Some genuine responses I’ve emailed back in response to various work requests. Perhaps the SDMBers can suggest more?
[ul]
[li]O great and powerful master, supreme ruler of the firmament, whose smile is as the sun; whose very knees are objects of divine reverence; before whom the stars themselves bow down in rapture; who teacheth beans to sprout; whose smallest wish is the command of all right-thinking people, including ants; whose very countenance is like unto the gods themselves; whose loins shall be the foundation of dynasties of kings; who inspireth Lithuanians to speak in iambic pentameter, and Albanians to build small mud huts and sit in them with their eyes closed, holding their breath, though Lord knows why; and whose boot I am not worthy to polish with a viscous, sticky, brownish paste, I have done as thou hast commanded.[/li][li]By the beard of my grandfather, I swear that I shall neither rest nor eat, nor bathe, nor look at small yellowish pickles, nor swallow live rabbits, nor dance naked on stage before an audience of world leaders, nor pluck down the stars and fashion them into a gaud to ornament thy brow, nor form a smallish socialist cooperative and plot to overthrow world democracy; neither shall I sit beneath my desk and read aloud, in a strange voice, the verses of the poet Omar Khayyám, nor erect a two hundred feet tall statue of thee, made of rarest jade, standing in a pose oddly reminiscent of an epileptic beaver; nor shall I even whistle the third movement of Beethoven’s Seventh Symphony, off-key, as I float down the mighty Orinoco River in a half-inflated inner tube, before I take note of thy words, O My Master![/li][li]Lo, the eagle that wheels in the pale pink sky at sunrise, proud and aloof; the mountains, stern and inhospitable, capped with white and shrouded in mist at the breaking of the day; the forests and valleys, dark and green, awaiting the sun’s first touch; the quick, babbling streams, silver-white in the grey dawn’s half-light; the toasters, awaiting their first slice of bread; the gerbils, eating from their seed dishes and frankly not giving a hoot about the time of day; and the deluxe extra-sized novelty ribbed condoms in their plastic wrappers; yea, all these bear witness that thy bidding has been done.[/li][/ul]
(Thank goodness my boss has a sense of humour.)