I Have Given My Wife Permission To See Other Men.....

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

… if she wants to, and I think it’s okay that I did that, given my situation (the dementia and the accompanying depression).

She is 61, but looks 15 years younger than that (runs in her family), and I cannot see letting her go without whatever she needs.

Sometimes, I am so withdrawn that I cannot even smile at her or give her a hug without being asked, and that just isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.

So far, I’ve gotten the “Don’t be silly, I married you for better or worse the first time and that’s what I married you for the second time too!”

Doing it all: Seeing the shrink, going for counselling twice a month, topping out on all kinds of meds (which are more than likely causing the “problem”).

What the fuck else can I do??

And NO! I’m not thinking of doing myself in! Just wondering if I might not be better off living completely alone?

I’ve even looked into going into a monestary-type thing, but who’s gonna take some washed-up psychiatric “headache” like me?

Yeah, I know: “Go back and read paragraph #4 up there, Quasi!”

Sorry, but that doesn’t work for me.

That woman deserves better.

Thanks for letting me “vent”. I don’t know what I’d do without y’all.

Q

2

Take the quotation marks away from the word “permission”, please!

I don’t know why I did that!

She has FULL permission!

Q

3

That doesn’t mean she will do it.
My husband can paint the house paisley, too, but he’s not stupid.

4

But what did SHE say?

5

Clearly you have problems, and because of that your wife almost certainly has problems too, but is her “seeing other men” a solution to any of those problems?

This. Ignoring your problems for the moment, what does your wife want?

6

I know you have a very serious condition and probably feel extremely guilty about it but you didn’t cause it. Telling her she can see other men won’t fix anything and is a little insulting if she is like the wife of several men I have known with such a condition (one family member currently).

You can’t live on your own at least in the long-term so just block that option out of your mind and don’t suggest it to anyone. It is really a mild version of a suicide threat even though I know you don’t mean it that way. I know the feeling myself but that is what family is for. Let her and other people in your family make those decisions for themselves and not feel so guilty. Serious health conditions happen in almost every family especially as people get older. Most people really want to help you more than they want a superficial relationship or sex so just let them help just like she said.

7

I honestly don’t know!

She goes to her employment parties (dinners), family functions (birthday parties. etc), church without me.

She says all the right stuff, but I just cannot see putting her through this SHIT!

I think she wants someone to sleep (not in THAT sense) with, somone to hold her and tell her things will be okay, and a STRONG guy with a STRONG MIND!!!

Q

8

I am betting that what she wants is for the man she loves to quit telling her what he thinks she wants. She wants to care for you the best way she can, and be patient with you when she cannot.

ETA: she married you twice. Take her words to heart.

9

You had already been diagnosed when she decided to remarry you. She knew what she was getting into. Don’t insult/dishonor her by second-guessing her decision.

10

I think I’m going to echo a few other thoughts, but I would say you are pretty fortunate to have someone who is loving and faithful. Don’t risk losing it by telling her to do something you “honestly don’t know” what the results of those actions will be.

Good luck!

11

Hun, I love you dearly, but sometimes I want to slap you silly…

She would not have remarried you if she did not want to be with you. This is your depression talking.

She is getting what she wants. If you really must do something, pick a random night of the week and make it a date night, candlelit dinner, soft music and some movie she would like.

12

So what, Twicks?

Huh?

I’m just supposed to let her come crying to me in the second bedroom (oh yes!) and asking me for a hug that I CANNOT EVEN FEEL???

I just want her to have a happy life, even at the expense of my own.

Q

13

So hug her, you moron.

14

Calling someone a moron in MPSIMS is not appropriate. Don’t do this again.

twickster, MPSIMS moderator

15

Yes – even if you don’t want a hug, she does.

16

I saw what you (or the other side of your Jekyll-and-Hyde personality) did there.

17

And if you can’t feel it - just do it anyway.

I think it was Stephen Covey (who may or may not be full of shit) that said that sometimes love the emotion comes after love the action. Kinda like how smiling even when you don’t feel like it will improve the mood.

18

I feel your pain but whether or not she wants to go is HER decision not yours.

What possibly makes you think there is no reward in caring for somene you love? Because she will be inconvenienced? Perhaps she doesn’t consider the inconvenience as a burden.

You’ve given her choices, and that is all you can do whether someone takes you up on it, is her decision not yours.

19

For some fargin’ REASON, I can no longer blog to www.wheretobud.blogspot.com to WRITE anything, so I have to write it HERE.

Here’s my question, and PLEASE excuse my insensitivity, but…

How many of you can relate to what I have written?

  1. Yeah, I know you’re not demented
  2. Yeah, I know you’re not (or may not be) depressed.

I know. It’s tough to put yourself in my position, isn’t it?

And when you think about Haiti, don’t you wanna just kick the SHIT out of me???:mad::mad::mad:

I know I do!!!

It’s deeply personal, it really is, and Og, I just wish I knew how to make it all right.

Q

20

That’s what she said.