I have noticed a fairly sudden drop in my desire for sex. 67 years old, everything still works fine but I don’t seem to get that grouchy feeling I normally get if I go a few days. If I miss the entire week ( which I did this week) it didn’t bother me at all.
The weird part is that I am not even missing having the desire. I have been trying to figure this out, is it physical? or have I lost the desire for my mate in that way? I am not real happy with the relationship and I tend to be too tolerant. I suspect both. Climaxing is a lot more physically taxing than it used to be and I am wondering if anticipating all that work might be mentally discouraging me?
The way I feel today i could care less if it got better or not. Seems weird to me.
If you lose something that you once craved, but you also lose the craving for it, then have you actually lost anything?
If I understand the underlying philosophy of Buddhism, it is argued that all human unhappiness arises out of unfulfilled desires. (This was the Enlightenment that Buddha received sitting under the sacred Bo tree, wasn’t it?) But instead of solving the problem by trying to fulfill desires (the standard Western approach; how well has that worked?), Buddha saw that the true solution lay in transcendence of desires, typically to be accomplished through much meditation. Although, as we see here, growing old seems to accomplish that too. Win-win?
I’m in a similar boat, being nearly 66, and feeling some of the same losses. In my case I miss the itch as well as the ability to scratch it.
In my case, the loss has been fairly recent. During the past couple of months I have been going through some fairly major changes in my physical state (in the course of improving it) and I have also, for the first time I can remember, been having trouble sleeping. I am hoping both sleeping and sex will return to something like normal once my body gets used to what is going on. Or else I will be a fit and healthy 66-year-old for whom the bed has fewer attractions than it used to.
I’m almost 60, and my interest has dropped as well. It’s like the roaring flames have cooled down to just a few charcoal briquettes. I can restart them, but rarely go to the effort. From my POV, it’s an almost tectonic shift in the balance of power, relationship-wise. I no longer worry about being in the doghouse for spending too long fishing or going out with friends, and it’s a kind of freedom for me. I’m not saying everything was based on getting horizontal in the past, nor am I being an inconsiderate asshole, but all disagreements used to have a “what’s this gonna cost me?” element that’s now gone.
My doc tested T levels and said they were low but OK. He offered to prescribe some to get things restarted. I told him no, I didn’t want to climb back on that bucking bronco again. I’m not really missing it (this would have been inconceivable to my 30 your old self).
It seems perfectly logical and normal to me. At its most basic level, sex is about reproduction. And despite what some would have you think, reproduction is for the young - those who are most likely going to live long enough to bring their offspring to independent adulthood. The chances of a 20-or-30-something seeing their child graduate from college are much better than those of a 60-something, on average.
So it makes sense that the desire to do what one does to reproduce should lessen with years. But what do I know - I’m not a biologist…
Makes sense to me as a post-menopausal woman :nodding:
I’ve got a red-hot hormonally-charged love affair happening under my nose right now and it just never ceases to amaze me that yes, I was once that way too…?
There’s something to that. Though to be honest things had already got to the point where I wasn’t overly worried about what it was gonna cost me. A man doesn’t know what good sex is until his wife has yawned and belched her way through an apathetic hand-job - unfortunately by then it’s too late. If you spend long enough being made to feel like you’re making a nuisance of yourself for wanting sex, I guess eventually you do internalise it.
I’m younger than pullin and much younger than the OP, but it’s been on the wane for me for some years and it got to the point a while back that internet erotica did nothing for me any more. I just can’t find the necessary suspension of disbelief that lets me put myself in the picture, and without that, it’s just bodies writhing on the screen. Not off-putting, but not pressing any buttons either.
A little urological complaint that I shan’t bang on about here was just about the final nail in the coffin… and sadly my ever-loving wife doesn’t seem to have been too unhappy about it.
However, as with the OP and a few others, it’s not causing me any frustration. A little nostalgia for the good times half my life ago, maybe, but tempered with the realization that at least I don’t have the misery that went with the unfulfilled desire that I saw a lot more of than the good sex. I look back at some of the desperate shit that I used to do in the hopes of getting laid, and I’m beyond glad that that’s all past.
I don’t think the primary reason for sex is reproduction. If it was, then the average couple could have sex twice and produce the two children that the average couple has and be done with it.
IMHO sex is primarily about stress relief, with the orgasm releasing all the day in and day out built up “bad stuff” in our minds. Sex is for everyone regardless of age except maybe for those that can’t handle it physically. I’m 62 and get it 2 or 3 times a week and would actually like more, but that is all my little hottie wife is offering at the moment.
I doubt this. While we were evolving our libido we didn’t know the connection. Plus most people died before they wore out. However it is true that there isn’t a reproductive advantage for maintaining libido, so if it diminishes when other parts of the body wear out evolution doesn’t care.
Mine is fine, thanks, but I’ve always been a slow developer.
I’m guessing your “little hottie wife”, if she’s in your age range, probably isn’t feeling all that “hottie”.
After menopause, women’s hormones take a nosedive, especially estrogen and progesterone. Both are responsible for a lot of the physical traits associated with, and leading to orgasm. If you’re depleted in both, having sex is one of the last things on your mind mostly because it’s no longer pleasurable.
Yes, there are creams, pills, and patches a woman can take/wear to mimic what they once had naturally, but they come with side effects. One of those side effects, IIRC, is a higher risk of certain cancers. Another is the risk of developing dementia.
Some women don’t care about those risks. Others do.
(IAN a biologist, btw. I’m just recalling off the top of my head what I’ve read/understood. If I’m wrong, please feel free to correct anything I’ve said).
Its true that the wife is no longer a “spring chicken”, but with an extensive “pre game” massage, an occasional a toy or two and a few position changes, she can “explode” just like she used to. No creams, pills or patches are necessary. Another thing that may be helping is her incline walking treadmill workouts. She is in incredible physical condition. Her ass and legs look as if they belong to a 20 something girl.
Not ALL women - me for example. I didn’t do a whole lot of research, but I did ask my GP as menopause rolled around, and she said a woman’s libido will generally stay the same. It’s all in the head - the brain being the most powerful sex organ, and all that.
I was kind of pleased, because it’s still fun for me!
You can try my favorite link removed
to make you horny at times. I won’t say I’m too young this site compared to your age but It makes me discover things for fulfillment both with my hubby. Good luck to you, then.
I think it will just be a frequency issue. yesterday was the 8th day with no sex and my cranky/hornyness came back. For the best several years I had settled into a 3 time a week sex thing for some reason and I guess for the future that may need to get pushed back to about once a week. Everything still works fine if I do it more often except I seem to be lacking the desire and motivation more than maybe once a week or so.
Though to be honest things had already got to the point where I wasn’t overly worried about what it was gonna cost me. A man doesn’t know what good sex is until his wife has yawned and belched her way through an apathetic hand-job - unfortunately by then it’s too late. If you spend long enough being made to feel like you’re making a nuisance of yourself for wanting sex, I guess eventually you do internalise it.