Fuckin' Meijer toilet paper!

Another Scott fan here–not only does it NOT have breakthrough issues, it isn’t scented (absolutely necessary, as I get allergies from scented products and I do NOT need an itchy asshole,) it doesn’t lint up, it does the job with minimal amounts and the rolls are huge! One roll does for almost two weeks around here–if I get lucky and score a 24 roll pack for ten bucks I’m good to go for almost a year. I hate that cheapo store brand crap where one roll is good for maybe two days–you end up with thousands of empty rolls in the garbage by trash day and it just feels like such a waste of good cardboard.

Besides, if you live with men the empty rolls are all over the sink surround 'cuz they will NOT throw the damned things away, nor will they put a new roll on the spindle. I think it’s a macho thing–maybe the penis atrophies a little every time a man changes the roll… :smack:

Fucking A right.

I would like to point out that ShitBeGone gives you free shipping and a free ShitBeGone coffee mug when you order a whole case. Seriously, who can resist an entire case of individually-paper-wrapped rolls of TP with that label on them?

Disclaimer: I ordered a case of it and while it’s not the best TP I’ve ever used, it is double-ply and pretty soft. My wife thinks it’s worth the amused comments from houseguests, so I suppose that’s saying something.

This thread has had me laughing for hours, everytime I think about it I giggle. Thanks. :slight_smile:

About five years ago I had a student that worked with me a year earlier send me a care package back from Russia. The chewing gum was pretty good, the coffee horrible, the thing in the bottle was pretty much unidentifiable, but the lot of us decided it was a mix of brandy and vodka, and no body died from drinking it. The roll of TP was different though. It was thin sheet stuff with the occasional wood splinter in it! Not many, but one is a pain in the rear. It was also about a quarter less wide than american stuff. The width was not really a problem, the splinters were.
He added were we to respond (We are the people he worked with) and send a package, send TP. We decided to send Scott, most punch in the smallest package. Not the best by a long shot, but sending wood chips might have been better than what they have there. It is all relative to what you have I guess.

:eek: Er…uh…you do know that’s not what you’re supposed to do with it, right?

:wink:

I never buy the fancy TP because when you eventually find yourself in a public bathroom, your ass will be spoiled by the fancy stuff and the regular public-consumption TP will wreck ya. Better to be conditioned by something middle-of-the-road, so you can deal with any TP in any bathroom.

Isn’t taking the shit what you purchase toleit paper for?

Ain’t that the truth. I try to avoid taking a shit at work because they get that institutional crap that’s like wiping with 80 grit sandpaper. My delicate, non-calloused asshole just can’t take the abuse.

There’s always this thread.

And a related thread, here is Scylla’s contribution to the genre.

Robin