I care about her. I really thought she was going to make it. I don’t get to return children very often. Thought this case was going to be the rare one with a happy ending. Hell, I was proud of her, and how far she’d come…until she threw it all away. My job is to protect the child, and that’s what I did…but still hate to see someone fall back into destructive behavior.
I feel ya. I’m at the other end of the courtroom, reminding the judge that relapse is part of recovery and arguing for another chance, but privately telling that mom to get her shit together. In my better moments I remember that most addicts are self-medicating; many experienced trauma before, and certainly having their kids taken away would break anyone’s heart, no matter how necessary it was. I remind myself too that drugs alter neural pathways in ways we don’t fully understand, but which make it hard to stay sober even after the chemical withdrawals have ceased. I remind myself that many people with anxiety self-sabotage to regain a measure of control over what they feel is their inevitable failure.
But in my lesser moments, I get so mad at them, too. I’m pretty good at my job; I’m always up against long odds but I cherish the occasional victory. And it crushes me when those victories fall apart because my client screwed up. It’s petty and egotistical to think that way, and I try to keep those thoughts to myself, but they’re there.
Thank you for the work you do, and for caring enough to feel this way.
I recently read somewhere there is a greater correlation between (unresolved) Childhood trauma And addiction, than there is between obesity and diabetes! How tragic since childhood trauma is not a character flaw, a mental illness or a life sentence. Childhood trauma Actually responds well to treatment. People need a professional to help them unpack the survival strategies they adopted as children. In which are contained patterns and responses that will derail their lives if left unaddressed.
It’s so deceptive, young adults finally break free of the chaotic homes and traumatizing family dynamics, as they launch, it feels so freeing. It can be years before they make the connection between their failed marriages, estrangement from children, unmanageable work relationships and job losses with the patterns they learned to survive in childhood. Worse still, lots of young people from damaging homes know they’re kinda damaged by the time they are adults. The big question is why aren’t schools addressing these challenges? Talking about it, emphasizing it’s treatable, can be gotten past with a little work. Pointing people to resources especially.
But for some unfathomable reason literally No One Wants To Talk About It!
I’ve never seen any of the “Mighty Ducks” movies, but one of the actors was arrested for burglary and meth. His mugshot illustrates what a vicious, ugly drug this is.
Today we are seeing a new breed of drug addicts, these are kids who pop a few pills at a music festival and before too long some of them are hooked. These kids are coming more and more from stable homes, kids who in the past would not have turned up as junkies.
Ice as we call meth in Australia is rife, we are seeing tons of this poison being seized.
What humanity? The only thing remotely worth mentioning about this woman’s pre-meth self, according to the OP, is that she was “formerly cute”. I mean, given that her youthful physical attractiveness was the only noteworthy thing about her and she’s now recklessly destroyed that, why on earth should anybody be expected to have any sympathy for her? :rolleyes:
(No, I don’t condone people choosing to use meth or the damage they do thereby to themselves, their families and other people. But it strikes me that the OP’s attitude toward this, quote, “stupid little girl” is more part of the problem than of the solution.)
Ugh, I just put two and two together and realized there’s a good chance that a former friend of mine is likely dealing meth out of his cell phone store with some money laundering tossed in as well.
Herpes. You ?
Wait, what were we talking about ?
Huh. Meth’d actor.
This is deep and oh so true. 
Keep it up, the both of you – through the ups and the downs. Your roles are so necessary.
Not sure I get what your objection is. I’ve been practicing law longer than this stupid little girl has been alive. She’s young enough to be my child. She was cute, full of hope and potential–then meth happened. And I had to take her child away.
Are you going to tip off the authorities to this?
She’s a suffering human being. Can you imagine being in her position? Have you ever been addicted to something or tried to imagine what it feels like to be addicted to something? Do you think this person actually made a choice to lose everything in her life?
Have you looked into or thought about how people “make the choice” to get hooked on something?
I’m not sure you do understand. Why, do you think, it is all they care about? Why, do you think, they only want the drugs? Do you really think they prefer to care and want those things more than other things in life? Drugs can permanently change a person’s brain. It might not be possible for them to make better choices.
Do you really think one person’s brief, casual description of another person can sum up an entire life, an entirety of a person’s worth?
Rolleyes? Really? She’s a person who is suffering. That’s worthy of sympathy.
Even a “stupid little girl” doesn’t deserve to suffer like that. It might be difficult to figure out what can be done. But it shouldn’t be hard at all to feel empathy and sympathy.
I’m sure she didn’t choose to loose everything in her life, but she did choose to start taking meth and therefore loosing everything is a function of a choice she made. I don’t think people choose to get hooked on drugs but they sure make the choice to use them. No I haven’t been addicted to anything and I’ve never used illegal drugs. I’ve done some dumb things and have always taken responsibility for all my actions. I have dealt with relatives on drugs and while drugs may not be all they care about but the drugs can easily be the most important thing in their life.
Fuck meth. Fuck drugs. Fuck addiction.
And fuck people who have a comic book understanding of what it means to be an addict, of how easy it is to become one, of how vastly, unthinkably difficult it can be to become a functional human again.
Oakminster, your job and mine have some overlap and I have a solid idea of how you’re feeling right now. Keep the fighting the good fight and please give yourself whatever self care you need.
You very clearly do not.
But you stopped, right? Did the hard work to get clean? Beating an addiction is a hard, hard thing to do, so kudos to you for putting yourself through that.
QF fucking T. Addiction is a vicious disease, and one of the worst effects is the suffering it brings to those around the addict. And the way it alienates the addict from their support network.
My ex-wife, the mother of my sons, is addicted to meth. Lost her car and job, was living in a tent in her daughter’s back yard for awhile with her meth head loser boyfriend, etc. She hasn’t seen her sons in a few months now, yet somehow manages to text them sporadically. I guess you can’t score meth without a cellphone these days…
It really, REALLY fucking sucks for my sons. They are 14 and 18. They know what’s up with their mom. It breaks my heart and has damaged them in some unquantifiable way that I’ll never get back.
Have you given any thought to why or how such a choice gets made? Do you suppose that it’s because a person is worthless or evil?
Not losing everything is also a function of of having used meth. Which group one falls into is a function of many factors, factors that an individual likely can’t grasp at a particular moment.
Have you wondered what combination of factors and circumstances influence such a choice for a person in a particular moment? How about someone not understanding the nature of drugs, or not believing them? There are a lot of good reasons for someone to doubt earnings they’ve been given about drug use.
Consider yourself lucky then. Or maybe you just haven’t come across your poison. Or maybe you are addicted to something that society doesn’t classify as an addiction?
Have you ever tried nicotine products or alcohol? Maybe you haven’t, but a lot of people have.
Or is it the illegal part? Have you never broken the law, even a speed limit?
[quoye]I’ve done some dumb things and have always taken responsibility for all my actions.
[/quote]
It might be interesting to consider that “taking responsibility for one’s actions” may often be a function In part of resources, circumstances, privileges, luck, and other things that aren’t within a person’s control.
Sure. Has it ever occurred to you to wonder why something like a drug might become the most important thing in a person’s life? Or you do you suppose the only explanation is that the person is worthless and unworthy of sympathy or empathy.
Yep.
How would you refer to a male addict who was of a similar age and in a similar situation?
I think Kimstu was trying to point out that the way the OP referred to the meth-addicted woman was problematic.
Some of the posters here don’t seem to have any sympathy for addicted people, but the way the OP refers to the woman in this legal situation by calling her a “stupid little girl” is also dehumanizing, even though he feels sorry for her.