I work in a smallish office (< 30 people most of the time) with a kitchen with a few appliances like microwaves, grills and toasters. Each morning I get to work early, pop a couple of bits of bread in the toaster, grab my butter outta the fridge and reach for my jar of Vegemite to give my day an ambrosiacal start.
Except someone has knocked off my Vegemite. They’ve actually stolen my Vegemite. I searched everywhere of course, but it’s just fucking gone. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than looking at a pathetic piece of buttered toast without the brown gloop on top.
Y’know, I don’t mind people using my Vegemite at work…hey I leave it there so that anyone needing their fix can help themselves freely. Same goes with my butter and bread for that matter…you want some, go for it! In fact my supervisor chucks me a couple of bucks every week to compensate for the privilege of doing just that. He’s a bloke who enjoys the very finest of haute cuisine.
But to the fucking lowlife scumbucketty arsehole who nicked my Vegemite, rot in hell. May a thousand camel fleas etc etc, and may you endure Vegemite enemas to the end of days to rid you of said scourge.
I suggest revenge of biblical preportions. If this isn’t possible, maybe you could buy those single serve things they have in hospitals, hotels etc. If you find the culprit, and they use a computer,I suggest smearing their monitor with promite or marmite (I can’t agree to wasting Vegemite).
If Vegemite’s strong, robust flavour is too much for your sensitivities, try it with some tomato and cheese. Or, if how people perceive you isn’t an issue, try dipping Vegemite toast in tea or coffee. It’s like some heavenly drug!
Been there, had the same problem. Now I keep my bread and Vegemite in my desk. Don’t start me off about how Baker’s Delight always manages to cut their half loaves into exactly nine slices, though. That can lead to stabbings.
If you’re selling a small loaf that’s designed to have 10 slices, that’s great. Two pieces of toast (or a sandwich) every workday and toss the crusts at each end.
If you then cut the thing every single time so that it has nine slices of useable bread and two nice, thick crusty bits, one on each end, that’s a fucking hate crime, presumably committed as part of some back-room deal with the psychiatric lobby.
Yeah, over in the US, I can keep vegemite in any communal fridge and nobody has touched it, and I have no fear they ever will touch it. The problem is that vegemite is bloody expensive stateside so I can’t eat it often anyway.
