Fucking Vegemite thief.

I work in a smallish office (< 30 people most of the time) with a kitchen with a few appliances like microwaves, grills and toasters. Each morning I get to work early, pop a couple of bits of bread in the toaster, grab my butter outta the fridge and reach for my jar of Vegemite to give my day an ambrosiacal start.

Except someone has knocked off my Vegemite. They’ve actually stolen my Vegemite. I searched everywhere of course, but it’s just fucking gone. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than looking at a pathetic piece of buttered toast without the brown gloop on top.

Y’know, I don’t mind people using my Vegemite at work…hey I leave it there so that anyone needing their fix can help themselves freely. Same goes with my butter and bread for that matter…you want some, go for it! In fact my supervisor chucks me a couple of bucks every week to compensate for the privilege of doing just that. He’s a bloke who enjoys the very finest of haute cuisine. :stuck_out_tongue:

But to the fucking lowlife scumbucketty arsehole who nicked my Vegemite, rot in hell. May a thousand camel fleas etc etc, and may you endure Vegemite enemas to the end of days to rid you of said scourge.

Fuckers.

I suggest revenge of biblical preportions. If this isn’t possible, maybe you could buy those single serve things they have in hospitals, hotels etc. If you find the culprit, and they use a computer,I suggest smearing their monitor with promite or marmite (I can’t agree to wasting Vegemite).

Wait a second. You have to pay to eat Vegemite?

Except a piece of toast with

D&R

If Vegemite’s strong, robust flavour is too much for your sensitivities, try it with some tomato and cheese. Or, if how people perceive you isn’t an issue, try dipping Vegemite toast in tea or coffee. It’s like some heavenly drug!

The thief is already punished enough - he now has a jar of Vegemite, the poor soul!

Been there, had the same problem. Now I keep my bread and Vegemite in my desk. Don’t start me off about how Baker’s Delight always manages to cut their half loaves into exactly nine slices, though. That can lead to stabbings.

Vegemite spreading is incompatible with this 9 slice scenario?

Worse than feeding him vegemite?

Who the fuck would steal vegemite?

Scratch that…

Who the fuck would eat vegemite?

If you’re selling a small loaf that’s designed to have 10 slices, that’s great. Two pieces of toast (or a sandwich) every workday and toss the crusts at each end.

If you then cut the thing every single time so that it has nine slices of useable bread and two nice, thick crusty bits, one on each end, that’s a fucking hate crime, presumably committed as part of some back-room deal with the psychiatric lobby.

Well, Australians, of course. I mean, who else?

Someone probably got a nice bonus for the nine slice thing. It increases sales by 20%!

Hm, I bet it was one of the…

Men at Work!

I can’t believe no one has said this yet.

We have standards.

My mind read that last word as “dung”. Then I thought, “even heavenly dung is still dung.”

I have in a decade of living in this Sunburnt Country come round to enjoying Vegemite, and that’s just dastardly. Why steal it? Just use some, geez!

(My office has a communal jar of it.)

You wanna catch the bugger? Look for the guy wearing the Hair shirt and wooden shoes.

Yeah, over in the US, I can keep vegemite in any communal fridge and nobody has touched it, and I have no fear they ever will touch it. The problem is that vegemite is bloody expensive stateside so I can’t eat it often anyway.

The road to heavenly dung is paved with vegemite.