Please forgive me, but I can only seem to start new threads, and can’t reply to existing ones… It’s a problem with my server at work that comes and goes.
Anyway…
Just joining in on the hijack…
I have to agree with matt_mcl about being able to separate love and sex. I wasn’t able to in the beginning, but I am now. It was just something I learned to do, because I had a need for sexual contact with other men, but realized it couldn’t always be within the context of a relationship. So I learned to detach, and it quickly became second-nature. Unfortunately, I was able to detach so easily that during several periods in my life, cruising the gay clubs or IRC for sex became quite the addiction. I’m lucky I was able to get out of the cycle each time.
My last relationship-type-thing was with a wonderful, incredible, intelligent, caring, and sexy-as-all-hell man. But he couldn’t give me what I needed, and we both knew that, so it had to end. (I don’t think he realizes how soon I came to that conclusion, but it was quite early on. I hung on because I have a hard time turning my back on beauty.) Of course I miss the good times, but what I don’t miss are all those moments when my head would start going around in circles and I’ve drive myself - and a close female colleage of mine - absolutely bonkers. That was not good, and had to stop.
Right now, I’m not looking for a boyfriend. Sure, it would be nice to have one, but I’m too busy working out some things in my life, and it would be unfair to expect anyone else to have to be involved with that. I had two rather shocking wake-up calls just last week, and know now that I have to stop just coasting along and instead make a concerted effort to clean house (figuratively and literally), as it were.
I’m also not looking for sex - most of the time I just don’t feel like it. I don’t worry, though, that there’s suddenly something wrong with my libido. Rather, it’s just a period I’m going through.
Getting back to my original statement, being able to separate sex from love is probably a good thing for a lot of people - that way, you don’t get caught up with every person you sleep with. When I have hot, animal sex with someone, it’s about giving each other pleasure, and generally having a good time. Of course, I always find it better when I’m in love with the guy, but hey, you can’t always have what you want.
- s.e.