I also have a family member with Alzheimers that also has an 18 year old daughter and have known several more. I do know what you are talking about and I am only 36 years old with two small children. I have a history of depression as well and have been hospitalized because of it a few times.
That is just the context. What is really important is what they call “action points”. All you have to do is very simple. Let your wife and other family members take care of you. Make it a point to give a daily hug and tell her you love her and how you appreciate that love. It only takes a few seconds but it means a lot, I mean a whole lot to people that help you. You aren’t holding her back and you should have no guilt. You certainly aren’t the first or last person to go through this. Very simple and appreciative gestures are what people really thrive on even if it just a smile or an offhand compliment. That is your job from now on. Let her do hers.
**Twicks ** [del]are for kids[/del] is right, Quasi. In your situation, you need to accept that your wife loves you as you are. Make a point of hugging her for no particular reason sometimes, and certainly if she asks for it, but also be willing to accept her love for what it is. In a way, you giving her permission to see other men is rejecting her love for you. Don’t do that. Now, go kiss her on the head, and go for a walk, or play your guitar or something.
Quasi – I lost two grandmothers to Alzheimer’s and my father died of a glioblastoma (the same brain cancer Ted Kennedy had), which I mention because it caused dementia-like symptoms and robbed him of his ability to express himself (and eventually of everything else).
I feel for you, man. Everyone in my family is scared of Alzheimer’s; my mom has been volunteering in studies for decades and now I’ participating as well. It’s ugly and terrifying. But you’re still contributing here; I read most of your posts and have followed your tale. You have friends here.
Today I talked to my accountant about the Godawful big tax bill we’re facing, was forced to sell my boat at a huge loss (yes, the one I’m forum-named after), and I have a toothache.
But when I came home, my family was here for me. My wife is being super nice to me even though she’s been urging me to sell the boat for a long time.
Quasi? You’re having problems. You can doubt your memory. You can doubt your sanity. But don’t doubt yourself. And don’t doubt the people around you. Believe in your wife, and let her help you believe in yourself. Okay?
Calm down Quasi. Nobody wants to fight with you here, and if they did, they’ll have to fight me first. I stand Cha’DIch for you. Deep breaths, in…and out. Zen, Bro. This too shall pass.
You know, Quasi, I was thinking you and Twickster didn’t always get along…but I see now she’s rather fond of you. And, yes, I know this is a semi-pointless aside.
Quasi, maybe I’m making too many assumptions here. Please tell me to shut up if you find me too annoying. Until them I will treat you in the same jerkish manner I treat everyone else.
Quasi, I’ve followed you’re blog and your posts here for quite some time. I don’t think I’ve ever actually communicated with you, so you can take this for what it’s worth. I don’t have dementia, but I do have depression, so I do have some room to speak.
Have you considered that, in your state of mind, you might be wrong about what your wife needs right now? Maybe you think she wants or deserves better, but maybe she thinks she already has everything she wants from you. In fact, since she re-married you knowing full well what afflictions you had, she knows best what she wants.
Let her love you. Let her, and your loved ones, help you. Let us at the Dope help you. And trust us that our advice might be sound. After all, what happens in your life doesn’t affect (most of) us at all. We’re here because we want to help you.
She has her hands full dealing with their problems. Her relationship with her husband is being affected and she is trying to make sense of it all. What she does not need is you driving her away.
If you were fine and she were sick, what would you think if she said that to you? You would be insulted and a bit pissed.
