Fuck you, Time Warner! (Includes highway robbery.)

The BBQ Pit
1

Cable is such a motherfucking ripoff! I’m closing on my house at the end of this week, and so I call Time Warner to set up cable and Roadrunner. Because I can’t live without Roadrunner, and I want a little bit of cable. Not a lot of cable, since I don’t want to sit around and watch it all day, just a little bit.

So from the website, which is a bit confusing, it seems I can get just nice basic cable for ten or fifteen bucks a month, plus whatever it is for Roadrunner. Sounds good, right? Ha! Obviously the website is maintained by a bunch of drunk monkeys who don’t even work for Time Warner.

Because I call. And it’s no problem to set up an account and all. But here’s where the fucking thing breaks the fuck down - I’m so pissed off I can’t even swear creatively. Because he starts me off saying there’s a special - 78 channels with an HD DVR and whatever for three TVs for 44something a month. (For the rest of the year, then it goes up.) And I say, what? I said I just wanted a little bit of cable.

Obviously nobody in the history of the fucking world has asked for just a little bit of cable (well, I can believe it here - all we do here is sit around in the air conditioning and watch cable and eat, but!). And he says, very reluctantly, his next offer. And I hope you are fucking ready for this.

“Well, I can give you just your local broadcasts for $11.95.”

And I think, well, maybe “local broadcasts” doesn’t mean what I think it does. So I ask him, “You mean the TV I get free from the air?”

“Yeah, your local broadcast TV.”

“You want me to pay you for free TV?”

“Well, that’s our cheapest plan.”

WHAT THE FUCK?! Broadcast TV is free. That’s the point. It’s my god-given right as an American to watch my fucking local news that comes through the fucking ether for FREE. Have I gotten so old that kids today are stupid enough to pay for a plan that’s just broadcast TV?! And Time Warner has no shame about this?! That’s like charging me to breathe the air! That’s like assessing a toll on the goddamned sunlight!

“Er… is there some sort of middle plan between the two of those?”

“Not really, ma’am.”

So here’s where I’m furious at myself. Instead of demanding to talk to somebody with the authority to be yelled at for their astounding temerity to charge me to watch Oprah, for fuck’s sake, I meekly go with the plan that, including Roadrunner, is going to be 74.90 (for the first three months, after which it goes up to 89.80.) What a fucking weakling I am!

I can’t even really muster the vitriol to call the Time Warner guy a goat felching asshat, because who’s the asshat? I’m the asshat. Surely everybody in this city isn’t paying either twelve bucks or 90 bucks, right? I’m gonna have to cut back elsewhere so I can pay for cable I don’t even want, all because I’m too fucking chickenshit to make a great big fuss about it! Would there have been a middle ground if I’d called and screamed at somebody for having the balls to charge me for afternoon soaps, for shit’s sake? Well, now I won’t know unless I meekly call back, and hell, I’d be scared to in case they intimidated me into getting more goddamned cable! (I will miss HBO On Demand, I admit.) Aaargh!
Isn’t anybody getting a little bit of cable?

2

In the previous town we lived in, we were only able to pick up one channel over the air (the local NBC affiliate) and therefore decided to go ahead and pay the cable company for their “basic package,” which was basically just the broadcast channels. It did include a few other channels; if I remember right, we got CNN Headline News, the Weather Channel, and C-SPAN. Maybe a couple others.

Anyway, I hear you, it’s infuriating to either have to pay an assload of money for an assload of channels you don’t really want, or get nothing at all. I’d love it if the cable companies went to a cafeteria-style model in which you could pick the channels you wanted to have and pay on a per-channel basis.

3

I presume they don’t have to pay to transmit the channels over their cables, but the bandwidth used represents a very real cost to them. Why should a private company provide you with their transmission medium for free?

4

If you want free broadcast TV, knock yourself out, tell them you don’t want cable and put up the dough for your own rooftop antenna. If you want them to deliver it to you via the wires and networks that they paid hard cash to install, then pay them their $12/mo.

BTW, the DVR is just about the best thing since sliced bread, it makes for a completely different TV watching experience. If you don’t watch that much TV, it lets you really make the most of that time.

5

I can’t believe that’s correct - I think he was lying to you. I get standard cable (from Comcast) that has about 60 channels, including the stuff like ESPN, History Channel, Turner Classic Movies, and so on. As far as I know, all cable companies offer a tier of service at that level. I think he was pushing the digital, just as strongly as their web site does.

There is also a lower tier, which has the broadcast channels and CSPAN, the local public access channels, etc.

6

See, that’s the thing - it’s not that I’ve got a problem paying them for their wires and such, it’s that if I’m paying them I want a hell of a lot more than the Big Three, and a hell of a lot less than the next tier up. Back in the day you could get about 40 channels or so - you know, local stations, the Weather Channel, MTV, VH1, the Hitler Channel, A&E, TLC, all those. Without the damned Golf Network, and six different financial stations, and the Gem Shopping Channel. I want to pay, I dunno, $20 a month to get some TV worth watching but not so much that it’s too expensive or too damned much TV.

I don’t see why they would even offer a plan that’s just broadcast TV - doesn’t that smell like a ripoff to you? (People today might really not know your TV can get it free.)

7

I get a little cable… less than you wanted even. I have Comcast cable internet, that’s all. I’ve had them call me up and offer me a year’s worth of regular cable for free to go with the internet, I’ve turned it down. There’s nothing on television that I’m interested in watching.

8

You don’t quite have it. If your Time Warner is anything like my Time Warner then the “local package” consists of:

ABC
NBC
CBS
Fox
PBS

WB (which sometimes aren’t over the air options)
UPN (which sometimes aren’t over the air options)

Local channels

Weather Channel
CNN
Headline News

Two shopping channels

You are also paying for cable’s better reception. Something an over the air antenna just can’t get you.

9

I think what she was offering was to basically give you cable reception. Which is really stupid, cuz you could just go get a good antenna to hook up to your tv and only have to pay for it once.

I got offered this in Chicago, where tv reception sucks without an antenna. I just couldn’t believe people would pay the cable company to get good reception when they could just go to Radio Shack or Target and get an antenna for 1/10th the annual cost…

10

Actually, I’ve finally found the channel listings, and the broadcast tier is:

ABC
NBC
CBS
PBS
FOX
City bulletin board
C-SPAN
TV guide channel
The school district bulletin board channel.

So no, except for C-SPAN there are no extras in the broadcast tier. No Weather Channel or CNN or WB or whatever.

11

Well then I stand corrected. That truly sucks Zsofia.

Pit on.

12

Yup, our area is like that too. Our “local channels” last time I checked were ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS, FOX, and the local “Doppler Rader” channel - all for the low low price of $12 / month.
If you wanted any more channels, you got their “bargain package” which was more per month (I think it was around $40) for their 60 crappy channels, at least 1/4 of which were home shopping channels.
I went with a satellite dish for $35 for 150 channels. Most of which were NOT home shopping channels (which for some reason I keep wanting to type in as “HOPE shopping channels”, which come to think of it they are.) The shills are hoping their crappy sales technique works, the “dealer” is hoping he’ll unload 40 tons of cheapo CZ rings for $150 each, and the shoppers are hoping that they’ll get something that looks really beautiful and exactly like 5carats of flawless diamond on a 24K gold ring for $150.

13

Argh. it was more per month for their 60 crappy channels than satellite was for 150 channels. Gah. Preview is my friend.

14

Well, I’d know what the middle schoolers are getting for lunch, and that’s something you just don’t get free from the air. :slight_smile:

What I really ought to be pitting is the fact that they’re so (purposefully, I’m sure) vauge on the website. Why can’t they have a page that’s easy to find that says “These are your available plans and packages”? They have a page that pretends to be that, but it isn’t. And you can’t find out how much Roadrunner costs from the website at all. I wouldn’t feel cheated if I’d known what I was getting into before I picked up the phone; when you can’t do your homework you feel really vulnerable, which I guess is the point as I just agreed to pay almost a hundred fucking dollars a month for cable and internet.

15

When they hook it up, they should leave you with a bunch of paperwork, which should include a rate plan. Then you can decide what plan you want, unhook your digital box, take it to the office (get a receipt!), and tell them you want X plan period.

16

I had the same deal.

Turns out, it was actually cheaper for me to have the cable modem and the basic broadcast channels together than just the ISP service. Odd that.

Of course, I also get a handful of cable channels.

17

I love DVR! I can watch stupid, brain-melting shit that I have no desire to watch…

Anytime I want!

(Actually, the real pleasure is that I can erase it, anytime I want!)

18

They are constantly offering me special deals like that too. I say the magic words “I don’t own a TV” and they go away.

19

What in God’s name is “Roadrunner?” I’m assuming it’s a gimmicky name for their cable internet service (since it implies speed).

I wouldn’t mind having cable tv, but the prices have gone batshit-insane. My wife and I haven’t had cable since we got together; neither of us watches enough TV to justify the cost, but there are a few cable-only programs we like (mainly Adult Swim on the Cartoon network and The Daily Show). When we moved into our new place and got all of the usual solicitations, we were shocked - basic, boring cable is now up to almost $50 a month. We couldn’t justify the cost when it was only $30 or so!

The new gimmick also seems to be all of these intentionally-confusing tiered step-up pricing plans - $19.99 for the first three months, $29.99 for the following four months, then $59.99 for perpetuity. Infuriating!

20

As long as we’re ranting about cable service, I’m curious if TW does what Incontinent Communications does. These fuckers decided all pay channels (HBO, Showtime, etc) are only available to digital customers now. For years and years I got HBO through the little ole cable I’m still using, but now I’ve got to pony up 80 goddamn dollars to watch The Sopranos? Fuckwipes.