like scum, and I’m going elsewhere.

18

Congrats on the great rate (and your car is way sweet!) but for the OP who hasn’t bought a car yet, I gotta say “talk bottom line price, don’t talk monthly payments”. There are SO MANY WAYS for them to hose you when you talk monthly payments (increase the time of the loan, increase the APR, etc.). Yes, a smart car buyer can figure out these changes made when they give you a new number, but if you talk bottom line, it’s much easier.

Go to your local bank/credit union and see what APR they’re offering for a new car (and consider trying to get your FICO score beforehand*; you’re gonna be making a big purchase and a higher score can save you lots over the years of a loan). Figure out the price you’re willing to pay and figure out the monthly payments based off of that.

If you can’t afford that monthly car payment, then you can’t afford that car at that price.

  • Mine’s easy, since it’s provided for me as a perk by my credit card company. :smiley:
19

In my experience, car sales people don’t do women. I’ve gone to look for cars with a male along and 100% of the time the salesperson goes up to the guy and talks gear head talk. When informed that it was I who wanted the car, they’d turn to me and ask “What color do you want?”

This has happened over and over.

My best experiences (from my end) has been to use the good cop/bad cop ploy. (This helps if you’ve got a willing partner who gets into role playing)
I’m the good cop - I hang on to every word the dealer says and talk about the price wax painted on the window as if it’s etched in stone. My son (and it’s going to be “his” car) does an Oscar-worthy performance of the whining, disinterested brat who is pissed because he’s not getting a new car. There is not a single used car he’s shown that is OK, he finds fault with every one of them. I’m cheery and try to jolly him into accepting what’s on the lot, but he’s having none of it. Through our discussions the salesperson comes to learn that I’ll buy a car in spite of bratty son if the deal is good enough and the price low enough to justify the eye rolls and sighing. Got me a 2002 Escort $1000 below blue book last time we did this.

20

I used the woman thing to my advantage (and oh yes, it still exists in the twilight world that is used car sales); I’d go in, test drive everything in sight, and when it came down to decision time, I told them I’d have to discuss it with my husband and bolt. I was seriously looking for a car, but I looked for about a year, and test drove everything I was interested in.