Are you feeling ok otherwise?
In good spirits, sleeping well, good appetite, not coming down with anything or under any stress?
Then, I think this would be the time to say “I’m sorry, I’m just not that into you” and leave it there.
If this was the girl for you, the one you’re really supposed to be with, you’d know. The sex mightn’t be great, but you wouldn’t care because just being near her would be enough to make you happy, because you’d love her and spending time with her. It doesn’t sound like you’re there.
I hesitate to become even more personal, but have you ever tried using sex toys? If she needs the sensation of penetration, that could help.
Secondly, have you ever tried going to a hotel for the night? Sometimes, a change in scenery spices things up a bit. You could then do role-playing games, in which you “pick her up” at the bar and the like.
Sure-- but everyone can use a little advice now and then. All relationships eventually go through a sexual lull. Space may fix the problem for a time, but if he stays with her for the long haul, they may need to do other things to keep their relationship exciting.
Issue a challenge with a truly valuable prize ($20, hour backrub, new car). See who can go longer without initiating sex. If it works out, by the time someone caves you’ll both be fricken animals.
There’s a quote that reaching the age of disinterest in sex was like “being allowed to dismount from a wild horse.” I have heard it attributed to Plato, Picasso, Diogenes, Bodil Joensen, an elderly Russian peasant, and various other suspects.
As far as the OP question… in the absence of any other cause for attraction, sex with that person just gets old and there’s not much you can do to revive it. It’s happened to me a number of times. If you start out in blazing sexual lust, it’s tough to rewind and build a real relationship on it. On the other hand if you start out with genuine companionship, you can build a very good sexual relationship on top of it.
My advice to younger men… recognize that many men are incapable of having any honest relationship other than a relationship of sexual convenience until their late 20’s or so, and try to behave accordingly (and honestly). I’m not saying use people or have loads of indiscriminate sex. I’m just saying make an honest assessment of yourself and your needs in order not to disappoint yourself or others. That time period is a really sucky time to be male, I didn’t enjoy it very often… 6 weeks at a time, about once a year, to be exact.
Am I the only one who doesn’t go through this? I realize that the stereotype is that men are sex-crazed beasts, and I realize that’s not really true. I’ve heard many tales of men whose sex drive fluxuates over time, sometimes wildly, and a few who just aren’t interested at all. But seriously, I never get tired of it. If I’m stressed, it helps me relax. If I’m tired it usually helps me wake up (or sleep better, at least). I’m lucky in that my girlfriend is pretty much a sex-once-a-day-minimum type person, too. I just can’t imagine not wanting to have sex with her, even though there’s not usually much variety to the types of sex we engage in (she’s got certain physical limitations that make it difficult). But then I’m also the sort of person who can eat the same food day in and day out and never get sick of it. I think I’m just an anomaly.
If you otherwise like the girl, I think not having sex every day is a good place to start. My GF and I have sex about twice a week, and that’s kept things interesting and fresh for 6 months or so. It will be a tricky transition though, but the phrases “too much of a good thing” and “give us some time to miss each other” might be useful.
If you and this girl don’t do much except sleep together and have sex, well the relationship doesn’t really have anywhere to go.
It ain’t rocket science. Now that you have a consistent physical need satisfied, you are perhaps looking for something else.
Do you 2 share anything except sex? All couples wax and wane re desire and intimacy–the ones that don’t, I’ve found, are the ones who are incredibly messed up.
So, you need some time to yourself–fine.
BUT.
You need to handle this delicately, because alot of women would take this as rejection, aka you are only interested in me for sex.