Dear Brain - next time you decide to take a vacation, please take the body with you.
Why the fuck do they make passwords that expire every three months but then when you do change them they don’t fucking work the next day. I wrote the fucker down so I know it is correct. Yeah I know I am not suppose to, but I can’t remember at least a dozen different passwords.
You worked fine yesterday and everything was cool. I was in. Then I had to have someone reset another password that of course also expires every three months. But it would not work. I tried several times but it was the end of the day so I figured I would just try again in the morning.
So I come in this morning and the one I reset yesterday that was working now won’t work and due to my trying more than three times I am locked out. FUCK.
I don’t even want to do what I am being asked to do but it makes it even worse when I can’t even get onto the fucking system and even if I could I can’t get to the drive as the other new password won’t work.
I know all this security crap is important to someone but I have had it with fucking passwords on every system and a password on every drive I need to access on that system.
Folks, when you come up to the desk to ask a question, please do the following:
a. Speak up. Whispering hurts my ears.
b. Speak at a reasonable speed, notfiftymilesanhourohmygodmytimeissoimportant.
c. E-nun-ci-ate. I don’t speak mumble.
Following these three easy steps will get you the results you need more quickly.
WORD!!!
(I’m probably too white to say that. Oh well.)
I asked my developers for a wiki. I had a great conversation with the head guy about how much I love wikis and hate CMAs and how and why wikis are superior in most respects. I thought he understood but then he left the company. So after six more months of meetings and discussions and reminders and so on, they gave me what they said was a “wiki-like CMA” that they said was just as good as a wiki but with FEATURES! Like organizational structures that made it so much EASIER! … once you get through the learning curve, that is. So I swallowed my cynicism and said okay, I’ll trust you, how bad could it be?
I figure hey, if it’s BETTER than a wiki because of the FEATURES, I might as well learn my way around the features, right? Obviously they add some value, because if not, I’d just be using a wiki (like I asked), right? So I bravely enter the wiki-like CMA (which is exactly like a wiki but totally opposite, in almost every important aspect) and struggle away trying to get my brain around this cumbersome thing, which I can do, but only to some degree, because unlike a wiki it is TOTALLY counter-intuitive and the back end bears no apparent resemblance to the front end.
But it’s okay! They promised to be as helpful as possible to support me and make my learning easier. Which is great because I’ve figured out a lot on my own but become stuck on these two tasks which I can’t figure out. I am only trying to reproduce something they already did so I know they can help me. But their help is only effective if they actually return, oh, at least one of my three phone calls and two e-mails from yesterday. Which they didn’t. So I spun my wheels all day trying to figure out (a) how and (b) why they made this particular mess of my website, because no doubt they had a good reason for it, because why else would we be using this over-“featured” thing anyway?
Okay, fine, one extra day on my learning curve, and fortunately they answered the phone this time I called. And the answer I got was basically this:
Ignore the features and pretend it’s a wiki.
Apparently this place is better insulated than I though, because it was still 19 degrees in here this morning. Anyway, they just fixed it. Long story short is that the water heater is actually used to provide heat to the apartment, and somehow we’d gotten a bunch of air in our pipes, which meant that hot water wasn’t circulating properly.
Ah, sweet, sweet warmth.
Actually, that’s pretty accurate. I’ve seen some horrific phenol burns. I ended up with only first degree burns because, coincidentally, I had water already running in the sink right next to the hood, so I just put down the tube I was holding and plunged my arms into the water immediately.
To my roommate: Our place smells like you and that’s severely unfortunate. I’m off to buy another bottle of fabreeze for the couch. And the trash fairy is dead, so guess what, you might have to take it out from time to time also.
To Mr. Movies employees: I like movies, I don’t return them on time, I happily pay the fine and rent more. I understand your boss makes you call me, but stop being an ass an acting like I owe YOU money.
Well, it’s either pour out the drink in the parking lot or set down the half-full cup or can carefully at the edge of the space when I leave, so that the next person can smush it when they pull in, or trip over it.
Walk over to a trash can to dispose of it? Are you nuts? It’s their fault anyway for selling me a Big Gulp when I can’t drink all of it.
Look! You want my parking space. I want to go home. Neither of us can achieve her goal if you idle there so I cannot vacate the parking place. Back the fuck up!
You are not toxic, sharp, valuable or even all that highly desirable. Why are you vacuum sealed into a molded plastic prison which, when I finally pry it open with scissors will cut me while I try and wrestle you out of there? Yeah new stapler I’m talkin’ to you, but this goes for all your hermetically sealed friends too!
Customer in a RUSH. Sure I’ll tie myself in knots to meet an insane deadline. It’s one of the ways I can compete with the nasty, independent store crushing, gigantic chain. But it’s time to come pick it up now. I had to rearrange other orders and call in a favor to get the thing ready for the 24th of December. Why is it still here??? Another week and I’m gonna start charging rent.
Hey Dipshit Ex, CALL YOUR SON!!! And answer your fucking phone when he calls you.
Threadshitting sucks!!! I can usually tell from a title if a thread has nothing to do with me. Even if I accidentally open one that doesn’t interest me I don’t then need to post in it how stupid it is for not being relevant to me.
Dear everybody at the gym,
Do not walk fucking 3 people across on a 3 lane track. Do no walk staggered so I have to zig-zag in between your stupid asses. If you’re here because you haven’t quit on your new years resolution just yet, stay to the fucking outside before somebody elbows you in the head as they pass.
Naw, it’s 7-11’s fault for the cigarette butts you occasionally toss out. Nice try though.
I am fucking sick of doomsaying. So tired of feeling frightened all the time. Somebody invent some kind of nanobots to fix the fucking climate, already!
Dear cow-orker in the next aisle who clips her nails weekly:
SNIP!
SNIP!
SNIP!
KNOCK!
IT!
OFF!
DO!
IT!
AT!
HOME!
No shit. Preach it. Same goes for the three bimbos of the apocalypse here at work who go to the cafeteria all day long - I swear to whomever is holy that no matter what time of day I go to the cafeteria for iced tea or lunch or a midfuckingmorning snack these three fuckheads are in the hallway, walking next to each other, talking, and walking slower than I thought was humanly possible. AND THEY WON’T GET OUT OF YOUR WAY!!!
Dear University financial department:
I DROPPED OUT! Why am I getting a bill for health insurance and an added “health fee?” (and WTF is that?! It seems like just an excuse to add another $250 to the health insurance cost.) The bill says it’s for the spring 2008 semester…I didn’t register for any classes and dropped out BEFORE the semester started, yet you decided the best time to bill me was at the start of December, before the semester started. At least it doesn’t count as a financial hold on my account, so I was able to have them send my transcript to the better college I’m applying to (God, I actually said RPI is BETTER than another school? Someone just shoot me now.)
Dude. Stop calling me. Stop dangling hope in front of me. I want to believe you’re a good person, but your behaviour hasn’t shown me that. I am trying to get out of the vicious circle I always seem to find myself in…and your sweet talk is NOT HELPING!
Go away. I like the ideal, not the person.
Friend, you are rapidly descending to acquaintance territory. Do not drag me into your bullshit. I know my roommate pulled my name into it when he (lied) said he was waiting for me to give him the money I owed him so he could pay you for the job you didn’t do. You did not earn any money and he’s being overly nice in considering paying you at all. You walked into a serious business meeting with a product that my nine-year-old nephew could have done. In the real world, with people who aren’t your friends, you would have been out on your ass. Wake up and realize that people aren’t going to always give you money because they like/feel sorry for you.
And yes, you will get your money in the next month. It will be given to your landlady as a partial rent payment. All you would do is blow it at Target and Victoria’s Secret.
On the most recent Law and Order, Jeremy Sisto’s character (Why, God?? Why?) attempts to execute a search warrant on a car. Before going in, he tells the husband of the suspect “If you want anything out of there, you better get it now.”
Did you guys ever watch a cop show? Did you ever do any kind of research on cops??? No cop would EVER let someone take anything out of anything that he was about to searched, because, I don’t know…IT MIGHT BE EVIDENCE!!!
I have worked in accounts payable departments for quite a while now, and it isn’t rocket surgery - vendors send you invoices for services, and you pay what you owe, or you dispute what you owe and get it cleared up while it’s current. You put the invoice number and amount in the computer, and tickety-boo, it spits out a cheque with all that pertinent information printed on the remittance stub when you do a cheque run. Now that I’m working on the accounts receivable side, what I would really like to know is how so many apparently professional companies cannot seem to:
- put the proper, valid invoice numbers on all the amounts on the cheque (here’s a tip for all those accounts payable professionals at the other end of the cheques I’m getting - you know where it says “INVOICE NUMBER” on the invoices we send you? Try using those.)
- not pay invoices twice - there are ways and means of keeping track of invoices in and payments out. USE THEM!!!
- have the cheque number and total amount show up on the stub (that’s not a big deal because it’s always on the cheque itself, but it would make my job a whole lot easier, and there’s really no reason for it to not be on there).
- reference an original invoice number for a credit - you are taking a credit because we invoiced you in the first place. You do not take a credit for no reason - there is always an original number associated with it. Please, for the love of all that’s holy, tell me what the original number was. Especially if you have 15 or so accounts with us, and you haven’t told me which account it’s for, either.
Whew, that feels better.