I left the office and went down for a smoke round the side of the building. As I was damaging my health with tobacco, I noticed that someone had dropped some paper on the ground by the trash. Being a community-minded sort of chap, I picked it up and dropped in the trash can. I noticed that it’s toilet roll, and scrunched up, but saw nothing untoward.
Then I noticed a second scrunched-up piece of paper on the ground, so I picked that one up too. Alas, its scrunchedness was not as scrunchy as the previous scrunched piece of paper, and as I carried it to the trash, it unfurled to reveal a giant smear of shit. I gagged, and dropped the paper in the trash, and my eyes followed the downward parabola of the shitty toilet paper, past the trash can, to the ground. Between my feet was a large human turd.
The perpetrator had performed their task by the trash, but didn’t have the decency to put his/her used paper in the can. And furthermore, they had performed their task by the trash.
jjimm, sorry about that but there’s no way I would have made it home. Post to another thread before you reply - you wouldn’t want your 1,000th post to be about my shite;)
See the awesome power of nicotine addiction: the shitty hand was the left one, but the cigarette was in the right hand, so I was able to take a few more drags in between going “euuugh”, then went in and washed my hands. 5 times.
What a way to ruin a smoke break :eek:
For about 5 months we had a PortaPotty outside our building (I mean RIGHT–next to the only entrance) as we were renovating and the “client” bathrooms were closed.
Did you know, Porta Potties have radars letting EVERY moronic drunk know where thhey are?
Not one Monday would go by without having to plug the nose and watch the step when entering the building.
Urine and feces would be outside the PortaPottie, used condoms, and many empty bottles.
Ugh.
jjimm, I feel ya. A couple years ago, my wife was driving me to work, and she swung me by the library to drop some books throught the book drop.
I was really sleepy, and I’m trying to push the books through and wondering why they were sticking on top of the chute. Turns out some homeless person had smearing their virulent shit ALL OVER the book drop, inside, outside, everywhere!
I looked down at my hands and screamed, a la Spaulding, “DOODY!”
With all the self-control in my possession, I walked back to the car, asked my wife to open my door for me, and we drove back home, me with my hands rigidly extended in front of me as if I were a surgeon waiting to be gloved up. When I got home, I boiled my hands.
Scarred for life, I was. I went into the library later, and the poor middle-aged librarian still had the vapors.
Poo poo update: the accounts guy spotted the turd too, and he and I scooped it up with some cardboard and threw it in the trash. It had attracted some huge orange flies, the like of which I’ve never seen in Ireland before. I think the perp had been drinking Guinness.
I was a sophomore in high school. As I opened my gym locker, I was greeted with the sight of a giant mound of turds resting upon my neatly folded gym uniform. Laughter erupted from my clasmates as I gingerly cradled the turds in my uniform and dumped them in the toilet.
Here’s where the story gets worse.
If you forgot your gym uniform (or in my case, someone took a healthy steamer on them) at my high school, you were required to wear the “loaner” gym uniform. This was the uniform that had not been laundered in years. As I put the shirt on, shivers went up and down my spine as the yellow pit stains were still drenched from the previous “loanee”. I did take some satisfaction, however, in grossing out the next sorry sap that was required to wear the uniform.
To this day, I still don’t know who the perpetrator of that particular prank was, and my friends never tire of regaling others with the story.
We had a similar problem here for a while, except in this case the turd-covered TP was next to the toliet bowl! Not just once, but at least twice, and always on the weekend so no custodian was around to clean it up until Monday.
