I hate this godforsaken concentration camp. It smells like death in this place.
God corporate sucks big big big big, hairy, hemhoroid-infested, scabby ASS!
I’m going to go drown myself in the watercooler. I got your “multitasking”
you godam bloodworm. Why don’t you multitask on my anus! If I have to hear
one more utterance of that fucking nonsensical, hypercorporate,
illegitimate-ass office-speak, I’m going to hole punch the staff and bound
them all in my ass-crack. Yeah- how bout I show my willingness to be a
“team player” by rocket launching those “deliverables” straight up your
dusty, liverspotted ass by COB you pathetic desk booger?! I’m going to stay
late today, eat some really rancid cheese, and take individual craps on each
person’s desk here. Sons of bitches. File that one away in your rolodex
you cufflinked, acronym-spewing, two-faced, brown-nosing, Volvo driving,
fake-ass, faxing chunk of goat placenta.
Bad day, eh?
It sounds to me you need to re-assess your private goals in order to make them line up with corporate policies. But remember to think outside the box every now and then as well!
Hey, at least they’re not talking about the stock market, right?
Oh, but they are, they are.
me too.
Magda,
What you need to do is leverage your intellectual capital to generate a win / win scenario for all the stake holders in your enterprise which will engender a proactive, collaborative, entrepreneurial team environment to increase share holder value through increased productivity by utilizing your core competencies in technology. 
.
.
.
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Translation: Show the old farts how to surf for porn & they’ll leave you the hell alone. 
Thanks Joe, but I don’t think you used the passive voice enough.
“What you need to do is leverage your intellectual capital so that a win/win scenario WILL BE GENERATED for all the stakeholders in your enterprise whereby a proactive, collaborative, entrepreneurial team environment to increase shareholder value through increasec productivity WILL BE ENGENDERED.”
My core competencies are not in technology.
Magda,
Nit Picker! 
richard, is that you?
We haven’t even had dinner!
-S
I don’t know how to use the “quote” feature, but I absolutely love the image of the entire staff being hole-punched and bound in your ass crack!!!
Fuck’em.
This isn’t Coldfire! What have you done with my friend???
-Sam
Not to revive an old thread, but I quit! Today is last day! Woohoo!
Wanna Job?
I’m opening myself up here, can feel it…
Sure, what job?