This is a little embarrassing, but I feel like I need to talk about it. I spent the past four months having non-stop sex (with my girlfriend, who for the first month was just a “friend with benefits.”) By non-stop sex I mean basically every single day, and quite often more than once a day. I had never been with a girl with that kind of sexual appetite before, so I took advantage of every opporotunity - and really enjoyed it and had a good time.
In the past week, I have really lost interest in sex. I just don’t feel like doing it anymore. I got bored of it, I guess. The public perception of young men is that they are sex-crazed beasts who would jump on every opportunity to do it - but to tell you the truth, I am really just burned out on sex. I had too much of a good thing and now it’s not really exciting anymore.
My girlfriend, predictably, has assumed that it’s a problem with HER (that I don’t turn her on anymore) whereas the actual fact is, I don’t think I’d be turned on if I was with any other girl either. I have just become very jaded with the physical aspect of sex.
Is this a normal thing to happen? I’m really worried that my relationship is going to fall apart over it. Is there something I can take to increase my sex drive? Or should I just wait for a while without having sex and hope that it returns on its own?
This needs to go to IMHO, because I think most of the information you will get will be anecdotal.
It is normal to feel a bit of a drop-off after wearing yourself out like that. Lucky you! But unless there is a medical cause, it is my guess that you just need to recharge. Try doing things together that don’t lead to sex. Be romantic, be fun, be a friend. I think you will find the ardor returning sooner than you think.
I doubt that this is really a GQ, but my own opinion is that what you’re experiencing is probably perfectly normal and temporary.
Don’t use “sex-crazed beasts” stereotypes as some kind of model that you’re supposed to measure up to. If you need a break, then you need a break.
I hope your girlfriend will be able to accept this and wait for a while to see how things work out, without getting stressed about it or feeling that it’s a problem with her. If she really has such an intense sex drive that she’ll be seriously unhappy letting a week or two go by without getting any, you might want to work out some compromise (with appliances or oral or whatever). But you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do, and she shouldn’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to.
Nor should you feel inadequate or guilty because of all the envious responses you’re about to get from sex-starved male posters wishing that they had your opportunities.
What did Diogenes say about being thankful (in his old age – I’m not suggesting you’re old!) that his was finally rid of the mad beast?
Assuming you are (once “recharged”) able to enjoy some sort of sex life, and keep the lady reasinably satisfied, I’d say you’re lucky to have been given a chance to fucus your mind, time, and energy on other things this life has to offer. Be glad you’re moving beyond enslavemnet to your second chakra.
Also, I know that in my own experience, general energy levels have a very dramatic effect on my sex drive. Are you getting enough sleep/vitamins/etc etc?
A week? Dude, a week? I can go a week without craving food.
I’m not a guy, but I do historically have a pretty high sex drive. That doesn’t change the fact that sometimes I just have other things on my mind.
Just out of curiousity, how much time are you spending with your girlfriend. Is it possible that it’s not so much that you don’t sex, as that you just want her to give you some time to yourself?
This too. She’s been spending so much time at my apartment all day, and sleeping here all night, that I feel like we’re a married couple. At 19 I am not ready to have that kind of a relationship. I really liked the fact that she and I slept together every night, for a few months, but it began to get tiresome.
It happens. I go through the same thing…they’ll be times I want it every day, several times a day and others that I really couldn’t care if I had it once a month.
I think people put way to much thought into what is ‘normal’ when it comes to sex. Go with what you want and don’t worry too much about it.
Yeah, you need to talk to her about that. It’s going to be awkward, and she’s likely to be a little hurt, but do it soon, before you graduate from “I don’t feel like having sex” to “If I never saw you again, that would be okay too.”
Be as kind and considerate as you possibly can. What’s the nicest possible way you can think of to say “How can I miss you if you never go away?” And then, once you haven’t seen her for a few days, you’re likely to find you really **do ** miss her. In a carnal kind of way. Be sure to show her that.
Well, remember that you don’t actually have to have* intercourse* to make your girlfriend a Happy Camper.
If you’re not in the mood, but she is, pleasure her with your hands and tongue. Start with a sensual massage (why did I just hear Austin Powers in my head?) and rock her world. Trust me, she’ll be happy with it, and chances are, while you’re doing it, you’ll get in the mood yourself.
IMO, from a guy not that much older then you (later 20s), I think DianaG hit the nail on the head. My guess is your getting a little tired of seeing her every day, and this is spreading to your sexlife. When I was 20 same sort of thing happened to me. My girlfriend at the time had some living arrangement problems, and lived with me for a couple of months. After about 3 weeks of seeing (and sleeping with) her everyday I began to lose some interest. She thought it was her as well. Only later did I realize it was because I was in NO WAY ready to see my girlfriend everyday. At 20 I wanted time to hang with the boys, drink beer, smoke some weed, play some vids and talk some shit. We made it through the 2 months, but not much longer then that.
My advice to you is talk to your girl, tell her you need some guy time, that you like her, but at 19 you are to young to commit to a super seriuos relationship, no that doesn’t mean you want to see other people, yes you still like her, and as much reassurance as she will need (she will need it). Or break up with her as nowhere do I see any mention of strong feelings, just sex.
Oh man, I am totally going through the same thing right now! Ive been seeing a girl for the last year. As soon as we started spending every waking moment together, the sex dropped off, way off. She is moving out tonight( to save our relationship) and We can already feel our sexual desires for each other coming back.
You are too young (I am 24 and too young) to be spending night and day with the same girl, no matter how much you love her.
That issue is probably part of your lack of sex drive. You’re thinking “Is this it? Have I arrived at the last woman I’ll ever sleep with? I mean she’s great, but…”
And a sure thing every night can easily become boring. No challenge. Sounds like you need some space, you guys got too close too fast. She’ll most likely be offended by this of course. But better to figure out now if you’re really compatible before children come along…
I’ve already talked to her about this, and she basically seems OK with the idea of us having some space. I don’t really think she understands the extent to which my decrease in sex drive depends on it. I wish she could get off from something besides actual sex, but she can’t.
I know, many women supposedly can’t come from intercourse and actually need the oral. My girl is the other way around. Usually a good thing - but in this case, it’s a bad thing.
There might also be some truth to the “just tired of her” aspect. Not that it’s your fault, and not that you want to feel that way. I’ll be damned if I can turn up a cite for it, but I remember reading some research on primate sex where the frequency of mating attempts by males went down after a while of being with the same female or females. When a new female was introduced, male ardor was increased. Of course, most of the mating attempts were with the new female, but the familiar females got some more action too.
It’s probably not a conscious thing, and therefore not something you can really change, but you probably are actually less interested in her now than you were when you first started seeing each other. The advantage humans have over other primates is that we can manipulate our instincts by changing our habits or by using our imaginations. Fantasies and lingerie are two ways people trick the part of their brain that says, “meh, I think I need a new mate,” into behaving as if they actually do have a new mate when it’s just the same person wearing new weeds, or the same wife, not in fact the neighbor’s wife.
The advice others have given already are good ways to learn to connect in a different way. Take a bit of a break, follow their tips, and you’ll probably find that you’ll get into a new equilibrium with her. Both of you were just getting to know each other and so you both felt like screwing like bunnies. Her sex drive may normally be higher than yours, so if you’re going to continue to have a good relationship you’re probably going to have to negotiate and compromise a little.
Good catch. Yet another data point to show just how stuck in the second chakra* I * am.