April mini-rants.

I’m sitting in class right now. One of my classmates is doing a presentation, which seems to consist entirely off her reading off her powerpoint slides.

I’m pretty sure this is a violation of the Geneva Convention. Kill me now.

There’s a cat food commercial that advertizes the Flavors of Tuscany.

Like your cat gives a shit.

No restroom requires the simultaneous deployment of 5 different kinds of “air freshener” (Glade “Hawaiian,” Febreze Linen & Sky, institutional “apple” scent, wall-mounted antiseptic tang, and some kind of lingam-shaped thing filled with orange goo lurking by the sink). If the restroom is properly maintained, any one of those will suffice to cover any lingering odors. If the restroom is not properly maintained, no amount of fragrance will disguise that unpleasant reality.

What you’re doing, office odor-phobe, is committing olfactory vandalism. Honestly, given the choice between the overwhelming synthetic stink (what the hell do “linen” and “sky” smell like, anyway?) and the slight but identifiable odor of shit, I’d rather smell the shit.

Ah, I was looking for this thread earlier.

My ex-husband and my husband’s ex-wife have apparently been competing for a while in a race to the grave. Today it’s looking like his ex is going to win it. We knew it was coming, but boy are we not ready. It means we’ll be adding another kid (and her dog?) to a house already bursting at the seams. His kids and my kids can’t stand each other, plus my husband and I don’t really see eye to eye on child-related issues. I don’t know how we’ll fit another car in the driveway either. Then we have the emotional devastation thing… Right now, I feel we’re in the barrel at the top of Niagara Falls.

I’m putting my hands over my eyes.

After an unsedated drawer test and no x-rays (despite the fact that we specifically requested them), the vet who diagnosed our dog with “classic ACL injury, wouldja like to book the surgery today?” was wrong.

He’s got bone cancer.

Nice job, Doogie Howser, DVM. Good thing we asked for a second opinion. You’ll be getting a letter from us…

In fact, my cats would undoubtedly prefer shit to the Flavors of Tuscany. Where’s the cockroach flavored cat food?

Dear Time Magazine,

Please stop giving morons like Jenny McCarthy space to say stupid things about vaccines. She’s an ill informed idiot and needs to shut up.

Thanks!

Behind the baseboards, proabably.
I work for a huge freaking company that cannot do even the smallest thing right. There’s 9 million websites, SharePoints, wikis and whateverthefuckalls; none of which seem to have the information I need. Anyone I ask invariably chirps “It’s on the whateverthefuckalls!”. Thank G-d my body hurts too much to move from my cube or I’d be clubbing my coworkers to death with my three whole punch.

*whimpers *can I just go home now, please?

I appreciate that you’re using headphones. But if I’m sitting 4 feet away and can still make out the baseline - the music is too damned loud.

turn it down.

He would give a Tuscany-flavored shit.

But did she pass out a printed copy of all the Powerpoint slides before she began her presentation so you could follow along? This was standard practice for most of the training classes and presentations at my former job.

I have been graduated for four months and haven’t gotten a single fucking job offer that was even halfway decent. What a shitty shitty time to get an MBA. Plus while I’m in the lurch I’m back in my hometown (Bumblefuck, OK, population 10,000). Everybody I used to know here has gone save maybe two people, so instead of starting my career I’m sitting around obsessively ordering books from Amazon. Yay me.

It sounds like they’re trying to make college closer and closer to what you’ll experience on the job!

Ameritrade keeps sending a shit-ton of statements to my office. We have asked repeatedly that they stop sending them, as they are coming to us in error. Like clockwork they show up.

Moreover, they’re addressed to the wrong suite number. We’ve pointed that out a million times, too. For months we’ve told them.

So, finally, I marked them all return to sender and sent them back.

They came BACK marked “no such address” with the stamp’s pointy finger pointing to the return address.

Snow? WTF was that shit this morning, hey? I know I’m at altitude and all, but it’s fucking April. I like snow. But I’ve had enough of it for now. GO AWAY!!!

OK, so it’s a free airline ticket (a company picnic door prize that I won), but why the hell has it taken ten days, nine phone calls and a trip to the agent’s office (our contracted travel agent donated the ticket) to get the damn reservation made? Now I’ve just noticed, in the itinerary just below the message triumphantly announcing “we finally got your booking made!”, they’ve spelled my last name wrong. Jiminy Christmas.

Flipping the pages of such a handout is a great way to make other people think you’re paying attention. Even better, you can learn the technique for drawing while holding and moving your pen as if you’re taking notes. (Simple landscapes work best for this activity in my experience.)

I spend a lot of time at work writing reports and procedures. Based on the number of questions I get each day, I’m pretty sure that no one outside of my department bothers to read them.

She did print out some of the graphs and charts to pass out. The devil made her do it! Only a truly diabolical creature would ever cause an innocent grad student to do such a thing.

What kills me is that every week this semester (we’re now in the 12th week, btw) someone has done a presentation, and did anyone else do this? No. Everyone else made judicious use of powerpoint, no one else printed out slides. Clearly, this person felt that something vital was missing from the presentation process.

Oh yeah, I’m back in grad school after eight years in the working world, I know of what you speak. Doesn’t make it any more enjoyable to sit through.

This is apparently disturbingly common. My wife worked as a receptionist for a vet clinic and they had at least one referral a month to their orthopedic vet (best in the area, he’s even had the occasional referral by name from as far away as, well, you) for ACL or knee injury that turned out to be misdiagnosed inoperable bone cancer. Generally to add to the pain, 90% of these would have been curable if diagnosed correctly on the first vet visit.