Fix the things that are broken, assholes! We pay $200/month in homeowner’s fees on this fucking condo and you can’t get a fucking hot tub hot? What shitsucking ass-for-brains moron designed this turdpool to feed cold water into the hot tub? Here’s a hint on how to get shit done right: “caliente.” That’s how you communicate that this body of water will need to be hot. At least luke-warm would be passable–I understand you could miscalculate exactly how much hot is needed–but cold? COLD?
You assnuggets rushed the shit out of this place to get it ready on time. What were you doing the two years this place was in development, sticking fingers up your ass and fantasizing about the giant goat-fucking pile of money you would be diving into? Can you wipe your own ass with dollar bills, or do let someone else do it for the privilege of cleaning and re-using the soiled ones? Because that is exactly how respected I feel since moving in here.
When we inspected the place before signing on the dotted lines, we marked over 100 places where your builders fucked up. You forgot crown molding on an entire half of the living room, paint splotches where everywhere, and if I’m not mistaken, you just plopped down a single coat of paint on the baseboards without even primer. That’s how amateur it looks. When you install a bathroom, you scrape the excess spackle. I don’t care where it goes–rub it on your balls and pretend you’ve got truck testicles–just get it off my fucking tile before I give you money.
And your gym sucks. That barbell isn’t going to fix itself–I’m very sure, because I’ve seen it in the corner, slowly gathering chi to re mold itself into an instrument of perfect resistance for the past three months.
Oh, and now I’m started on the pool. Not only was it enough to “secure” it in a keypad lock (that you can reach through the bars to open from the other side), but you had to design it with two shallow ends. The worst part of the pool, twice! A slow decline from both sides leading to an impressive 4.5’ deep middle. Ooh, my hips feel great during those hot Alabama summers. Maybe if I sit down (in the deep end), my head will feel the slightest tingle of moisture. I can only hope.