Funniest "M*A*S*H" scene or episode

[notfrommensa]

Frank Burns:

Its nice to be nice to the nice.

I also like the scene where Potter has taken some tranquilizers to sleep on a steamy night, and Margaret has got a bad case of butt rash and she has to get Potter to OK a shipment of ointment. Klinger is working on the PA system, Potter is half-asleep and Potter starts talking about Margaret’s butt rash over the PA system where the whole camp can hear it.

Heres the scene, thanks to IMDB

Potter: [Klinger fixes the P.A. system which is unknowingly in the ‘on’ position] Who’s sick?
“Hot Lips”: Nobody’s sick, sir, I have a little rash.
Potter: [Half asleep] I have two grandchildren myself.
“Hot Lips”: Sir, please try to understand, it’s Margaret. I have a bad case of prickly heat. A severe irritation on my gluteus maximus.
Potter: Oh, I get it. A bad case of keister itch.
“Hot Lips”: Well you could call it that, sir.
Potter: I sure gotta sympathize with you on that one. Ain’t nothing more bothersome than a case of the ol’ fanny fungus. With all this heat, that cute little caboose of yours must be red as a beet.
“Hot Lips”: Oh, really, sir, I’d rather not talk about it.
Potter: I don’t know how bad off your wazoo is, but I’ll bet it don’t come close to the rump rots I had during the big war.
“Hot Lips”: Sir, send the chopper…
Potter: We were pinned down near Chantilly, and I was stuck for a whole damn night in a wet fox hole. I’ll never forget it.
[The entire camp bursts out laughing at the conversation]
Potter: No matter how many times you change your skivvies, the fire on the ol’ back porch just keeps burning. Must be hell for you to trying to sit or sleep…
“Hot Lips”: Wait a minute…Is this stupid P.A. on?! Klinger, you idiot!
Klinger: Major, wait! Oh no, please don’t. It took me three hours to fix that–
[Smash!]
Klinger: [Camp continues laughing]

[lisacurl]

@Ceejaytee

It’s freezing out and has been for some time. Henry goes into his office to discover his desk top lying on the floor, since someone cut off the legs to use as firewood. Radar points out how cold it’s been, and Henry replies: “I know, but to cut off a man’s legs, and steal his drawers.”

The delivery kills me every time.

That episode is one of the top funniest ever for me. Their supply lines have been cut, and they keep bundling more and more personnel together in the tents to conserve fuel. It finally ends with the entire male cast in the Swamp, including Burns in a hammock, suspiciously without a blanket. Trapper and Hawkeye realize Frank’s feet are unnaturally warm and begin to grapple with him, and the one-liners start…

Klinger: They are hunting socks, I have a bra like that!
Father Mulcahy: Maybe I’ll just sleep in the nurses’ tent… what am I saying?!?
Col. Blake returns from the latrine, “What’s going on?!”
Radar: “They’re hunting socks, sir!”
Col. Blake: “At this hour?!”

It’s the “at this hour?!” that puts me on the floor.

[Monkey_Chews]

@notfrommensa

Ain’t nothing more bothersome than a case of the ol’ fanny fungus.

Fanny fungus? Oh boy does this have a different connotation when you’re sitting here reading it in Australia. I nearly just fell off my chair.

[John_DiFool]

The one which slays me is Klinger in a rubber suit, during a heat wave. Potter even tells him that he can earn his Section 8 if he stays in the thing for like 3 days straight. With only a few hours to go, Klinger about does go mad, takes off the suit, and jumps into a portable bathtub which just so happens to be occupied by Hot Lips, who of course screams bloody murder.

[Johnny_L.A]

@Monkey_Chews

Fanny fungus? Oh boy does this have a different connotation when you’re sitting here reading it in Australia. I nearly just fell off my chair.

Maybe she has ointment in her fanny pack.

[Annie-Xmas]

In another practical joke episode, Margaret came in while Hawkeye and BJ were in the shower and took their clothes.

BJ: So how are we going to get back to our tenant while naked?
Hawkeye: With grace and dignity.
BJ: With heads held high and hands held low.

That line always cracks me up.

[IvoryTowerDenizen]

@Enright3

Whiplash Whang, and the poker game; for that matter, pretty much any episode with Col. Flagg

“The wind just broke his leg”

[Skywatcher]

Any bit with Henry when Cowboy is trying to blow him up.

(Blake has just gone to bed when a jeep can be heard starting up. There’s no one behind the wheel of the jeep as it drives straight into Henry’s tent. Radar comes running out in his pajamas when he hears the crash.)

Radar- Colonel!

(A crowd gathers as Blake emerges from the wreckage of his tent)

Henry- Jeep, through my tent.

Mulcahy- What did he say?

Henry- Jeep, tent, through.

Radar- A jeep must have rolled loose and broke through his tent!

Mulcahy- He might have been killed!

(Radar helps Blake to his feet)

Radar- Come on, sir, I’ll fix you up. Come on, sir.

Henry- Jeep, tent, crash, kill.

Radar- Jeep, crash, kill. Yes sir.

Henry- Jeep.

Radar- Jeep.

Henry- Tent, through, kiill.

Radar- Through kill.

Henry- Jeep crash tent.

Radar-Tent.

Henry- Boom!

(Later in the Swamp)

Henry- What about tonight where were you tonight when that jeep went through my quarters?

Trapper- When the want went through your where?

Hawkeye- He was right here.

Henry- Oh yeah? And just where is here?

Hawkeye- Here is where we are!

Henry- Oh this here here?

Trapper- Henry, are you all right?

Henry- All right, tent smashed.

Hawkeye- You can sleep here tonight.

Henry- Jeep, tent, boom!

Hawkeye- Come over here and lie down.

(Still dazed, Henry walks out mumbling to himself.)

Trapper- Does Henry have an enemy?

Hawkeye- Doesn’t sound like the work of a friend; I think we better keep an eye on him.

Trapper- Now?

Hawkeye- I don’t think he’s got a later! Come on!

(They leave the swamp to go find Henry.)

Hawkeye- Why don’t you go check in the office?

Trapper- Right.

(Trapper goes to Henry’s office while Hawkeye continues to walk through the compound. There is a loud explosion and Hawkeye is knocked off his feet. Another explosion and the walls of the latrine fall down. Radar and Trapper come running. Henry stands in the middle of the debris with a toilet seat around his neck, clearly in shock, whilst toilet paper floats down around him.)

Hawkeye- I found him.

Henry- Boom!

[Khadaji]

I have a friend who (mis)quotes that scene whenever something bad happens. “Jeep. Tent. Boom.”

[Mona_Lisa_Simpson]

Since Tuttle (Season 1, ep 15) has been mentioned, I get to mention my other favourite.
“The General Flipped at Dawn” (season 3, ep 1)

Whats not to like. Henry Morgan, as General Bartford Steele, and McLean Stevenson as Henry Blake?

“But first; a number…!”

That line used to crack me and my housemates up. Infact if things got to serious, one of us would break the tension by pipping up out “But first; a number.”

[MPB_in_Salt_Lake]

@Juliefoolie

Since Tuttle (Season 1, ep 15) has been mentioned, I get to mention my other favourite.
“The General Flipped at Dawn” (season 3, ep 1)

Whats not to like. Henry Morgan, as General Bartford Steele, and McLean Stevenson as Henry Blake?

“But first; a number…!”

That line used to crack me and my housemates up. Infact if things got to serious, one of us would break the tension by pipping up out “But first; a number.”

"It’s a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud…

[kenobi_65]

@Prelude_to_Fascination

Potter’s dictating a letter to Quartermaster Corps, and says, “We requested rectal thermometers, and you send us spark plugs! Both useful articles, but hardly interchangeable!”

Oh, yes! One of my all-time favorites!

[Stratocaster]

@Baraqiyal

Frank requires some minor medical procedure, but doesn’t relish the idea of Hawkeye or Trapper cutting him open. Hotlips is trying to comfort him, assuring him that they’re “not animals”. As they enter the Swamp, Frank whimpers as he sees Hawkeye and Trapper dressed in gorilla suits. After listening intently to Frank describe his symptoms, Hawkeye announces that he has to “consult with his colleague”, which involves a lot of grunting, jumping up and down, and chest beating. Frank looks miserable and defeated the whole time.

I don’t know when I’ve ever laughed so hard.

I love that scene! The line that especially had me roaring came after either Frank or Margaret mentioned that the condition Frank needed their help on he had been suffering with for some time. Hawkeye pauses a beat, looks at Trapper, and with perfect deadpan delivery says, “Why do people always wait so long before they see their gorilla?”

[Elendil_s_Heir]

@Annie-Xmas

…A really funny & poignant one was when Sidney Freeman came to the MAS*H depressed over a patient’s suicide. There is a secret practical jokester on the loose, who lets Freeman join in the last prank.

Best lines:

Sidney: When you lost one, you’ve just lost a body. When I lost one, I’ve lost a mind.
Father McCauhey: When I’ve lost on, I’ve lost a souil.

Bumping this thread to note, with regret, the death of the actor who played Dr. Freedman: http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/23/showbiz/allan-arbus-obituary/index.html?hpt=hp_c4

[janis_and_c0]

" Ladies & Gentlemen, Take my Advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice. "

RIP Sidney.

[Llama_Llogophile]

Dr. Freedman was one of my favorite recurring characters. I always remembered him quietly standing up to Col. Flagg, who was challenging him for not signing a loyalty oath. He said something like, “If I really was a communist spy, do you think I’d hesitate for one second to sign a loyalty oath?”

[Ranger_Jeff]

I thought the funniest scene was from the movie. The farewell dinner, or should I say the last supper, for Painless, the best equipped dentist in the Far East command, owner and operator of The Pride Of Hamtramck, MI. No lines were necessary, just the way they were seated at the table.

[ThelmaLou]

Ditto ANY appearance of Col. Flagg. He was one of the best, most absurd recurring characters. “I am like the wind!”

When Frank runs away then comes back and tearfully reports, “I fell down. A dog bit my duffle bag.”

Maybe my favorite line in the whole series-
Hawkeye: “An edible complex is when a guy likes his mom’s cooking better than eating out.”

ETA. I also loved Sidney Friedman. The actor (of blessed memory) had been married to photographer Diane Arbus.

[Mahaloth]

@Ranger_Jeff

I thought the funniest scene was from the movie. The farewell dinner, or should I say the last supper, for Painless, the best equipped dentist in the Far East command, owner and operator of The Pride Of Hamtramck, MI. No lines were necessary, just the way they were seated at the table.

I also love that one of them tells him(I’ll paraphrase), “Just so you know, you’re throwing away your entire education.” Great line to say to a guy about to kill himself.

[Wargamer]

I have to second the shooting of the jeep scene. I thought I would die of oxygen deprivation I was laughing so hard.

One of the early ones with Col. Potter. Frank had banned gambling after Henry had left and he was temporary CO. Frank was haranging all the players talking about how gambling was bad for morale and how, “In the immortal words of Napoleon…” blah blah blah. Meanwhile, everyone is ignoring him, and someone takes a vicious bad beat to a 6 high straight. (Can’t remember who - Klinger I think was one of the players.)

Cut to the end of the episode, and Frank has dragged Potter to the Swamp and protests that the poker game is going on in violation of his orders. The same players are playing, and the loser from the earlier scene makes a comment about how he smells a straight (which with Klinger’s nose makes me think he was the loser). Anyway, the winner lays down the hand “Two-Three-Four-Five-Two.” Much groaning goes on and Potter seems to explode:

“You mean you can win a pot like that with a pair of twos?? Gentlemen, in the immortal words of Napoleon, ‘Deal me in!’”