Fun Stories of Parental Suspicion

You know what I mean right? You’ve all been in high school, tell me your best stories of being interrogated by parents who have only a small degree of knowledge of what they’re talking about. This is going to be a major thing in Austin, the local FOX affiliate ran a story on raves, and ways to tell if your kid is doing extasy. One of the warning signs was the wearing of brightly colored beads :rolleyes:

Anyways, my recent story is this. My mom was in my car with me, we were driving around looking for the dog. She was getting on me about the car being dirty, you know, like trash in it and stuff. She was totally in the right there, the car was in need of a cleaning. Anyway, there was some dust on my dash and console, and mom went off on how she didn’t want people smoking in my car, and she knew people had been, because there was “ash”. Then she begins digging around in my center compartment thing and glovebox, and she comes up with one of my pentacles. She asked what it was, but before I could answer she comes out with “I know what it is, it’s a roach clip!”. I laughed for like 2 minutes before I could respond and explain.

She has also told me a story of her brother smoking out in the bathroom when they were kids, and my grandmother banging at the bathroom door shouting “He’s on the pot! He’s on the pot!” That’s what one would expect when he’s in the bathroom, right? Hehe.

Well, let’s hear yours. Whether you are current or former teens everyone seems to have one.

LC

I have two, Both Halloween fun.
Around 1986 or so Safeway gave out halloween glow in the dark safty strips. They were long stickers with glow in the dark paint on the front. We figured out that you could scrape off the paint and get glow in the dark powder. You could rub the powder on things and make them glow. Stupid teenagers that we were, we rubbed the crap on our faces. All kinds of fun things you could do with it.
Untill I was visiting my friend and his mom came in and said “John, we need to talk. Now.” John left the room for a few minutes and then came back and said “My parents think I’m on cocaine!” They found a mirror, a razor blade and a small container of glow powder in his room. He got some spent safeway safty glow strips and went to explain himself.
That was years ago and hillarous at the time. Maybe by now his parents find it funny too.
My other story happened to my friends brother. Mom found some pills in his desk. When mom and dad sat him down for the big talk, he grabbed one of the pills and popped it into his mouth, bit it, and the fake blood went dripping down his chin.
My oldest is 7. I can’t wait…

Oof, my mom is Queen of all things Parental Suspicion.
Scenario Number 1
My sister and I joke about being lesbians all the time (Not together though. No incest here thank you very much). Are we though? Nah, we’re all for the opposite sex. They’re sexy.
My mom is constantly starting up conversations which somehow lead to her asking us if we’re lesbians.

Scenario 2
Again, my sister and I are joking around. We tell my mom we’re going to go to a rave, get high on ecstasy, and meet big strong biker men full of sperm. Of course, we’re not. Maybe some day though. :wink: My mother’s reaction? “So girls, you seem to know an awful lot about raves. Ever been to one? Have you ever been offered ecstasy? Have you ever done ecstasy? If you we’re offered, what would you say? Would you accept?”
Well lets see…no, no, no, yes, oh wait, I mean no.
Other than that, every time I go out with guys, it’s a constant “No mom, we’re just friends. No really mom, we’re JUST FRIENDS”

:smiley:

My ex, who was a hippie wanna-be and obsessive-compulsive decided to start wearing tye-dye. With him this meant that every shirt he wore outside of work had to be tye-dyed.

His parents saw this and accused him of getting into drugs. :rolleyes:

The really sad part? He was about 45 at the time.

At least all of your stories are humorous…

My mother fully believes that I am having sex with my boyfriend every single time we’re together (oh how I wish we were) and…

I looked up the address to a Planned Parenthood for a close friend of mine, my mom thought I needed an abortion and told me to talk to my father before making any decisions. WTF?!

Kitty

I went through a brief phase where I played Vampire live-action roleplaying, for no other reason than because my boyfriend did and lots of women would dress up in revealing clothing at these things and I’d rather be there when he’s drooling over scantily-clad women. I fought back, of course, with scant clothing of my own, but that’s not the point.

My mother bursts into my room one day and shouts, “I know what you’re doing at those vampire parties.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. My friend told me all about them. They do drugs and they kill people there.”

“Er … do they.”

“Yes. I know you’re one of them. I can tell from your pale skin and your dark hair.”

Mind you, I was born with pale skin and dark hair, I will die with pale skin and dark hair, if that’s anyone’s fault it’s my mothers.

“I know,” she’s all but screaming now, “you kill people at these parties and drink their blood. Don’t you? DON’T YOU?!”

It took a lot of willpower but I kept a straight face … turned … looked her right in the eye and said, “Well, we kill people, sure mom, but I don’t drink their blood. That’s not healthy.”

:smiley:

My story seems pretty lame compared to some of these, but it is short, soooooooo:

In college, my parents would still send me a birthday card with $10 in it, which was cool, until I read the small message neatly printed at the bottom of the card: “Son, please don’t use this for drugs or alcohol.”

Now, before I recieved the first card with this interesting message attached, I never had any ideas of using the money for drugs (didn’t do them or - at that time - know anyone who did them) or alcohol (wasn’t much of a drinker). In fact, my ideas of what to do with the money usually centered around ice-cream or pigging out at a fast food place.

However, once I received the first card with attached message, I felt honor bound to do exactly what they asked me not to. So, I went to a bar close to the campus, card in hand. When I explained my predicament to the bartender and showed him the card, he thought it was so amusing that he gave me free drinks all day.

Thus began my college drinking career.

What gave my college drinking career life, was the fact that whenever I found myself feeling full, or having had enough and pushing my half drunk beer mug away, I would hear my mother’s words in my head: “Finish your meal, don’t be wasteful, remember the starving children in Africa…”

OK, Ma, I would say to myself as I downed the rest and finding it satisfactory, ordered another…

Needless to say, I had to learn how to better ignore my parents before I gave up the drinking habit (for health reasons).

These are all great posts.

Mine happened when I was 17. I was dating a girl from a different high school and found out that she was pregnant by her old boyfriend. When I told my parents this, the only thing they heard was that she was pregnant. They totally missed my comment on how she was pregnant by her old boyfriend. I had to explain it to them three times before it sunk in.

Re: The other posts here.
Seriously… can you really blame your parents? The only think that they are really blame them for is ignorance and gross misperception. Given today’s problems with drugs, STD’s and other bad things, I think parents are fully justified to be scared for their childrens’ safety. What they should have is a class that explains the truth about these issues so that parents can talk to their kids instead of appearing like ignorant jerks.

My apologies. My grammar is so bad after a long holiday vacation.

My story requires a little bit of background:

I am the youngest of seven children. Of these seven children, all but myself and one of my sisters have had children out of wedlock.

On with my story:

When I was 18, I decided I should start going to the OB/GYN for pap smears (that and I had a boyfriend and wanted protection).

Anyway, a friend of mine was in the same boat, so we made appointments on the sly for the same day so we could go together and tell our parents that we were going shopping or some other such lie… (my parents would have too many questions and I didn’t want to deal with it).

A week or so before my appointment, my friend and I had been out and about and when we came back to my house, we were greeted by my mother standing in the doorway with such a look on her face, I knew I was in big trouble, but I couldn’t figure out why. As we got to the door, my mother says in a low, frightening voice: “I want to speak with you in the basement”.

This freaked me out to no end!

We get down to the basement (where we have concrete floors and a drain in the middle of the floor where I figured she could gut me and no one would know, except my friend who is now up in my room waiting for me) and my mother asks me “Are you pregnant?”

I burst out laughing at this, which shocked the heck out of my mother, and said “Where’d you get a ridiculous idea like that?”

She proceeds to tell me that she got a call from my Dr. (she knew the doctor and what kind he was) and assumed from that, that I was pregnant.

I laughed and explained that since I was now 18, I now needed to go in for pap smears, etc. They were just calling to tell me our appointment hours had changed.

My mother was ALWAYS paranoid about me going out and getting into trouble. Thing was, I never got into any real trouble when I was a kid. I drank and smoked, but never got caught at it, didn’t do drugs, and couldn’t get a date to save my life (so no danger of me becoming a daddy). Most of my friend’s did get busted, but I managed to avoid it.

One Friday night I tell my mom that I’m going over to a friend’s house who’s having a party. Mind you, I rarely went out, so my mother should have been GLAD that I was actually going out and socializing. Still, she asked me, “There’s not going to be any drinking or wild women or anything like that over there is there?” I was totally stunned that she would ask me such a thing, so I replied with, “No, but if there was, do you think I’d be dumb enough to tell you about it?”

She didn’t have an answer to that and never asked me that question again. :smiley:

Mine isn’t as good as these, either.

My high school had something known as “skip calls.” Basically, if you were absent, an automatic phone call would be called saying something along the lines of “Your son/daughter was marked absent today.” They were usually around dinner time, and since my family always lets the answering machine pick them up, we’d listen to them together as a family.

My senior year (I only went there for my last 2 years) I started getting a spate of them. Except I wasn’t skipping. It was hard convincing my parents of that, because some of the reasons why I got them sounded rather flimsy. They included:
-I came in late (I went to lunch with a friend, and she didn’t realize that, unlike her, I had a class right after lunch) and my teacher forgot to mark me from absent to tardy.
-I sat in a different seat in English. Since my assigned seat was empty (even though I spoke aloud several times during that period), my teacher marked me absent.

This happend about 5 more times that semester. Since it was the last semester of high school, I’m sure they thought I was skipping, but I wasn’t! I was a parent’s wet dream as far as behavior in school went. We did laugh together when the skip call came, on the “unofficial” senior skip day (the “offical” skip day was our senior class party).

When I was nine or ten years old my friend Robby and I made an astounding discovery: condoms make really great water balloons! We’d fill one with water and toss it back and forth, seeing who’d drop it first or have it burst on them. We’d swiped them from his older sister who was a social worker of some kind and had a fishbowl full.

Anyway, doing laundry my poor mom found some of the wrappers in my pocket.

Now, my folks have always been really progressive about sex – just so long as they don’t have to have any awkward conversations about it. So this discovery led to a lot of clumsy sidelong attempts to dscover what I was up to.

“So, are there any girls you like at school?”

“Not really”

“What do you do everyday after class”

“Play”

“With anybody I know?”

“Just Robby and Greg”

((Cough!!))

“You okay mom?”

“Just swallowed wrong…”

Eventually the mothers sussed out what we’d been up to by the popped rubber shards all over the yard and had a pretty good laugh.

The closest thing I’ve ever come to a lecture with my parents is the time my mom and I had a screaming fight in the middle of the driveway over my driving skills. My parents know I don’t do anything. But my grandmother is one of the most gullible people ever to exist.

Was joking around with my mom at one of those extended family get-togethers about my mythical 25 year old drug-dealing boyfriend. (running joke between us) My grandmother turns to my mom, her eyes WIDE. “Does he really deal drugs?”

Never mind that I’ve never been on a date in my life and my parents certainly wouldn’t knowingly let me date a guy 8 years older than me. That didn’t stick at all, just the drug-dealing bit.
jessica

Parental suspicion - welcome to my world. I suppose my parents have a right to be concered (even thought I’m a good kid - honor roll, responsible, pretty self sufficient). Sometimes I think they go a bit too far. When I was in 4th grade, my dad found a bottle of white out on my desk and accused me of sniffing it. I, being only 9 at the time and not understanding what he meant, said “Yes I smelled it once, but it was nasty.” Today, they are stricter than ever. I am not allowed to have much privacy. My parents read all of my mail, all of my email, and have required me to give them the password to my AIM account so they can periodically check to see who my friends are and such. I am not allowed to go out with my friends on weekends, because they cannot moniter who I am hanging out with. I am allowed to go to people’s houses ONLY on the weekend (and after they call the parents to make sure they will be home and there will be NO BOYS at the house), and I must be home by 7:00pm or they will be “holy hell to pay”, as my Dad says. Dating…forget it. Usually that is not a problem because no one asks me out, but it still is a pain. Once, while on vacation, I met a nice boy who shared some of my intrests. We had no desire to “hook up”, but we did spend a lot of time together as there were no others our age at the resort. My dad paid my brother 10$ an hour to make sure that we did not come closer than 1 foot to each other. Towords the end of the vacation, he simply forbade me to associate with him and followed me himself. They also moniter my phone calls, and screen them. If a guy from one of my classes calls for a homework assignment, then I am interrogated for days on end. Oh well. I should quit my complaining though because they do put a roof over my head, give me meals, and will pay for my college education. Still…it gets just a tad annoying at times.

Two more years…

My folks found a bunch of Yankee Candles, some incense, a box of matches and a cigarette lighter in my bedroom.

Obviously, if I own incense and a lighter, I must smoke pot.

:rolleyes:

So they confiscated the lighter. Because everyone knows that a pothead who doesn’t have a 99¢ lighter will be completely unable to smoke pot ever again, because they are so very hard to come by.

[hijack]
Wow.

There’s slight over-protectiveness and then there’s complete paranoia. Unless you’ve given them legitimate reasons to spy on you, that seems pretty extreme. Granted, it is debatable how much control parents should have over their teenagers’ lives (I’m assuming you’re 15-16), but for crying out loud…

A fair warning: if your parents act this way now, don’t take it for granted that it will necessarily let up after you leave. If they’re paying for your tuition, there’s a good chance they’ll place conditions on it, or at least attempt to. (I’ve seen this happen with more than one of my friends in varying degrees.) Expected gambit: “Why should we spend all that money to send you away when you can live at home?” (AKA “If you want go there, you’ll have to pay for it.”)

Good luck.
[/hijack]

As for my own parents, they’ve never been suspicious at all, as far as I can tell. Just annoying at times.

Wait! There was the one time I was watching that stupid Transformers cartoon and dad walked in when the evil robot was hissing. He turned it off, saying it sounded like Satan and that I shouldn’t be watching that kind of thing. :rolleyes:

Yea, I was completely dumbfounded, too.

I’ll second mrblue- wow. Kbean, that sounds a little over the top. Are you the oldest? Or oldest daughter? If your parents are so protective, how do they expect you to be prepared for college?

Fixed a little coding - CF

[Edited by Coldfire on 11-26-2001 at 06:57 PM]

Kbean- that’s not overprotective, that’s borderline abusive. Seriously, I’d talk to someone about that, even if it’s not “abusive” it surely is unhealthy. How will you be even remotely able to handle college or the world beyond?

Geez. Maybe we can organize a jailbreak dopefest, sort of like a potluck, except everyone brings a certain digging tool to bust ya out. :slight_smile:

LC

You know, it’s always my mom. Ask my brother.

Anyway, right before I graduated from college I wrote a story for one of my English classes, and mentioned to her that I was pleased I’d gotten an A on it. So she begged me to let her read it. I don’t usually because when I was younger she used to give my stories to random people to read and it bothered me- but she seemed to really want to, so I finally said ok. This is the story http://www.geocities.com/theevilwriter/jude.html , by the way.

She reads it, hands it back and says. " It’s very good. But I have one question." I ask her what that is, expecting to be something about the plot. " Are you sleeping with Brandon?" she asks, refering to my best friend, whom I’ve never seriously kissed, much less had sex with. For some reason, it’s the last story I’ve given her…