There are an awful lot of loser moms out there, too. Anyone who works in family law will tell you that the worst divorce cases are the ones where neither parent should have custody. 
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The mother of my child owes me quite a bit of child support. How is this misandric?
The system does have a bias towards mother’s custody, but the best way to fight that particular misandry is to be a decent father.
Honestly, I don’t think these first two are good examples. This was back support. The children were supported by the female solely for some time. In effect the mother “loaned” the child support payments to herself, to cover her and the kid’s daily life, that’s why they had put off the trip to Cancun and the super annoying stereo, and then got repaid.
The third sounds like a matter of either addiction, or simply moving money around. Did your friend eat well? have a warm place to sleep? Most people would cut corners to feed their bingo habit. Your friend’s mother didn’t have to, because she had the child support.
This is a chicken-or-egg scenario. Do they pay child support because they see the kids a lot, or do they see the kids a lot AND pay because they just plain old love and care for them?
I can’t. I don’t have kids myself, but I simply can’t see how or why any loving and caring parent would actually abandon their kids just to avoid having to deal with some “bullshit” and “stress”.
I can see grousing about how “man, that ex-spouse is being uncooperative and annoying” or “the court ruling is unfair and a real pain in the ass”. But saying “Fuck it, I’m done”? Bailing out on your children because of some post-divorce hassles and annoyances, even if they are manifestly unfair and aggravating? Doesn’t sound like much of a parent to me.
I thought the thing about parenting is supposed to be that you’re always there for your kids, no matter what; not that you’ll be there for them as long as you don’t have to put up with “bullshit” and “stress”. I can’t really feel any empathy or understanding for parents who think that problems caused by other adults are an adequate reason for them to turn their back on their own kids.
(Assuming you’re not just trolling)
What “right”, the one to abandon your child? If you really believe that being expected to provide for your kids is “misandric”, you’re an even bigger retard than I thought.
I agree. Kids have a desire to know and be loved by their biological parents even if they are in a good family with a step parent. It’s hard to imagine a scenario where being gone from thier lives is the “best” thing.
Who do you suppose paid for the kids home, food, clothes, and medical, while these women you complain about took the kid’s dads to court?
You’re missing te point. While Dad is paying Nothing Mom can’t save money or go on vacation because she is paying for, ALL the expenses of the child. MAybe she has money taken out at work for medical coverage, she buys ALL the clothes, and ALL the groceries, pays ALL the rent or mortage. So she can’t save for a vacation.
I know there are examples of Mom’s recieving CS who are irresponsible, but SX money goes to the household, and the person running that household gets to decide how they budget thier household. It’s certainly not as simple as CS is X dollars and that has to be spent directly on the kids.
I suppose the women often don’t know. Some just justify and rationalize.
My daughter’s ex, who basically abandoned his daughter, sent a little guilt money occasionally and forgot birthdays and Christmas, eventually had a girlfriend with her own child and suddenly wanted to connect with his daughter. He called and his 7 year old didn’t want to talk to him, and Mom would not force her because of his history of briefly showing an interest and then ignoring her , and hurting her feelings.
He got all indignant and had the nerve to tell my daughter that his new girlfriend was getting pissed that she wasn’t making her daughter talk to the biological Dad. As if my daughter gives a rat’s ass about his new girlfriend’s opinion.
He quickly gave up and wouldn’t make a patient consistent effort to have a relationship with his daughter. I’m sure they justified it by telling themsleves it was my daughter’s fault.
I have no patience for biological parents who think DNA affords them privileges their actions don’t merit.
Legally I think they are. If his ex is bitter and tries to keep hjim from his kids then he needs to go to court for visitation privilieges. That means he’ll need to provide CS. She may claim he hasn’t even though he’s tried so he needs some way to show he’s made the attempt, or be willing to pay a lump sum back payment.
It was already spent on the children. Back child support is child support that was already spent by the receiving parent.
If I buy a coat with a credit card, the credit card company pays the store right away, because stores have continuous costs that can’t necessarily wait for whenever I get around to paying off my credit card bill. When I pay my credit card bill, I don’t get to be indignant because the credit card company is now spending my coat payment on things other than coats, because it already paid for the coat.
Kudos to her for putting the kids first. Depending on the kids ages she might get them to ask Dad directly for things when they come up. “Dad I need shoes, can we go shopping?” "Dad, I need this much for a baseball uniform:
It’s curious that she doesn’t get CS because it’s usually figured on shared income. If he makes much more then he’s responsible for more. She might look into what her legal options are if it’s a serious financial burdon.
Well, if the Dad is a total asshole who consistently causes more problems and emotional issues with his kids when he comes around that’s one thing, but generally kids need and want thier biological parents to be there if they are emotionally mature enough to be a good parent.
I underlined the two words which answer your question. Sadly, there are a lot of people there who simply do not love or care about their kids.
I don’t get it either, and I’m not a bleeding heart “won’t someone think of the children?!!” type of person. At a minimum, a sense of duty should prevail over anything else. You don’t even need to be particularly bonded to your children to feel guilty over their treatment.
I kind of feel sorry for most absentee parents (don’t stone me!). It’s gotta eat at you at least a little bit to know your kid has been abandoned by you. With so many people walking around with guilt-ridden psyches, it’s no wonder we have so many issues today. Every time Mother’s or Father’s Day rolls around, life must suck for deadbeats.
Or they hate the ex more than they love the kids.
Well that is very kind of you to say, but I had to drop in and give one serious caveat: I wrote my note 5 years after our divorce, this is how it is now. Just after the divorce the ex & I were at each other’s throats blowing money on lawyers and generally being total shits to each other.
For my part I didn’t drag the kids into it, and I didn’t see much evidence of her doing that either, so at least we were both adults about that part.
So if I have any overall advice to anyone going through a divorce and all the ugliness that surrounds it just consider that a few years down the road much of the vitriol dies down, and you can get on with life. That’s the important part to know - what seems intolerable right now will fade, eventually.