These thing are universally useless wastes of time for idiots, mandated by the fucking lawyers. They all talk down to you and assume you’re a clueless imbecile. They don’t let you skip ahead and it’s all broken up into 5 minute segments so you can’t just start it going then come back in an hour to take the “Are you a moron?” test at the end.
And I’m required to take dozens of these insulting fucking pieces of shit every goddamn year, and they’re all exactly the same insulting bullshit. How the fuck is “IT Security” different from “Cybersecurity”? They don’t seem to know either, because they are literally the EXACT SAME VIDEO.
I want to throw my computer out the fucking window every time I get an email informing me “You’ve been assigned new training!”
As an employee of a public university, I have to periodically sit through these types of training videos on sexual harassment, data and information security, and discrimination. Every single one of them is completely stupid, aimed at people with the mental competence of a 9-year-old. They’re nothing more than CYA bullshit.
As a contractor, I have to take these from the federal government every year. It’s kind of a catch-22. If the government requires training nobody likes and complains it’s useless. If they don’t, someone way high up the chain is going to say, “What do you mean you don’t give people security training? Don’t you think security is important?”
And so people know they are not supposed to click on email links, yet they still are able to hack the OPM database with highly sensitive background investigation data.
We (companies) get burned for stupid stuff like this from time to time. A few years back we terminated the employment for a few employees who were using company Skype and e-mail to talk smack about customers and also their coworkers. I won’t go into the details, but it’s one of those moments in HR when you see something and think to yourself, “Holy shit, I can’t believe someone is doing this at work!” All three filed for unemployment but only one of them was successful. Why? Because we couldn’t produce a signed copy of our Acceptable Use policy or Code of Conduct for that employee to demonstrate that she should have known not to behave that way.
I tend to agree that those training videos are stupid. At least they’re stupid if the company doesn’t follow through. If they’re serious about security, sexual harassment, etc., etc., you’ll see that in how management actually follows up on claims. If they’re just showing you videos without following through in practice then it’s both stupid and pointless.
My favourite memory of computer-based training courses is back in 2013 doing one that began with an introduction along the lines of “For 2009 we have added a bunch of new information to our course so you should find this interesting!”
While loaned out to the training organization of a big airplane company, I was asked to host a couple training videos for processes I was very familiar with. An engineer wrote the scripts and had me review them just prior to taping the videos. I told him I wanted the scripts dumbed down a bit and to use the terminology we used on the factory floor. He disagreed and the videos were made with his script.
A few months later after the videos were released, many folks were complaining to me about the content not applying to the real world in the factory. After a number of complaints, I made a bunch of copies of the engineer’s business card and told the complainers to complain to the guy that wrote the script. About 6 months later it was my turn to view the video. Much to my surprise, it was not the video I was in. It was remade with exactly what I had suggested months earlier. Training even hired a local TV show host to make the video.
I have to complete a series of idiotic “security training” videos once a year.
I do get a bit of a “Rebel Without a Cause” vibe by completing my post-video quiz before I watch it. Got one wrong once… kind of a tricky question. Every other question was able to be answered by “Common Sense” and/or “Overly Cautious”.
Training video quiz pro-tip: If “All of the above” is one of the choices, that’s the answer.
I like an update they made to our Electro-Static Discharge annual training (90 minutes to say “Don’t touch shit unless you are grounded”). They give you a quiz before each of the 3 30 minute videos starts. If you pass, you can skip that video.
I also have the duplicate “computer security” and “cyber security” training situation. Worst part is each slide has audio. You have to wait for the audio to complete before the “Next” button becomes available, and you have to manually click “Next” before it will advance to the next slide. Fortunately, I can take them at home, where I fire up my laptop, pull out my Nintendo Switch, and play games until I notice it is quiet, then click “Next”, and go back to playing until the next pause. The quiz is all common sense, so no need to pay attention.
Right before our division got sold off by AT&T, they sent out a manager to all the data centers on the west coast to show us a series of customer service videos. We were all covered individually, each meeting–watching the videos and discussing the talking points–taking over 2 hours. It was a complete waste of time for everyone involved because 1) the videos were intended for an entirely different work group, and 2) our data center had consistently won very high marks for customer service for more than a decade.
Later, when our local manager asked us what we thought about the videos, he was not happy with my feedback. I told him that the company wasted all the time and money–time and travel expenses for the presenter, not to mention a couple of hours for every employee to watch the stupid videos–less than a month before we were going to be sold off to another company. I suggested that a better idea would’ve been to throw some kind of goodbye/“job well done” party. It was unsurprising that my suggestion didn’t go over very well at all.
Oh yeah! I work for a contractor to the federal government and have a two page check list of all the annual required training. And it is 100% so that HR can cover the companies ass. So that if you do anything wrong they can pull up your file and declare “he was trained.” That is all that it is. The company is absolved of all responsibility since they have proof that you were trained, so it is all your fault.
Some of the training videos that you have to watch can be fast forwarded through and just take the test at the end, and some have to run for the whole time. The tests at the end are usually a 10 question multiple choice that only a moron could fail. But, if you do fail you can just try again and the system will provide a different set of 10 questions. And again and again until you get a pass.
I get a two page check list of all required training. Some of it is stupid, like how to fill out my time card. I have been doing the job for 10 fucking years without a complaint about my time card, but I have to take that training again every year.
Even my every two year CPR training is getting ridiculous. How many compressions are we doing now between breaths? No breaths any more, just compressions? Ok. They change these recommendations every time. But I still have to sit through 2 hours of the same thing I have been trained on 5 times only to have the EMT training guy say that it almost never works, he has been an EMT for 25 years, remember that you are just working on a dead person and trying to keep them “fresh” on the off chance that the hospital can do something.
I just finished the last item on my training list last week. Whew! It all starts over again on Monday Feb 1st!
I cannot remember the last time that I learned something new from my training, but by golly the companies ass is covered. So that I can be thrown right under the bus. Because “he has been trained!”
Yeah. Anyone who thinks that telling a female co-worker, “Daaaaaaamn, dat ass is fine.” is OK will not change their ways just buy seeing it on a video with a narrator saying, “Don’t do that.”
In my previous job I had to watch training videos a couple of times a year, most of which were a near-complete waste of time, taking an hour to tell you something that was either blindingly obvious or that could have been covered in five or ten minutes tops. The production values and skills of the actors and actresses involved were often laughable.
Fortunately, in my new gig, I don’t have to watch those anymore.
I used to work for an electric utility, and even though I was in IT, we had to watch some of the more “industrial” safety videos. I enjoyed those. Much more spectacular than boring old computer security vids!
I won’t even give the question, just the answers. See if you can answer correctly.
a) taste it
b) see if it is flammable with your lighter
c) put it in your eyes
d) clean it with a level 7 solvent wearing a safety jacket and nitrile safety gloves covered with the GS-62 leather safety gloves, report it to the Health Safety Officer and note your actions in the safety log
