Fun with Nigerian Email Scammers, Part I

After getting 15-20 Nigerian 419 emails every day, I decided to have a little fun with one of them. I will put in each post the scammer’s email, and then my reply. Feel free to suggest anything you’d like me to put in my emails.

*Benjamin Maxwell
Cote d’Ivoire Abidjan
Email: benmax@jumpy.it
Dear ,

Perhaps this would go down as the most difficult letter I will ever attempt
to right in my life. I am not sure that it will adequately conveys the remorse
I feel at this moment how do I begin our story? How do I tell this story
without shedding tears, Tears of sorrow Oh God I think you for giving me
this opportunity to air our view and to share this story with some one.
My name is Benjamin Maxwell , I am 25 years, I am the only son of Late Chief
Egbeku J.

Maxwell who was a contractor with the government of Sierra Leone in west
Africa before he died after few days in the hospital and my mother died
on breat cancer after she has delivered me in the year 1986. The doctor
said his death was as a result of poison.

Please do not negalate my proposal as we have not meet before but I believed
that by the special grace of God, we will soon meet each order. I believed
that you are a reputable person and I feel You can help me over this transaction.By
the grace I have gone to the security company and confirmed the deposit with the company.

My father, Chief Egbeku Maxwell who was a contractor with the government
of Sierra Leone in west Africa, when he was alive, he had a deposit with
a trust security company in Cote d’ivoire the total sum of $5.5 (Five million
five hundred thousand united states dollars)The money is kept in trunk box
and was registered as family valuables, thus there is nobody that
knows that it is money that is in the box.Since the death of my father,

I am looking for somebody that is capable and realiable, willing to take
me as his/her son to assist me and claim the trunk box out of the security
company. I need a trust worthy and experience person that will help me to
invest the funds in profitable business since I have no knowledge of business
and investment. You will assist me come to your country and assist me well
to buy a house where I will live and definitely, you will plan about how
I will continue
my education in your country.For offering me assistance, I have decided
to give up 20% of the total money in the box and plus 5% to cover any expenses
you incurred.The deposit certificate is here with me.

Any informartions needed, i will send it to you.You should respond and add
with your telephone and fax number as I have informed the security company
that my father’s foriegn partner will soon contact them for the procedure
of claiming the box.Thanks for your anticipated co-operation.

Yours sincerely,
Benjamin Maxwell*


**Dear Mr. Maxwell,

I’m sorry about your story. Sure, I’ll help. I just need a little more
information, first. Please reply promptly.**

*Dear Sir,

I thank you very much for your concern towards my problem and I will like
you to open up your heart to assist me and God of all orphans will bless
you. This is a deposit which my late father made with the security company
here in Cote d’ivoire one trunk box contain 5,5 million us dollars and non
of the officials of the security company does not know the real content
because my late father declared the contents as family valuables for security
reasons.

I will like you to open up your heart to accept me and also take me as your
son as I have lost my parents and nobody will take care of me if I lost
this opportunity.The contact of the security company will given to you immediately
I receive your good response and I am sure that this mail will meet you
in good health. Send me your telephone and fax number and you complete profile
so I will submit it to the security company. I am now in the refugue camp
because the town is very hot.It is only you that I made up my mind to choose
to be my father and my guidian over this matter but please you should promise
me that you will keep this matter confidential.All the necessary documents
for the deposit is here with me.Send me your tel/fax numbers immediately
and I will submit it to the company for more informations.I am very grateful
to hear from you and let us commit this matter into the hands of God because
with permit, we are doing nothing and I put my hope and in the lord.I am
here doing nothing waiting when my only hope will move out of this country.I
will not advice you to come here because the company will like you to travel
down here, the country has a political crisis and you should arrange with
them how the will deliver the box to you but do not tell them the real contents,
it was registered and deposit as family valuables for export.

Dear Sir, this need urgency because the country is on fire now, I will like
you to respond this mail immediately because I will not have rest of mind
until this box which is my only hope in life move out of this country to
a better place.

I am sending you all informations concerning my family, my parents photo,
my onwn photo, my international passport etc.

Thanks and pray for my safety in this country,

Yours sincerely,
Benjamin Maxwell.*
**Mr. Maxwell,

Thanks for your prompt reply. I am currently having my lawyer look over the documents you’ve sent, and so far, he can see no reason why this is not a legitimate cry for assistance. Unfortunately, his hemmorhoids are flaring up again, so he might need a little more time than usual. Please pray that the Lord blesses his sphincter. I’m a bit curious, however: you stated that you are 25 years of age, yet you mentioned that your mother died right after you were born in 1986. Wouldn’t your year of birth then be 1979? I’m sure you have a good reason for this misunderstanding; and I know you’ll clear it up in your next correspondence.

I hope you are well at the refugee camp you are currently living in. Are you getting enough food and sleep? I was not aware that refugee camps in Sierra-Leone provide Internet access. Are the gymnasium facilities up to par?

Until my lawyer finishes his review of your documents (his anal fistulae have mercy on him), he has advised me not to provide my phone and fax numbers as I have just recently received them, and they are confidential and may not be used until they are certified and cleared by the United States Department of Procrastination. The Dept. of Procrastination estimates that these numbers will be available for use by the end of this month, or after Bill Murray finally catches the gopher.

In the meantime, I ask that you kindly provide a Certificate of Deposit for this account. This should be of no difficulty for a man of such strong moral conviction such as yourself. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

To ensure the safety of my diamond and oil interests in South Africa and Saudi Arabia, I use a fictitious name for my email correspondence. I trust your word, so you may address me by my real name, Jafargas K. Fitzgerald III.

Sincerely,

J. K. Fitzgerald III**

Ooooh goody goody goody!
I love this!
Can’t wait until the next installment!

I doff my hat to you, good sir! doffs Excellently done!

Hey, you might like to check out www.419eater.com

Instead of just having fun with them, these guys have a system for getting the scammers to send them money. :slight_smile:

I came into this thread to post that link. I laughed until I cried. The pics are off-the-charts funny.

While you’re waiting for the next installment of the Maxwell-Fitzgerald saga, you can enjoy the history of Mangetout’s exchange with Mr. Austin Wemba.

When we last left our hero, Mr. Benjamin Maxwell, he had been asked to clarify why he said he was 25 years old, yet born in 1986. I had also asked him to send me a Certificate of Deposit on the account in question. I let him hang for a few days, and he started getting very nervous. The good stuff is at the bottom. Read on…

*Dear Sir,

I thank you for your mail and also I am so glad to received your mail.Sir,
you should try to understand me well if I did any mistake on my mail, bear
in mind that we are in the war zone and my brain is not in other.I am almost
19 years now, it is the cyber cafe lady who helped me to type the message
in the refuguee champ did the mistake, not always they allowed us to type
by our hands because the cost of the cyber is very cheap, if I have money,
I will be going to a better cyber to send your mails but this mail, I used
my hand to type it. I am not in my country, I am now in the country of cote
d’ivoire due to this deposit which my late father made in the vsecurity
company.I suposed to be in the hotel but because of this political crisis
in this country makes me to stay in the refuguees champ because the UN soliders
is guiding the camp.

There is no cyber cafe inside the camp but opposite the camp, there is on
upstair their, there is a cyber cafe , there I sending my mails from. Sir,
you should understand that because of my difficulty situation here, I nearly
expose my secrect to people because I have gone to the company and they
are requesting the foriegn partner of my father because my father deposited
the box on behalf of his foriegn partner for export.Now I have nothing left
with me to eat, take care of myself even pay for the cyber cost.

Sir, the way you talk to me, I have decieded to put my trust and my mind
on you because I prayed to God to direct me to the person who will take
me as his son and take care of this deposit.Sir I will like you to understand
my situation.I am only in this country due to the deposit which my father
made here, I can not sleep outside because the only place to stay is in
the refuguees camp for security reason.I am not suposed to stay in the camp
but for my private security and I heard that on the 15th of december, the
boarder and air port oth sea port will be closed.The liberia refugueees
has almost pushed to America, Norway and Europe but the sierra Leonenia
here, the UN programme rejected them.
Please Sir, I will like you to keep this matter confidential because I dont
want to fall victim.The deposit and agreement documents is here in my ecolac
box and I will send it later in the day because I dont want to expose it.I
attached you my late parents photos for your view.Sir I will like you to
put that trust in this matter because without trust and understanding, how
can we make it.My bible tells me that two can not work together else they
understand and agreed themselves.I am lacking financial most for feeding
and other expenses.I will send you the documents later in the day because
the cyber cafe, there is a lot of stusents using the internet for chating.
I will like you to reach the security company for them to tell you the procedure
of getting the box out of the company. The box was registered as family
valuables for export.

Sir, I am waiting to hear from you and extend my greetings to your family
and also the lawyer.I fear not because the almighty is with me and if it
is not God, I would be in the grave because of my father’s wealth, I will
still tell you about my life story.My uncle are wicked and now were is my
father’s properties both houses in freetown and other countries? please
sir, try to protect my interest both my life.

Thanks sir.

Yours son,

Benjamin Maxwell


Dear Sir,

As I said In the morning because" of many people in the cyber cafe center,
just now there is chance to scan the certificate.I am waiting for your response
as soon as you received this mail.

God bless you.

Yours sincerely,
Benjamin Maxwell.


This is the deposit agreements attached.

Benjamin Maxwell.


Dear Sir,

I have sent those documents yesterday and I am looking forward to hear your
conclusion with the lawyer.I am clear and ok that is reason why I openly
up myself because I am in distress in this country.
I wait your response.

Yours Sincerely,
Benjamin.


Dear Sir,

I am wondering why I have not heard from you, i your lawyer said that you
should not help me again, kindly send me an email so I will immediately
look for another person because this country have a political problem with
france. I will like to have your mail today so I ill know m possition.
Thanks,

Benjamin.


Dear Sir,
I am worried because I have not heard from you since I sent you all the
documents which you requireds from me, what is happening? I will like to
hear from you so I will know your possition.

Waiting for your response.

God bless you.

Yours sincerely,
Benjamin.*
**Would you please have some patience, Mr. Maxwell? Last weekend was a
holiday here in the U.S., and I was enjoying it with my family. This is not
some quick, simple transaction: we’re dealing with out-of-country accounts
and millions of dollars. If you want help, don’t be pushy.

J.K. Fitzgerald**


*Dear sir,
Thank you for your mail. you should try to understand that my situation
in this country is so bad indeed.I will appreciate if you can contact the
security company were my late father deposited the box which contain the
raw cash for the further procedure on how to claim the trunk box out of
their custody.Now there is problem in this country and I know that you can
not be able to travel down here, I would like you to contact the security
company tell them to ship the box to your country with immediate effect
because last I visited the company, the director told me that their diplomats
is travellling to europe with some of their customers consignments because
the situation in the country.
It will be good when they arrive then you meet them and collect the box,
this will not take time because if we still delaying, compare my condition
in this country, no mother, father or sister even brother who will help
me, I am feeding by the special grace of God.As I told you last time that
I need some money to take treatment in the hospital because the united nation
hospital which we are attending before, this country because of their problem
with french country, they stoped attendind or given us good treatments,
so I want this transaction to end soonest so I will move out of this country
and join you in the united states.
Contact the company imlmediately.

TRANS WORLD DIPLOMATIC COMPANY
ABIDJAN COTE D’IVOIRE
TEL.0022507316915
FAX.0022524395805
EMAIL. tranworld@africamail.com
MR BRAMA TRAORE
OPERATION DIRECTOR.

Please you should immediately contact them and tell them that you want them
to ship the box to you and please do not let them to know that it was money
inside the trunk box for the security reasons.
I will wait to hear from you immediately you contact them.
I am also happy that I have send all the documents which they may require
from you.
Extend my greetings to your family.

Sir,god bless you.

Yours son,
Benjamin.*
**Mr. Maxwell,

My lawyer called me last night, and between bouts of explosive diarrhea, informed me that he will need to verify the authenticity of the documents you sent. A new process called Secure Slytherin Verification Processing is available to verify the documents, and it does so in only a few minutes. The process is a bit expensive, however, and requires a total cost of US$75.00. Since we’re friends and I’m doing you a special favor, you shouldn’t have problems sending this money. Take it from your Cyber Cafe budget. You spend too much time there, anyway – you need to cut yourself back from the 'Net, bud.

Anyway, please get in touch with me so we may discuss how you plan to transfer $75.00 for this process. Once complete, I will contact Mr. Traore at TransWorld Diplomatic Company and have the box transferred by the end of the week.

I eagerly await your reply.

Mr. J.K. Fitzgerald**