Funniest way you've been knocked out

In My Humble Opinion
41

Running track, grade 8, we’re doing laps around the football/soccer field. For whatever reason, the coach called my name. I turned my head to look at him just as I run straight into a set of goalposts I didn’t realize I was running straight towards. Next thing I know I’m looking up at the crowd gathered around me, a nice big goose egg on my forehead and missing half a tooth (which apparently I swallowed.) Not so much stupid as comically bad timing. In my defense I was pretty tired from the laps we’d run up to that point, so my mind was just focused on doggedly keeping pace, and not on the approach of large metal objects.

Then there was a girlfriend of mine a few years after that. A bunch of us were gathered for a baseball game on Center Island. It was a nice bright sunny day, and she was playing outfield when the batter struck a pop fly. Back, back it went, and she was following it, mitt in hand, facing the sun … well, you can guess what happened. She got a nice shiner for that one.

42

When I was about 5 my dad was stationed in Japan with the Air Force. When it came time to rotate stateside, our family was transported on a Navy ship.

One day during the journey, I rolled off of the top bunk bed in our cabin onto the steel floor and knocked myself out. I had been sucking on a “jawbreaker” candy at the time, and my parents thought I had really broken my jaw.

43

At college, the jazz band played during basketball games, sitting on the last section of bleachers. We’d set up by some of us sitting on the top row and the rest just pulling out the bottom row and sitting there. This left 5 rows still accordioned and flat, a straight drop of about 15 feet. So there we were, arguing about what music to play, when one of the metal music stands drops directly on my head. When I come to, the band director is snapping his fingers in front of my face and complaining about me drooling on the snare drum.

44

Oh, martial arts! I’d forgotten about that one. Granted I didn’t end up totally KOed, I just had my bell rung and ended up sitting on the floor drooling for a few minutes.

I was sparring with a guy in my class. He’s pretty good, but if you now how he fights you can predict a particular combo he used to do. First a roundhouse kick, then he’d follow up with a spinning backfist (for you non-martial arts people, think of being bitch-slapped after your opponent spins 360 to get some momentum). So I was waiting for it. I knew it was coming eventually, he always threw that combo…

There was the roudhouse! Ha! I ducked so he’s backfist would sail over my head! That’ll show him! Only, apparently he didn’t do the spinning backfist. He planted his feet and, with his back to me, threw an elbow strike aimed at my sternum. Only because I’d ducked down, my forehead was where my sternum would have been.

I was dazed and sitting on the floor, with my legs in front me, asking “Wha’ happen?” My classmates said there had been a loud “crack” sound like two coconuts bonking together, followed by an “Uh-oh” from Donny. I was done class for the day because I was too wobbly on my feet for the next few hours.

Apprently it was quite comical because as soon as he made contact with my head, we were both frozen in time for a second, in tableau.

45

I thought I didn’t have any stories, but I’ve just thought of one.

I ws maybe 9 or 10 years old. When it rained outside, we used to stay indoors in the gym, and the teacher used to make us run laps.

Well, I don’t entirely clearly remember what happened, but I was coming around the corner, and somehow my sneaker slipped. I flew through the air - I distinctly remember that part - and hit the wall.

There’s a bit of a blur then, and I woke up to my classmates around me. To this day I don’t know how I tripped, or how I managed to avoid hitting any of my classmates, or how I looked - they said my feet actually totally left the floor.

46

Ooo! you reminded me of another. Didn’t knock me out, though.

Was cleaning house one day, and i put the iron on the top shelf of the closet. No, it wasn’t balanced well. I proceeded to clean the botom of the closet, when WHAM! Suddenly the iron fell on my head.
To this day I’m grateful it didn’t hit me point first. As it was, it hardly hurt at all. :confused: Not even a sort of dull pain…nothing. So I put it back, safer, and went on.

Hours later my head started to hurt, and bad. By this time I had forgotten about the incident and literally thought “Why is my head hurting so badly? Ow!”
And it took me a few minutes to remember the damn iron.

47
  1. Third grade:

I was in the backyard, on the swing set. I was swinging hard enough to have a slight pause at the reverse course of travel. Tried to extend the pause, front legs of set pulled out, kept going back, woke up on the ground with the middle support bar ensconced on my forehead.

  1. Ninth grade:

Playing basketball indoors, due to a rainy day. As an opposing player attempted a court-long inbounds pass, I had the brilliant idea to try to jump up to block the shot. The ball connected squarely with my forehead. Woke up surrounded by interested faces.

48

got a couple actually.

first one when I was around 6 or 7. My brother and I were at the gradeschool after hours trying to get in to retrieve some homework I was supposed to do that night, but forgot to take home. Well, you had to run all around the school till you found a room the janitor was cleaning, bang on the window to get his attention, and he’d let you in and take you to your classroom to get your stuff. Well, I was running full tilt around the school and rounded a corner and that’s the last thing I remember. When I woke up, my brother was standing over me wondering if I was dead and I had a huge goose egg on my forehead. I looked up and saw that I had run full tilt into the very corner of a large window air conditioner.

Next one happened when I was about 11. I was riding my bike down the road and was trying to make long brake marks by slamming on my brakes and skidding down the street. Well, at about the time I hit my breaks, I hit a huge pothole I hadn’t seen. The bike and myself were both propelled forward and my head smacked into the handlebars with enough force to lay me over on the side of the road. Got a massive concussion and some retna damage from that one. Still have the ridge on my head going on 18 years later.

next one was only a few years ago. My wife, my mother in law and I were heading to town from MIL’s house way out in the sticks. She was on some water pills and had to use the restroom really badly, so we pulled into a neighbors driveway and tried to get someone to answer the door. No luck. So we pull out of the drive way and try to leave. Only one of their damn dogs is running back and forth in front of the vehicle and not letting us head down the road. I tell my wife to stop so I can step out of the backseat and throw a rock at the damn mutt, only she didn’t hear me say stop, or hear the door opening. But she did stop, and I opened the door to get out. And the following happened. My foot hit the ground, the dog hit the ditch, and my wife hit the gas. Since I was already on my way out of the car, the rapid accelleration just sucked me out of the car. I awoke in the middle of the dirt road to the sound of my wife crying from the car, my MIL wondering what was wrong, and my wife explaining that she had thought she had just killed me, leading MIL to turn around and wonder why the hell I wasn’t in the backseat anymore. With every bit of strength I could muster, I threw my arm up in the air and yelled, I"M OK ! ! ! I wasn’t, but I wanted her to stop worrying about me. I got up and found myself covered in roadrash (left and right shoulders, right calf, back, chest and left buttock), my shirt was half off, my had and glasses were gone, my shoe and sock from my right foot were gone from the tire pretty much pulling the off of my foot as it ran over it. I gathered up my stuff, limped to the car, and proceeded to use every single damn alcohol wipe in the first aid kit to clean the dirt off the roadrash. Proceeded to have headaches and pick gravel out of my body for the next 3 weeks. Not certain, but I believe I tore a rotator cuff in that little incident. I only wish someone would have been out in a field with a video camera to see what kind of tumbling sommersauld gravel dive I would have had to do to get all that roadrash and the missing clothing. I bet it was funny as hell to watch from a distance.

There have been others, but not as cool/funny as those.

P.S. I still jab my wife about running over me about 6 years later. Good times man, good times.

49

I was changing a tire in my garage and the dam tire iron got stuck on the lug nut. So I’m sitting on my but, yanking at it progressively harder and harder. At one point I give it a twist, then a yank. The twist was all it needed, it hit my forehead, the back of my head hit the garage wall. The whole world slid off of my field of vision and to the left.

Heh, edit: I just remembered that I had a job interview the next day too. Massive purple line in the middle of my forehead makes a great impression.

50

I was knocked cold for a few seconds when I broke my neck flying off an ATV at the track. The funny part is the on-scene “paramedic” the track employed tried to get me to get up and move around. Having never broken my neck before I lacked the experience to tell him that yes, for sure, my neck is indeed broken.

So the “paramedic” tries to encourage me to try to stand even after I told him I landed on my head going 20 miles an hour and my neck feels like Jello. “I’m sorry, am I bumming people out when they ride by and see me on the ground? You’re right, I’ll walk it off. being able to feel my arms and legs is overrated anyway.”

51

This one happened only a year or two ago. My brother offered to buy lunch if I went to go get it, a proposition I found agreeable. I borrowed his car, and on my way to the burger place, I noticed that his brake pedal felt a little spongy. I pulled into a Pep Boys and checked his brake fluid. Sure enough, his fluid level was low. I went inside and bought a bottle of brake fluid, and topped off his master cylinder. My hands were now nice and black, and I looked for something to wipe my hands on. I spotted a roll of paper towels in the back of his car, so I opened the hatchback to get them out.

I wasn’t aware that the hatchback door has a tendency to not stay up if you don’t make sure you push it up all the way. I opened the hatch, leaned inside, grabbed the roll of paper towels, and as I was straightening up, the hatch came down and hit me squarely on the head. My field of vision turned red, and the next thing I knew, I was on my knees, with the hatch down on top of me, and my head and arms still inside the car. My head felt like a bomb went off inside my skull, and even my teeth hurt. I struggled out of this predicament and was about to paint the air blue with profanity when I noticed several children with their parents in my immediate vicinity. I imagine I must have looked absolutely ridiculous pacing back and forth, trying to walk off the pain, jaw clenched because I was afraid that I’d have a bout of Tourette’s Syndrome if I made any sound. When I got back into the car, I looked in the rear view mirror, and saw that I had a nice, fat trickle of blood rolling down my forehead. The door took a nice gouge out of my scalp. I hate hatchbacks.

52

This wasn’t me, but I was there.

It was the Uni revue - I can’t even remember what I was doing in it. Anyhow, one of the sketches was a spoof based on “The Professionals” - these guys were Dobie and Boyle. The had to run on stage, waving pretend guns while the theme tune played, jump around a bit, then say their lines.

On the first night, they get their cue, tv theme starts, and they run on. One of them, full of first night enthusiasm, leaps up on a desk, waves his gun, and leaps off, aiming to land halfway across the stage. What he does, is smack his head into a beam supporting the lower ceiling on the back half of the stage. It was a sickening thud, and his flying body rotated and he hit the floor badly as well. I was sure he had fractured his skull or something, but he got up, ran about a bit more, then stopped. His mate delivered his line - something like “tell us what we want to know”, and the guy with the sore head said

“yeah, tell us who put the f***ing beam there” (which wasn’t his line, obviously)

Everyone collapsed in hysterics, and we finally got the show back on track.

It was just as funny after the show, when we watched it again on video. I bet someone made money out of that video - Funniest Home Videos or something. Maybe it’s on YouTube.

Of course, there was the time (as a kid) that I run full tilt under a Bike Stopper (wooden barriers with a gap to make cyclists dismount and walk through) and lifted my head too soon. Stars and birdies indeed.

Si