Cervaise’s “The Telemarketer Speaks. I Respond” thread is an all-time classic.
WEIRDDAVE’S post in response to a woman poster who said she thought osama was “hot” (this about a week after 9/11)
Excerpt from Kabul Nights by Aziz al-Hazzim, @2001, Beeline/Afghanistan Press, P 37. All rights reserved.
" Osama entered the candle-lit bunker quietly, leaning his Ak-74 against the wall as he looked at the recumbant form lying passively on the bed. Her dark eyes bored into his from beneith her veil, enflaming his senses like the fires from a thousand World Trade Centers. Her mighty breasts heaved with passion beneith the black chador she wore. Daringly, she extended her right foot, giving the Islamic stud a glimpse of her bare ankle. The sight of 2 inches of bare flesh caused Osama’s heart to beat like the thunder of a thousand AK-47s, pounding away in a glorious Jihad against the infidels of the west. Languidly, she sat up, coyly whispering in a husky voice " Take me like you’re going to take the Great Satan." His engorged member strained against the front of his robe, and a lewd smile escaped the confines of his dark beard. " My followers are reading my Scud missiles for attack," he purred, " But right now I’m going to show you how I use a ‘Stud’ missile." Passionately, he threw himself onto the bed and into her arms…"
I love the line about “2 inches of flesh”
I am completely cracked up- There was a post in the thread about enterprise episodes theat makes me laugh so hard I want to cry- I am off to look it up 
The classic one of " An Open Letter to My Pets" continously slays me.
The "Possible Onion Headlines " following 9/11 was simply stellar.
There was one, that I can’t remember, about somebody with a blowhorn that started a revolution of pure silliness.
I’m not sure where it is, but I rewmember reading a post where the top line was
“FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS SHAVE THEY’R ASS HAIR”
Or something along those lines.
Friggin hilarious
Lieus deer hunting story. I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard or wanted to protect Bambi more.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=150992&highlight=deer
Oxymoron’s recent post of
“But it did prove conclusively to me that despite Nabisco’s best advertising efforts, not everything is better if it fits on a Ritz.”
Which may not sound funny at first, but it will when you read the title of this thread.
I really should post here more often.
I don’t remember who wrote it but there was one in the BBQ Pit a while back titled “You people with two eyes just shut up!” I just about blew hot coffee out my nose reading that one.
How about the gashlycrmb dopers that was great
The cat-dropping physics thread is one of my favourites.
WARNING: POOEY
There was one about the best way to wipe. Yes, THAT. One guy responded with something along the lines of “I have a really hairy ass. When I go, I’m faced with a situation that can only be compared to scraping peanut butter out of carpet.” For some reason, I’m still laughing over that years later.
Oh, and hey! No one’s linked to Wally yet?
jarbabyj’s fart thread will keep you laughing/crying for a while.
What was the thread…? Someone wrote about waking up to a hand in their face and after a few freaking out moments figures out that it’s their own hand. Several more folks added their own adventures. I laughed my ass off, tears streaming down my face. Then my sister called and I had to read her a few of my favorites from the thread. 'Had trouble reading them to her as 24 hours later they were just as funny.
As a new addition, Paytons ‘Spider in the pants’ post had my hubby giving me funny looks and asking if I was okay. (Fortunately, I’d been to the bathroom shortly before reading it.)
I find myself unable to choose between these three Pit rants by Sauron:
At least kiss me if you’re going to knead my Danish like that
or
I met the Lowest Common Denominator at Winn-Dixie!
or
I stood next to the Emperor of the World at McDonald’s!
Solomon himself would declare this choice a real pickle.
And I always get a hoot out of The Infamous Goat Cannon thread
There’s something about a hircine howitzer that just has me howling.
Try this greatly underestimated post: Dateline 2007: STA_D _0 THE _UCK__G R_GHT! What does it mean?
My personal favorite: I Am Going To Blow People Mind’s At My Funeral
Gotcha ya!
**Welby’s{/b] SECURITY ALERT - Squirrels on the Move
Thanks, Interrobang!?! I’d missed these. I gotta spend more time in the Pit.
I want to be like Sauron, when I grow up. If I have to grow up.
I may be losing that battle, but the war ain’t over, yet.