OK so this is the background: apparently there are going to be layoffs where I work (large company) - around 200 people worldwide. So one of my co-workers tells me her cousin who works in accounting says she knows it’s going to happen, but not when. Another co-worker tells me a reliable source heard from a reliable source they’d be laying off 50 people a week, starting today (they always do layoffs on Fridays, first thing in the morning).
Now, were there to be layoffs in my (rather small) group, my manager would have to do a Sophie’s Choice kind of thing and decide who would have to go, then report back to whoever. She could go the seniority route, in which case I’d be safe, or she could base her decision on who’s needed and who’s become redundant.
Over the past few months, at my manager’s request, I spearheaded a major project, on my own, and she’s had nothing but praise for my work. However, she knows I’m depressive (although I feel great now), and that could mean for an unreliable worker. I’ve made it clear to her that when things aren’t going well for me, I make a huge effort to not let it interfere with my work; in fact, getting caught up in work actually helps me get my mind off things. Then I go and break a rib and take two and a half days off to recuperate, and come back a zombie doped up on painkillers. Maybe that makes me unreliable - taking sick days, albeit with a medical certificate. Or maybe it’s because I missed a couple of deadlines a few weeks ago, but made up for it all within a day.
(Can you see my train of paranoid thought, here?)
So, yesterday, I’m starting to think, maybe it’s me who’s going to go tomorrow. Given what’s needed of me and other factors, I tell myself, if she asks me to do two certain things: put my style guide on the server (presumably so that others can access it when I get canned) and to see her first thing Friday morning (she said it was to go over her edits of a long, detailed chapter I wrote … but maybe she wanted to see me first thing in the morning to can me). Finally 5:00 rolls around, and she asks me to do both.
I start freaking. The gut feeling I had got worse. I have anxiety/panic disorder that sometimes makes me paranoid, but in the past, gut feelings of mine have often been founded, and I’ve been right in the end.
For example, the last time a guy dumped me, I got an email the day of that just screamed to me: he’s going to dump you. I consulted with my faghag at work, who told me I was reading too much into it, but I just knew. He dumped me that evening. The next day, I emailed my faghag with the simple subject line: “I was right.”
So why should I not trust my gut?
I could barely sleep last night, and rushed into work this morning. Usually I check the SDMB and a couple of other boards before I start working, but instead I was in my manager’s office first thing, in my mind, to get sacked.
Well, she wanted to go over my chapter after all. I wasn’t getting canned. No one got canned. My day turned out pretty great.
So, fuck office rumors all to hell. If this were a publicly-held company, we’d have notice about layoffs, but we’re a private company, so everything’s a big mystery until it happens. Fuck that, too. How do they expect us to have any fucking morale when management fucking knows there are rumors going around, but won’t address them? Fuck that. How am I supposed to do good work when there’s all this fucking bullshit going around?
One of the co-owners is a total prick who only sees the bottom line and has no foresight whatsoever. If they knew what they were doing, they’d be fucking up-front with their employees instead of just springing crap like this on us.
Fucked company. I wonder if we’re on fuckedcompany.com.
- s.e.
