You ungrateful SOB! (

The BBQ Pit
1

I just don’t feel the love anymore, and neither do you. It’s over. Admit it. Kaput. Defunct. Fini.

One year ago today, you landed in the hospital with a stroke. A TIA, the powers-that-be said. The Doctors said you would be lucky to walk again. That very same day, my stepdad died after his long battle with cancer. I chose to stay at your side, instead of travelling north to be with my mother in her time of need. [I chose to be with you, over being at my stepdad’s funeral, and believe me; it wasn’t an easy decision to make.]

I don’t care if you’re a stroke victim-advocate/survivor bullshit/what’s-it-called.

2

Well, crap; I didn’t intend to post that drivel. I hit the preview button, and it submitted my raw-plasma post. Before I could distill it into something comprehensible. Damn, these things will happen.

Or, I could take the Britteny defense, and say “Oops, I did it Again!”

3

So, go on, clarify. Who had the stroke? Why did you choose to be with that person instead of your stepdad’s funeral etc?

4

And what’s gone wrong?

5

Sounds like you got put in a shitty situation, man. Don’t beat yourself up, don’t second-guess yourself, even if you’re convinced you’ve made the wrong decision. Nothing in life can prepare someone for having to deal with that kind of situation.

6

So you’ve nursed someone back to health, then they dumped you?

7

Zabali_Clawbane, one year ago today, my SO had his stroke. And my stepdad died of cancer. On The Same Day.

I was faced with the decision of whom to mourn. The living (My SO in the hospital) or my stepdad (who had already died.) I chose to be at my SO’s bedside, and send flowers and my most heartfelt sympathies to my stepdad’s funeral. Life is for the living, and all that rot. I couldn’t be in two places at the same time, as much as I wanted it to be so. Damn. So I opted to be with the living.

And after a year, I finally figured out that my SO is a POS. I stuck through his recovery for a solid year, and now I find out he’s “in the market for something ‘younger’.” I’m royally pissed off because I stood by him when he couldn’t tell broccoli from a green traffic light. I stood by him when he couldn’t tell the difference between my horse ‘Harley’ and my goat ‘Ignacious’. The bottom line is, I stuck by his sorry ass; when no one else would. And now I’m being dumped. Well, good riddance. I didn’t need his sorry ass anyway, I can buy an ass; name him “Sorry”, and be better off. And I will love my new ass Sorry, I will pet him; and love him; and give him treats.

But I will still cry for my stepdad, he was a ‘dad’ to me. I may be 46 years old, but I still weep like a little girl for him. He was always good to me, and I miss him terribly. May you rest in peace, Harvey Janis. I love you. Your daughter, Dalee.

8

All I can say is I’m sorry - but you cannot beat yourself up for making a decision based on the facts as they presented themselves at the time. At the time, staying by your SO was your best decision. In hindsight, it wasn’t but you can’t feel bad about that decision - hindsight is a wonderful thing as they say.

You sound way better off without the POS - life is for the living, as you say, so go out and live some of it for yourself!

9

Damn. Sorry to hear the guy did that to you, truthbot. Take care of yourself.

10

Just curious, after all that, why was he still SO and not spouse if you two were so involved? Not a flame, just wondering why.

11

comfort Just work on getting stronger, and better. Work on moving on. Don’t beat yourself up for a past decision, as others have already said, that won’t help. Things will get better with time, trite but true. Just hang in there.

When you made your decision, you did it with all the information you had at the time. Now you have different information. So, now you know. Go on, live! You are a strong person, and I think that you will find the strength to learn, to grow, and to find happiness each day.

Don’t let this hold you down. It’s a period of change, and yes it’s also a type of mourning. When you take steps to further healing, keep this in mind, it HURTS a lot when a relationship breaks up like this. Denying the pain won’t help, but amplifying it won’t help either.

It is a balancing act, that can be done just with small every day actions. Keep going to work, keep cleaning your house, don’t avoid your friends. Look for little chances each day to smile, or maybe even laugh. Pamper yourself a bit, get yourself small luxeries. Or just take the time to watch the sun set if that’s a thing that brought you joy. When was the last time you saw the moon in the sky?

Take it bit by bit, day by day. Focus on getting stronger, getting better, moving on. Don’t let your anger and frustrated feelings of betrayal poison you. Know that one day in the future you will need to let them go, in order to go on growing. For now, don’t bottle the feelings up inside, where they will crumble and rot you.

Get a punching bag, or start a garden, or do some activity that will allow you to vent your negative emotions in a healthy way. Take up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to do, if that will help you.

In general take care of yourself, acknoweledge that you may be more tired and irritable, and take that into account when dealing with others. Focus your energies on healing and growing stronger. Since you will possibly be more tired, the pampering and stress relieving steps are important “maintainance” steps. You should probably even go to a greif counselor if you haven’t already, it sounds like you are in need of a venting place for you sadness over your father’s death.

You can only live NOW, HERE where you are. Not in the past, and not really in the future either. I don’t mean that you don’t prepare for the future, but don’t let it intefere with what you are doing, what you want/need to do now. Example: Sitting around dreaming of what you will do in the future with all the money you hope to earn won’t help you as much as going out now and taking the steps to earn the money will, it will just waste time. Not that dreaming is bad either. The same principal applies to recriminating yourself to the point of tearing yourself down over past decisions.

Good luck, I’ll be sending you good thoughts. Keep us updated, ok? We do care what happens to you.

12

What kind of moronic question is this? It’s none of your fucking business why they weren’t married. I can think of a list of plausable and valid reasons without any information, beginning with They didn’t want to get married. And that’s good enough.

Nor is it any of your concern exactly how “involved” their relationship was.

If you’re looking to condemn someone for some supposed sin, you’re spoiling for a fight that will backfire on you.

13

So, why weren’t you married to him, truthbot?

Kind of an assumption on your part that duffer was going for the sex before marriage condems you to hell angle, isn’t it, Homebrew?

14

I’m going to have to agree with Homebrew…Who gives a shit why they weren’t married? People are perfectly capable of making lifelong commitments without the societal reinforcement of a piece of paper filed away somewhere.

15

It’s none of your fucking business why they weren’t married. Can you think of a reason other than condemnation to ask the question?

16

I really feel for you truthbot, but this is the second funniest thing I’ve read today:

The funniest occurs in the very next post, submitted by Honeydew.

17

After seeing your performance in this and a few other threads, duffer, i’m wondering if you sit there asking yourself exactly what you would have to say in order to be the biggest possible asshole in the fewest possible words.

Who gives a fuck whether they’re married or not? Hard as this may be for you to comprehend, some people feel no need for a state- or church-sanctioned ceremony and piece of paper in order to fall in love and be together.

18

Alrighty then, I shall explain about the relationship. We had been engaged for years and I had a big ass diamond ring at one time. Last year I returned the ring to him when I realized that we didn’t have the same goals. He wants to spend the rest of his life sleeping until noon, and spending the remainder of the day manning a recliner. Watching re-runs of West Wing.

You see, he retired after he had his stroke. And he wanted me to retire as well. We bought a house together last October and retired to the country life. Country life to me is taking care of the vinyard and animals. Riding the horses, mucking stalls and taking the dogs for long walks. I have many hobbies and enjoy spending time on them.

He, on the other hand; has become recliner-bound and I swear he must have a callous from his continious use of the remote control. He will not follow his doctors’ advice about diet and exercise to control his diabetes and high blood pressure. His personality changed after his stroke. He has childish outbursts of temper and it can get rather ugly at times.

I thought I could wait it out, but I need to have a life. I have health issues myself, and I want to get the most out of what time I have left to me.

He would still like to get married, but I can’t make that commitment at this time. I have suggested that we get counseling but he refuses to attend.

And for the record, I was a single mom since my divorce in 1987. I raised five children to maturity and never ‘lived in sin’ with a man. I maintained my own home until October of last year, when mr. bot and I purchased this house together. So I have been a wanton slut, fallen woman, a whore and strumpet for a grand total of four months.

Where’s that raspberry-blowing smilie when you need it?:slight_smile:

19

See, there’s your problem; you’re trying to do too much at once. Narrow your focus. Perhaps you could start out just being a fallen woman, and as you get better at it, begin adding some strumpet. And so on.

Glad I could help.

20

Dont be so thick, **Homebrew**. The OP is the one volunteering the personal information, **duffer** is simply trying to make sense of the situation. He even said it wasnt a flame.

Sheesh, let the OP decide if they should or shouldnt be insulted by a poster. Id be insulted by your response if I was the OP unless I had initiated the defense and you came to my aid.

I think duffer had a legit reason for asking. Afterall the OP wasn`t exactly fluid and it took a while to get the reasons behind the rant.

regarding the OP;
Maybe they had a kid together, maybe they had been together for 15 years, maybe there was some other issues at hand and this was the final straw, maybe the guy had a history of selfishness, maybe the stroke changed his mental state…
who knows. That`s why he asked.