So where to begin?
I’ve just had to close shop on an Internet adventure. We lost our financing, so our project got absorbed into another division where it will be used as a client showpiece and research tool. If we had finished 6 months earlier, we could have sold out to the bastards that came to market and made a mint. Alas, we are now moving into a completely new area, that still looks promising, but it just wouldn’t be our site, y’know?
Anyways, our two programmers just left this afternoon to return to their homes and find other work. Now that they are gone, I don’t know if I should cry or celebrate. I have never in my life had to put up with as much bullshit from two individuals as I have had to in this past year. And to top it off, they are my friends. I can’t even bitch at them. Dicks.
I hired them in the beginning. They are bright, experienced, and I thought they could add a lot to what we wanted to accomplish. I was also helping them out of a bad situation because they were unhappy with their present jobs at our parent company. I thought that they were simply having problems dealing with the corporate structure of a growing company. Where I’m at, we have a few people and tons of freedom- maybe that is what they need to grow and prove their worth. Maybe giving them a job and saying “go for it dude” is all that they were looking for.
I was wrong. They were having problems with the parent company because they refused to work on any other schedule than their own. And I have sorely paid the price.
I am not a technician. I am not an administrator. I am the guy who accepts responsibility for projects and makes them happen. My goal in life is to move into the small business world and become an entrepreneur. If I can help, I want to, but if someone else can do the job better, then they should do it. No pride, no bullshit, just do what it takes. I thought that that was what would work with these two. I was dead wrong.
I worked next to them in a small room, sort of an office for three. When they were hired, they sort of took over a bunch of my responsibilities of keeping the computers going, organizing stuff, etc. I had to create a new role for myself. I had a bunch of time on my hands. So I looked at what was happening to see if everything was going all right.
The thing that first started to irk me was that they were spending a ton of time on the Internet and writing emails. So I started asking them what they were doing and tried to figure out how I could work with them, y’know, to get things moving. After a few weeks of this, I started getting attitude. Why was I asking? What good was it for me to put myself into their work? I didn’t know how to program, they did, so let them do their jobs fer chrissake. They only wanted to hear from the big boss, because otherwise it wouldn’t be “efficient.” I’d just be another unnecessary step. No, it didn’t matter that the big boss was busy, and I mean truly busy- how many people out there have bosses that work many hours a week more than they do? No, they wanted the word from God himself; otherwise I was just getting in the way.
A line was drawn in the sand. I did not have the right to look over their shoulders. I couldn’t comment on how or what they did. They were untouchables by any and all below the big boss. And he didn’t have time to look at what they were doing- he was busy as shit! Gee, what a nice way to justify doing whatever you want; set up rules that can only favour you.
I balked at this. I fucked up. I argued openly because my pride was hurt. I now know I shouldn’t have done it, not because it was wrong, but because it was not beneficial to the business. It was personal and I should have let it go.
Efficiency arguments eventually won the day. Now when they were writing emails all morning long, it was not something to be concerned about, it was something to be embraced- they are computer programmers after all. That is what they do. Who am I to pass judgement? I’m not a techie…I can’t do what they do, and they only have respect for others who can. No, sorry, the fact that I keep the office running, make sure all the bills are paid, the work permits are completed, the payroll is ready, the phones are answered, lunch is prepared, toilet paper is available- everything else is done so you don’t have to worry about it, no, that is not your problem. You are a computer programmer. You need to be coddled, caressed, cajoled into working. You need the freedom to find yourself, to allow your brain to be empty of outside influences so you can concentrate on the project at hand. Communication with others? Pah! Here, I’ll write a SQL statement and then maybe you’ll understand.
So the project is ending. Edges need to be knocked off, corners polished, etc. We need to finish what we have to fit it into another department’s arena. You escape the confines of the parent company with everything you wanted- money, stock options, freedom. But, please, we need just a few things finished- could you please do it? Just this once, don’t write the emails, don’t surf the net, simply finish the task at hand.
No? You needed to watch the Netcast of some interview of some tech geeks yesterday? You needed to research some new application of ASP+? Two days of work left and you show up late and leave early? I now have to hire someone else to finish your job? And I’m supposed to think that this is normal? I’m not allowed to bitch because you are the ones looking for work now?
Gee. I wonder…
Don’t you suppose that I would have tried harder to ensure that you had a job, IF ONLY YOU HAD WORKED? If only instead of bullshit, I had gotten a little progress?
Fuck you. Fuck all computer programmers. From here on out, I will NEVER hire you flat out. It is going to be contract work and contract work ONLY. You don’t deliver, you don’t get paid. You don’t like it - fuck off. I tried to make sure you were happy; I tried to make sure that the environment was supportive. I tried to bow down to everything you wanted. I got repaid with bullshit and slacker attitude.
No more. Times are changing. You are needed, but you are not Gods. NO email. NO slack. NO privileges. You break your contract, I sue. Big time. If you are here, you better work. I have yet to deny any days off…anything that is needed is provided. But for that, you will work when I say so. Not when to mood fits you.
So here I am, three shots drunker and a few projects short of completion. And tomorrow I have to go drinking with them to say goodbye. How can I accept all that has happened and not bitch? How can I continue with a friendship knowing that in the end, I do not respect these people and their attitudes? AAAhhh!!! The pain of not being able to do what you want because you know that two wrongs don’t make a right.
So I will drink, I will smile, I will wish them the best.
But they had better not ever use me as a reference. I wouldn’t force them onto my worst enemy.
Fire your programmers. Hire someone else on a contract basis only. Programmers are the whiniest bunch of assholes I’ve ever had the misfortune to work with. They will take and take and take and then leave you hanging. And for this they will be able to brag to other programmers about how they were able to get away with anything, because they are the Gods. Without them, the company couldn’t exist.
Yeah, right. As it stands, I got the raise last month; you are looking for work. You’ll find it, but as soon as they see how you work, you won’t get included in the plans for the future. Enjoy it while you can. But not with me, not with my company. And since you are only going to find short-term work, when someone newer, smarter, YOUNGER comes along and takes your place…don’t bitch. You had your chance to develop a long-term relationship and you blew it.
Goodbye.
