My MIL was at our house this past weekend. I was sitting on the porch talking with her and I went in to get us each another beer. She picked up my phone to check the time, and a glitch with my phone that sometimes causes a random song to play happened.
I returned to the porch to find her laughing so hard her face was red. The song that was playing was one I hadn’t thought about in years, indeed I didn’t even know it was on my phone. It was Crudbump singing Fuck You If You Don’t Like Christmas. She had never heard the song and it just totally cracked her up. She especially liked his use of “isthmus” as a rhyme for “christmas”. Also the part about nog.
After it finished playing, she asked if we could listen to it again. We did. Then my gf came outside to see what we were up to. Her mom blurted out, “Fuck you if you don’t like christmas”, which got me and her laughing hysterically while my gf stood there, shocked.
This one goes back a ways, but still cracks me up every time I think about it.
Back in the 70s my brother and sister and I would sit down every Sunday evening to watch Monty Python on the local PBS station. Our parents didn’t really get it - I think they had trouble understanding the accents.
Anyway, one Sunday my dad had his older sister and her husband over for a visit. It’s time for Monty Python and us three kids plop down in front of the TV. Dad’s explaining to his sister about how us kids for some reason really just love this show.
That week’s episode just happened to be the “Full Frontal Nudity” episode.
When I was in grade school, my little sister was snooping around my room one day. That night during dinner, she told my parents that I was looking at dirty pictures I had in my room. She was certain I was in big trouble.
Plot twist: the “dirty pictures” were in sex education books my mom had checked out of the library in lieu of a “birds & bees” talk. She got in trouble for snooping.
My favorite story about my daughter was when she was three. I picked her up from preschool and was putting her in her car seat when I accidentally bumped her head on the car’s doorframe. “Ow!” she shouted in delight. “I’m dead!”
She’d been saying stuff like this a lot, so I said, “Sweetie, let’s not joke about death. Jokes should be things that make us happy.”
One evening I noticed my younger sister had left her school stuff on the dining room table. I opened her binder and on top was a poem she had written. I thought it needed a little fluffing up. So I crossed out her rhyming words and replaced them with poop and snoop, turd and bird and fart and wart. Then next afternoon she came home from school and she was pissed. She apparently got up in front of the class to read her poem and saw what had been done. She showed her teacher what had been done and the teacher thought it was funny. She told our mother what happened, I was laughing with my siblings about the poem. She read it to the family at dinner that night, everyone, including her, thought it was hilarious.
This isn’t lately, being that it happened almost 50 years ago…
Me, 5-6 years old sitting miserable in bed, covered in poison ivy rash. All over the place, legs, arms, chest, and down there. You know where, yeah, there too.
My mom gets done checking me over, legs, arms, chest, then down there, and she sits up and says… you know what we’re going to have to do?
Me… cut it off?
Man, did she laugh! Apparently castration is NOT an approved treatment for poison ivy wiener, but waiting for it to go away is.
In 6th grade, my daughter’s assignment was to get someone to write a letter about an exciting or frightening event in their life (presumably family members).
She got the (good) idea to ask her Uncle, who flew Navy fighters for his most exciting event. He promptly wrote her a letter which started off wonderfully, detailing the the wind, the dark night and the waves… and then continued describing how terrified he was while her Grandpa tried to dock the pontoon boat after having too many beers. She was furious, having expected some serious carrier-based emergency.
After calming down, she found another letter inside the envelope. It had the “real” version she was hoping for, involving an ailing jet, night-time, and a worsening hydraulic leak. It gave me the heebie-jeebies just reading it.
My 5yo son and I were about to drive somewhere, and he looked casually around my pickup, and said, “this truck is a fucking mess.” Which of course I cracked up, and then I requested he not use that language again.
This happened just a couple of weeks ago. I took my wife, daughter, and 3 1/2 year old granddaughter to a local restaurant.
Granddaughter sat down in the booth, and it was obvious that she needed a booster seat. The server brought us one, so she stood up as my wife placed the seat under her. She sat down but then complained that the seat was too tight, so she stood up again. My wife flipped the booster over (the seat on the other side was wider), and granddaughter sat down again. But she immediately stood up, and announced, loud enough for the whole section to hear: “Nana, I have a wedgie.”
I think this was only funny to me, but it’s an object lesson. Do not piss me off.
I was about 10, and my younger sister was about 8 or 9. She did something to make me mad. Can’t remember now what it was, but it was a worse infraction than normal. I stewed over it.
We shared a room at the time, so later that night (like hours and hours later) I waited until she was sound asleep. I went to the kitchen got a glass of water, came back, and poured it over her face.
I laughed. She did not. She has since forgiven me.
My sister and I used to play a game when we were 9 and ten years old respectively, we would agree about a specific letter (“A” or “D” or “X” for example) and months later try and remember which letter it was, I was renowned in my family for my memory but my sister always defeated me, I ended up forgetting which letter it was but she never did.
About 20 years later we were talking about it and my sister bursted out in laughter and confessed that she never remembered the letter, she just said the first that come to mind and since I didn’t remember which one it was and she insisted she did, she always “won”.
My brother (and I) liked to collect critters like bugs, lizards, and snakes. Once he found a baby possum and tried to keep it as a pet, much to my mother’s dismay. She was deathly afraid of rats and mice, and the baby possum looked too ratlike for her comfort.
But it somehow got out of its cage, and though we looked all over the house, we couldn’t find it. The next day, my mom went to get something out of the desk, and we heard an ear-splitting scream. My brother said, “Oh, good, mom found the possum.” She did indeed - it was in the bottom drawer of the desk, playing dead. Never did find out how it got in there.
When my daughter was 10 she competed in a local swim team. The team used the local pool and wanted to dress it up for a big meet. I and several other dads volunteered to weed wack.
My daughter was horribly embarrassed when I showed up with my weed wacker dressed in long pants, work boots, long sleeves, gloves, and face mask. The two other dads wore their bathing suits and flip flops.
I had looked around ahead of time and noticed the poison ivy growing along the fences. I got some minor rashes on my wrist. The other two dads were miserable for awhile, one requiring brief hospitalization.
