Killroy was here.
All fired up and ready for greenware!
Sorry you’re having a bad day, Mama Tiger, but “kill” is a widely accepted pronunciation.
Please don’t pull your vehicle into the crosswalk, or all the way into the intersection. I know you want to take off as quickly as possible when the light turns green, but that extra three feet or so is trivial to your goals.
It is not, however, trivial to me and the puppy as we’re crossing the street. Especially when a bus is moving across the intersection at the same time. You left us about two feet between the grill of your stupid half SUV-half truck thing and the city bus, idiot. I know your cell phone conversation was very important, but that doesn’t absolve you of your duty to stop BEFORE the crosswalk.
Your goddamn car was at least stopped, so I didn’t think we’d have a problem going around you. Unfortunately, it’s a big and scary engine, and the puppy didn’t know what to make of it. So suddenly the puppy, who is normally very good at crossing the street, is freaking out in the middle of the crosswalk of a very busy intersection while a bus is going by. Because you couldn’t be assed to pay attention to your car’s front end, the puppy (and possibly I) almost ended up as road pizza.
I manged to scoop her up, finally, and hustle the rest of the way across the street. She is, however, a growing golden retriever puppy. This will not be an option for long. And don’t think I didn’t see you admiring one of us (and, no, I’m not sure which) from your truck window! Would you have admired us so much when one or both of us was under the freaking bus??
You had room to back up, when you saw us crossing the walk. You just couldn’t be bothered. Thanks a lot.
Ass.
Oh, I do, I do.
Mama Tiger, in a situation like that, I make it my business to find a way to communicate exactly who screwed up, in a way that doesn’t make me look like a whiner. It’s a point of pride for me. Like asking for clarification of a small point, and dropping the info in the conversation somewhere of when you got the work and how much was involved. You have to be creative and think outside the box sometimes to accomplish this. 
OK, I didn’t expect to get Cubs opening day tickets when the online ticketing opened hell, it’s usually too damn cold then anyway, so I waited until the late afternoon to buy, but lo and behold, I STILL can’t buy, even though I can get through to the ticketing system I can’t buy because of “high volume”. What? Listen you dipshits, fix the problem. More servers, more storage, more network, whatever, just fucking fix it so I can buy my damn tickets. Fuckers.
Speaking of tickets:
These tickets are a commodity, I get that. Bleacher seats are Wrigley are, arguably, the best seat in baseball (all the fancy-assed box seats and clubs not withstanding) and of course, the crosstown classic is THE game, but you know what, buying them today to sell on craigslist tonight for double and triple the price is fucking bullshit. Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. And the rest of the games; Sure, you can make money, good for you, make the money, but the truth of the matter is that you’re part of the problem with our society.
You buy the things that actually mean something to people, which are already too damned expensive in the first place, and charge them more for one item than it would take to purchase four from the original seller, just so your greedy ass can make a buck. Well fuck you with a jagged bottle you greedy pricks.
Baseball is something inherently sacred to the American male identity (not to every American male, but still). You will, as a man, never forget the first big league game you went to, how that stadium exploded with sights, sounds and smells right before your eyes when you came out of that hallway walking toward your seats. This is the experience you want to wring so much more money out of? This is the thing you want to exploit? Hey, good for you, you’re a perfect example of how the free market system works, and a perfect example of what’s wrong with it.
Goddamn motherfucking morons!
I can only assume that intersection attracts them. Walking to dinner tonight, my roommate and I were crossing, with the light for those keeping track at home, and a woman decided to turn left right into us! She stopped with just about three feet between her bumper and my knee as my roommate and I jumped and scrambled to get out of her way. Then she had the audacity to be mad at us!
We had the right of way you goddamned harpy! If you’d been paying attention, the whole traffic pattern would have gone smoothly, and we wouldn’t have been in danger of limb (if not life) and you would have been on your way that much faster.
Pay attention to the road when you’re behind the freaking wheel you morons!
Oh, not to worry; when I sent her the first 340 pages at 6 pm last night, I said, “unfortunately, there was a mixup in communication between the office and me about due dates,” which even an idiot can understand to mean “they didn’t tell me the right date!”, I would hope. In any case, she got the next 65-page chunk a little after midnight, so I hope she noticed the time stamp and the fact that I CAN get the work out fast IF THEY GIVE ME THE FUCKING CORRECT DUE DATE.
But right now I just want to sleep for a week. 
If the woman to my right does not stop grunting direct pronto I will remove her head from her neck.
Grunting? What is she trying to squeeze out a log or something?
I have no idea. When I looked over there she was putting papers in her bookbag. How this was a super-strenuous task, I don’t know.
I keep forgetting to rant about this - I finally remembered! Yay!
Advertising tv screens in public bathrooms. In the stalls, on the doors, over the paper towel dispensers, and, apparently, over the urinals. With sound. With no buttons to turn them off. I freaking hate being forced to watch and listen to your crappy (heh) advertising for things I don’t care about. It’s like when I buy a dvd, and it has advertising at the front that I can’t skip over - did I not just pay for this product? How dare you put your advertising in the product I already bought. And a special shout out to people like my sister, who says she likes advertising in the stalls because she’d get bored in there otherwise. Advertising everywhere - every square inch of our lives covered in crappy advertising. Arrgh! That’s it - compound in the mountains, here I come.
Where does this exist? Let me know so I can never ever go there.
I’ve run into the worst version in the Saddledome (our local large venue/arena). I’ve seen other versions in mall toilets and some tv screens like that for people waiting in checkout lines at the local Wal*Mart. Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll be coming to a toilet near you soon.
They better not. I live in podunk Eastern NC where you can still find sharecroppers cabins–lived-in sharecroppers cabins–out in the terbacky fields. One of my roommates is going to Calgary this week, so I’ll warn him about it.
Well, not everywhere. And the gators usually only take toddlers or pets – if you keep one of those near you to fling at the gators, you’re pretty safe.
I would like to know why in the hell it is necessary to pay for air to fill my tires.
And, if I’ve got to pay, could you please be a little bit more flexible with the payment terms? What if I don’t have 3 fucking quarters on me at the time that my tires happen to be low?
Ugh.
I wish this cold would be over! I wish my hair would comply with at least one of my wishes regarding its arrangement. I wish I could say no to some volunteer opportunities. I wish people who recognize that I can’t say no would stop exploiting that fact by nominating me for positions of greater responsibility in these organizations. I wish the person who said he’d call me back “first of the week” had defined that for me. I wish my response to feeling fat wasn’t to eat a Snickers. I wish the economy didn’t suck. I wish I felt like a better mother. I wish people would pick up their orders.
Telephone banking,if I’m using the facility of telephone banking its probably because my work schedule does not allow me the time to visit the bank in person and I have a transaction that must be put through.
Also my mobile may or may not have much credit on it,likewise battery charge,apart from that I’m ringing on my limited breaktime so I dont feel even remotely tempted to take up insurance,travellers cheques or a will writing service after having to wait through an unnecessary recorded advert when all I want to do is set up a direct debit.
There could be a clue there somewhere in that I’ve never taken up your offers sent to me in the post and have flatly rejected them at the bank itself.
The only effect has been to make me extremely irate while I’m forced to listen to the verbal diahorrea.
Yes Barclays I’m fucking well talking to you.
The machine that puts the air in there costs money. You could always get a straw and blow really, really hard.
Motherfuckers. Television is not an addictive substance on par with hard drugs. You will not be sucking dick for a hit of TV. If anyone you know (or you) had ever been addicted to a hard drug, you would not be insisting that a person can be addicted to cookies or American Idol. Obsessed, sure. Addicted, just like someone might be to heroin or cocaine? Fuck off, bitches. Your internet “cites” lack substance and qualifications. You simply have no idea what you are talking about.