Prompted by this post, I get the impression that those who engage in sex regularly get nutty about not getting any over the course of a month or so. I have a few friends who are just astounded by other friends who haven’t gotten any in 3 weeks, 2 months, whatever. “Man, I could never go that long!”, are the kinds of statements I hear. I myself have gone without it for 23 years. Believe me, I’m not bragging. I’m just trying to figure out what it is you people are going through when not getting any. Is it a tragedy of some sort? Because it sounds more like a travesty, but I’m just an observer, I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking. Is it a loss of an emotional connection, a physical one?
I wouldn’t say it’s a tragedy. It’s more that once you get used to something you like, it’s hard to go without it. It’s no different than having a dishwasher or cable tv or a good pizza place nearby or whatever – it’s hard to imagine life without these things when you have them. But that’s not to say you wouldn’t adapt and live a happy life if they were taken from you.
[sub]Disclaimer: sex in fact bears very little similarity to dishwashers, pizza or cable tv (basic cable, anyway).[/sub]
When I was single I couldn’t have cared less when I’d get lucky. I had friends who just had to keep the lance waxed at all times-never understood it cuz they were the same ones bitching about whatrags their girlfriends were. I did without both (GF & sex) long enough with relatively few ill effects.
Married? Whole 'nother Oprah. Mrs. Matcka & I get precious little time together what with jobs, kids, cats neding rabies vaccinations lest we get pitted on the SDMB, cars getting replaced after being stolen or just plain dying…life. You go into survival mode and before you know it you cease to exist as an individual, you just spend your day putting out fires. Sometimes its nice to change the pace and do the old pair bonding thing to remind each other what it was like before we had to get our slavish jobs to support the screaming brats that we tote around in cars that die or get stolen … still not sure how the cats fit into all this. Neither of us go outwardly nuts without it, but we tend to be more human/fun to be around when there’s been a little action.
I spent six years of celibacy (certainly NOT by choice, merely circumstances), and I must admit every now and then I thought of sex. But it wasn’t sex for the pure physical act. I guess what I missed more was the actual relationship side of things. Sex for the sake of sex has never interested me.
I don’t know if it’s just a ‘girl thing’. But, (and please correct me if I’m wrong, guys) I believe that men would tend to miss sex more than women, based on their physical desires.
Sex, to me is like the icing on a cake within a loving and solid relationship. Without the cake, what’s the point of just eating the ‘icing’?
Dunno about the guy/girl thing, wendyrules. Certainly, stereotypes originate for a reason, and we the males of the species have a markedly higher propensity to go as far as to risk arrest, injury, ruin or at least looking like absolute idiots to get some. But OTOH we males have been known to once in a while go on a “Oh yeah, gimme more deprivation! Builds Character! Pleasure makes you soft!” vibe.
And sometimes, you just feel like eating a tub of icing just because. You may feel guilty afterwards, but it was good at the time.
I certainly am anomalous in the stereotype sense, as I have in the past had prolonged involvements in which I was quite satisfied with a degree of physical intimacy that stopped well short of consummation. My longest drought (as an adult) was over 5 years – in the sense of 5 years of, well, in crude terms, not putting it inside anyone else, but NOT of 5 years w/o any affectionate contact.
You deal with it, it’s not as if you’ll experience spontaneous combustion.
Been two months for me and I’m definitely going crazy. I have a very high sex drive, but only within the context of a relationship. I’m very much like wendyrules in that it’s really the loss of emotional connection I miss the most. I would love to feel that again, but sadly, I only want it with the one person I can’t have. I have to remind myself daily that hopefully I will feel it again with someone else, and it’s a constant struggle. But it will never prompt me to go out and get laid with just anyone.
For 2 year my boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship, where we’d only see each other once every few months, and sometimes we’d be apart for as long as six months.
Loads of peopl used to drive me crazy by giving me all that jazz about “I don’t know how you do it”, “I couldn’t last that long, you must REALLY love him” blah di blah di blah. To which I’d always reply, “Hey, what do you think god gave us hands for?”
Of course, that’s no substitue for the real thing, and sometimes I’d get so horny that everything for watching T.V to making a sandwhich became a hugely sensual and erotically charged event, and I’d have a live sex show going on in my head 24-7, but it’s not like I was ever tempted to cheat simply because of lack of sex, which is what some of my friends seem to be suggesting- which made them the weird ones in my book, not me.
I spent a number of years celibate-by-circumstance, and it was not the lack of sex per se but the lack of being touched by another adult that drove me nuts.
I realised it was time to enter the human race again when I started moaning with pleasure at the hairdressers’ whilst getting my hair washed.
never thought I would be an inspiration for a thread (at least out of the pit).
I must agree with the wendy, without love, sex means nothing to me.
Maybe thats why some people stay in bad relationships?
Its better than doing without?
(it isn’t)
Heck, I don’t even get horny.
Sorry I am a freak or something…
My sex drive is fairly high. More’n a week and … well, I’ve detailed what happens before. I just get very hair-triggery, and cuddling becomes much more difficult for me to do because it’s a quicker road to the “Oh, yes, let’s have sex now!” end. Only by a few minutes, but still.
I’ve never had sex either, and I find it horrifying that should I ever I will somehow become addicted to it as if it were heroin or some such. If my ghastly personality didn’t already rule the possibility out, I believe I should reject any opportunity to partake in it.
Do you remember the Bell Curve from statistics at school (like the outline of a bell)? All random human events follow that curve. The sex drive is at 0% for some people and at 100% for others.
While I was on methadone I had 0% sex drive: sex just didn’t happen in my brain and therefore anywhere else. I didn’t want sex, I didn’t need sex, no matter the circumstances. When I came off the methadone (and was in the process of changing to Tramal) my sex drive returned 80% and it was like having a light switched on in a darkened room: my body said “HAVE SEX NOW!” I was forced to obey.
Going without sex in the latter state was like trying not to breathe while under water and swimming toward the surface. Part of you just REALLY wants to breathe and another part of you is saying “Don’t breathe because you’ll drown”.
I know some people who have sex in some form a couple of times a day because that’s how their body is. Like having a craving for chocolate: your hormones shout inside your head to eat it, sometimes louder than you can resist (if you do resist, that is).
You can become addicted. Like any addiction, the more you feed it the more you need to feed it.
The full-on sex drive can cause the masculine “fire in the belly” that drives us wild/stupid. Parts of our brain are taken offline, giving us tunnel vision. Must… have… sex. Pant, pant, pant.
I can’t remember if I had a point.
FYI: My menstrual cycle follows the moon so I only need sex when I’m ovulating.
Like the scarily-appropriately named Spooje says, there’s no need to go nuts. Just get a, um, handle on things…
That handles the base physical part, but while some guys might not freely admit, it’s better to have the intimacy to go with it. Plus, there’s a HUGE difference between your hand and someone else’s…
I’m just trying to figure out what it is you people are going through when not getting any. Is it a tragedy of some sort? Because it sounds more like a travesty, but I’m just an observer, I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking. Is it a loss of an emotional connection, a physical one?
