I’m talking about the “I can’t believe I just did that” variety accidents.
My examples:[ul]
[li]I was about fifteen, walking around the lake by my grandparents house alone, when I decided to pick up a large, sharp rock, throw it straight up into the air as high as I could, then catch it. Five stitches.[/li]
[li]I was weed-eating my parents’ yard when I was home from college, came across whatever kind of bee’s nest is in one of those little holes in the ground, and was convinced that I could slice every bee in two that flew out of the hole with the weed eater. I was unsuccessful.[/li]
[li]Every time I thought I was ten times the better skier than I really am.[/li][/ul]
~~I was running through the woods with a BB gun trying to
keep up with a squirrel and tripped over a log that was
hidden under some vines… I fell on my wrist and heard it crack…
I had a headache and was trying to open a new bottle of Tylenol. For some reason I didn’t want to fuss with peeling off the silver foil covering the top of the bottle so I decided - aha!- to stab it with a pen. By the way, I happened to be a passenger in a moving vehicle at the time. Just as I thrust downward we went over a bump. I missed the bottle and drove the pen into the webbing between my thumb and forefinger, puncturing it completely. I pulled the pen out and gazed stupidly at the cavern that had opened up in my hand. I could see the light filtering through the jagged flaps of flesh around the opening. It was actually pretty cool, at least until it filled up with blood. After that I forgot my headache.
I’ll jump in, and here we go. Too young, too drunk, too stupid when camping. Waking up in the pre-dawn hours wondering why I’m happily warm, only to discover the reason. I had rolled into the campfire in my sleep. The bottom half of my sleeping bag was merrily crackling with pretty colored flames as the synthetics burn, with my butt still in it. For being that drunk, they say it was an incredibly athletic move as I threw myself into the air like a salmon on amphetamines and ripped the flaming bag away from my body before I hit the ground. I then had to pull my socks off, since they were melting. All said and done I was slightly pink in a few spots, but managed to escape anything more serious. Ya gotta love New Years.
Much like D18, I once threw a brick into the air and required stitches at its landing point (my upper forehead). Unlike D18, I at least have the excuse that I was only 3
Back in jr. high, I slid in some gravel running, and tried to catch myself by grabbing onto the top of a chain link fence. The jaggy things at the top punctured my palm. Like Myrnalene, I watched, facinated, as the hole in my once-perfect hand quickly bubbled over with fresh blood. That one took 14 stitches and left a scar that looks like a headless dancer covering 1/3 of my palm.
I jumped off a 15 foot wall one time with some friends as we fled the scene, so to speak. Fractured the ol’ ankle with that trick. When you have enough time on the way down to formulate a complete thought (wow, I’m falling!), you’ve jumped too far.
I was a catcher back in high school. Practicing one night, without my helmet, I got blasted. I put my mitt to my head, out of reflex mainly, and when I brought it back down the pocket had a puddle of blood in it. Half a shaved head and 17 stitches later, I was almost as good as new. (aside: the batter was my coach)
There are more–many, many more–but I’ll spare us all.
Oooo! I remembered another fun one. One day I was vacuuming barefoot (like a dumbass). You know how it works, you push it forward, pull it back, ad infinitum. On one of the trips back I managed to pull it completely over my foot, splitting my big toenail right down the middle. I got to walk around for a few weeks with pus oozing out of it until it finally turned black and fell off. Jealous, aint’cha?
I was getting ready for work one morning, and had just stepped into my shoes, when the phone rang. I started to dash for the phone, immediately fell over, and broke my wrist.
Why, you might ask, would an otherwise healthy, fairly young-ish person just fall over like a house of cards? Why, because I had put on one flat shoe, and one with a three inch heel.
One evening I decided to put away the soldering iron I’d used a few days ago. I picked it up by the metal barrel and quickly discovered I’d neglected to unplug it. I had to shake it off my hand…
Result: Pinkie, ring finger, and that side of my palm are one big blister, and a little bit of char on the heel of my hand, plus the conviction that I was the dumbest sod on the face of the Earth. No lasting repercussions except my right pinkie still (10 years later) feels a bit more sensitive than the other fingers.
My friend and I were going to do some minor work on my car; I forget what, exactly. It involved a pair of those little ramps you drive up, and they hold your car up in the air. I was backing down off the ramps, and I had the door open so I could hear my friend tell me when I was off them. Got down to the bottom, stopped, started to get out of the car, was told that I needed to back up a few more inches, sat back down, put it in reverse, and hit the gas… with the door still open, and my foot still out and set on the ground. I managed to run over my own toes.
No injuries, just an embarassing story that my friend reminds me of any time I criticize her driving skills. (“At least I didn’t run over my own foot!”)
Okay, when I was five years old I got my first lesson on physics.
[ul][li]1. Young Inky places big, round rock on ground. Inky has made his first fulcrum![/li][li]2. Lay toy sandbox shovel over the fulcrum. Young Inky had created his first lever![/li][li]3. Hi Opal![/li][li]4. Place sizable rock inside shovel. We have our mass.[/li][li]5. Inky jumps on handle of shovel. We have potential energy![/li][li]6. Energy is transferred via our lever from Inky unto mass-rock. Mass-rock is now in motion, and as we all know, a body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.[/li][li]7. The unbalanced force (a very unbalanced young Inky’s forehead) acts upon our object in motion.[/ul][/li]Conclusion? Mass + Force = Black and blue lump on forehead, and a unique insight on the whole “Unstoppable Force vs. Immovable Object” arguement.
How about 3 stupid injuries in ten minutes? I was wrapping gifts in the bedroom floor and scraped my finger on the tape dispenser. When I flung my hand away from the evil teeth of the tape dispenser, it landed against the wall heater which was on the “Glowing Red” setting. I went to the kitchen to run cold water on my hand, but it wasn’t cold enough, so I got an ice cube from the freezer… WAIT A MINUTE! I can’t put a DRY ice cube on my WET hand, that would be STUPID!!! So I put the ice in my mouth so it wouldn’t be dry anymore. When I pried the ice from the inside of my lip it took a good chunk of my lip with it.
I was 16 or 17 at the time and was coming home from the store with my mother. We pulled into the garage and she got out first and went inside closing both doors behind her. I got out and slammed the car door. My index finger did not get out. I locked the car door before slamming it. I stood in the garage screaming for five minutes until my mom came out and freed me.
The finger was mangled and the nail was filled with blood. I did not want to lose the fingernail, however. So, I was very careful afterward but the blood under the nail wouldn’t go away. My friend scared me with stories of gangrene and convinced me that I had to let the blood out so I heated a safety pin over a lighter and poked it through the nail. It took a lot of nerves and effort but eventually it stuck through and blood shot out. So now I had a white, leaky fingernail with a big hole in it.
A few weeks later I was drying my hand off and the nail pulled out. It took 5-6 months to grow back and even now, 6 years later, the fingernail is still very sensitive.
Another classic injury goes back to when I was 5 or so. We had one of those mechanical car lighter things that you push in. For some mind-bending reason I decided to test how hot they got. How would I do this you ask? Well, the solution was simple- I was a very innovative child and could always make do with the equipment I had at hand. I pushed the lighter in and waited for it to pop out. I then proceeded to stick my finger in it (bravely ignoring the bright glowing red coils) and push down. Smoke shot out and the tip of my finger was now very well done. The experiment was a success! I had now concluded that car lighters were very, very, very hot. And, as a surprise bonus, I now have a designer fingerprint on that one finger.
My family was about to go somewhere (out to dinner? evening church service) and I was in the middle of washing the dishes. I rushed to get all of the silverware into the little tray that goes into the dishwasher. In my haste, it fell apart and all the silverware slid out. I slammed my hand down onto the silverware (I have a bad temper), and it just happened to land on the blade of a knife that was sticking straight up. Sliced my palm something awful. No stitches, though.
when i was 12, I built a catapult using two trees, a large wooden pole, and probably 100 feet of rope and industrial strength extention cord. I used it to throw empty aluminum cans and milk jugs full of water…it worked well.
Well, i just had to do the Tim taylor thing (remember home improvement?) and add more power… I added a car pattery for a counter weight, wich caused me to have to put more tension on the throwing lever to balance the whole thing…well, to make the a long story short, the car battery counter weight came off, and the added tension in the throwing arm caused it to swing in a full circle. I heard the battery hit the ground, and turned around just in time for the arm to hit me in the chin, peel up my lip and cut my gums, and make a great finish by breaking my nose and forcing it to the “full upright position”
I straightened my nose myself, and after it healed, i realsied that the cartilidge in the middle that seperates the nostrils now resembles a letter “S” instead of being straight.
This wasn’t really stupid…just clumsy. I was opening a box today at work and I was cutting the tape with a boxcutter. I was cutting towards myself instead of away, and I managed to slice my whole finger open. I didn’t even notice until someone told me I was dripping blood.
Mine is similar to hypergirl’s. I worked at a pet store when I was 17. One night we were putting up all the exotic fishes that had come in that day - slicing open the plastics bags across the top. The razor knife I was using didn’t stop at the bag as expected, but went straight for my wrist. I now have a nice 2" scar from the heel of the hand to the wrist.
There was that incident recently with the honey and the two male models (Dutch, I think. Didn’t get their names, but they were stunning, as are all Dutch men.) It’s not really an injury, more like a rash or something.
I stayed drunk for 20 years, so the list is long. But for sheer stupidity, the one that pops in my mind occurred during my first year in college.
Late night. Massive consumption of rum and marijuana.
I decided to do a little pyrotechnical magic.
Figured a tiny amount of 151-proof rum in the palm of my hand could be safely ignited. It would flash and burn out quickly. Real cool, huh?
Sloshed more 151 than I realized.
Entire hand burst into flames.
Did not go out quickly.
Spent the rest of the night with my hand out my dorm window in the snow, wishing for more rum to put in me, rather than on me.
No permanent injuries, but a permanent memory.
“Watch this!” was a phrase that I was beginning to use less and less frequently.
Ain’t higher education wonderful?
