[QUOTE=jsgoddess]
No, I was talking about people in this thread who were saying that breaking vows is horrible and terrible except for divorce. I responded to the people I saw saying that, and I do consider it unfair for someone to act like they are taking notes so they can do a snide little dance later without giving people the opportunity to explain.
Which is the same problem I have with the OP in the first place. Judging others and lording it over them without the communication necessary to figure out what their deal really is.
But then, this particular messageboard is a haven for that sort of behavior.
[/QUOTE]
Yes, it sure is. I can’t say I support snide little dances, but I had an impression that what AA had in mind was more along the lines of gathering info for use in future debates. Like, "you are saying X, but in another thread you said Y, which seems to contradict that…can you explain that? It. Could prove to be enlightening. For instance, I don’t think it’s necessaroly hypocritical to be (divorced and still disapprove of a person abandoning their spouse in a time of need. It depends on the circumstances of the divorce.
[QUOTE=Autumn Almanac]
<snip>I have the impression that the prevailing attitude on marriage around here is that despite whatever vows the ceremony may or may not include, there’s no particular expectation that it will last forever, and that divorce is a perfectly valid response to any difficulties or incompatibilities that might arise. Until a thread like this one, where all of a sudden those vows are sacred and ironclad and the person who breaks them deserves nothing but scorn and shame. I think there’s a disconnect there that is worth thinking about. That’s just my general interpretation, feel free to disregard it if you’re looking for individual post cites.
[/QUOTE]
I don’t disagree with you about this at all. I’d like to think that my previous posts about marriage have agreed with my statements in this thread, but I’m human, too, and I wouldn’t guarantee it. One thing I notice about the Dope, which is maybe not a disconnect but more of a caveat emptor thing, is the advice given in relationship threads - there are many posters here who I would say, from what I’ve seen of them on the boards, are not having successful relationships (and yes, some of it IS their own damned fault), yet they are giving other people advice. I guess if you’re getting your relationship advice from message boards, you’re getting what you paid for.
[QUOTE=CarnalK]
So let’s peg this down. Clothahump thinks that if you’re married to a comatose woman then that’s tough shit for you. Anyone else?
[/QUOTE]
That is not what I said.
What I said was that he should keep the promise he made to her. Don’t put words in my mouth.
There are two sides to every story and the truth is always in the middle. Maybe IT IS too hard on him to go visit. My Grandmother was sick the last two years of her life and I couldn’t stand to see her that way, it pained me way too much, so I didn’t go see her. But I DID let her know I cared and loved her by calling and sending cards and whatnot. So, things are what they are for people. Maybe he just doesn’t lover her anymore. I’ve had plenty of women tell me that when they were breaking up with me, so why is it so shocking when a man does it?
[QUOTE=featherlou]
My husband and I just discussed this, and he said he would come visit me. He said he would have to, to put the pillow over my face. He’s a prince among men. 
[/QUOTE]
I would do the same for my wife of 38 years and I hope and expect that she would do the same for me.