Last summer I was at a stoplight and I look over and next to me this lady, who was wearing a pitted out tshirt and a doo rag, is pretty much foaming at the mouth. She is yelling about God knows what and she was alone in the car. So I rolled down the window to get a better listen, and right when I do she shuts up. When the light turned green, she looked over at me and gave big smile, which revealed many teeth missing from her bloated head, flicked her tongue at me, and then sped off as fast as her Geo Metro would take her.
Really? Wow. 
Quoting Jess …
So sorry. Didn’t mean to freak you out. Heat of the moment, you know…
Actually, I’ve seen someone jacking off at a stoplight as well. I used to drive a pickup and I could see down in some cars. Anyway, this guy was at the stoplight, and with a cursory glance to the side, I saw motion, which caught my eye. I focused and saw him taking care of number one. He saw me, panicked, then grabbed something in the passenger seat to cover up. In doing this, he knocked the Big Gulp he had in the cupholder into his lap. The light turned green and as I pulled away, laughing my ass off, he was still at the light, furiously cleaning off his lap, then his foot must’ve slipped off the clutch, because his car lurched and died (I think). Buzzkill for that guy, to be sure…
I’ve had the experience of singing along to the radio at a red light and glancing in my rear-view mirror to see the guy in the car behind singing along to the same tune (“Africa” by Toto).
Grim
I was standing next to a guy at a traffic light who looked dreadful. Pale, sweaty (it was February). All of a sudden, he opens the door of his car, leans out, and vomits on the tarmac. He closes the door again as the light turns green, and drives off.
Did I mention that I used to eat breakfast in the car at the time? Wasn’t so hungry anymore, then.
A friend of mine (when we were teens) used to have a mannequin in his car. It was made from the top of his mom’s dressmaker’s thing, a styrofoam head, a realistic old-man mask, a hat and clothing. It looked ver convincing from a short distance. He used to stop at a signal and just start beating the hell out of it to scare the people in the car next to him.
Just the other morning while going to work, I noticed the guy in front on me moving around in the drivers seat. We stop at the light and all of a sudden he jumps out of the car and changes his pants. Stood right there in the middle of the street and took his pants off. Somebody honked and he took the time to wave before putting on a different pair. Unfortunately for him the light changed and he did not have time to put his shoes on before taking off again.
Whoa. I just saw someone do this today, but he also changed his shirt (it’s a very long light). Same person, maybe? Or maybe there’s an epidemic of red-light-clothes-changers.
Once while driving through center city Philly on a field trip, we passed a guy who was buck-naked, jacking off, and also singing very loudly to a pop song.
I’ve also seen the oral sex (male driver giving to female passenger). It was quite a site.
I’ve also seen someone actually drumming away on his steering wheel with drumsticks. This doesn’t sound all that weird until the light turned green and he continued to drum even as he sped off! What was he using to steer? Luckily, I was turning.
I love going places with my friend David. He sometimes fakes having a “seizure” at a stoplight…very violent ones. It’s really funny to see the reactions of other people sitting at the stoplight. I’m pretty sure an older couple called 911 on their cell phone though.
There’s a woman who lives in my part of town who drives a Bentley, and she’s got an animated mannequin of a man that she’s installed in the front passenger seat. He goes through a short cycle of arm and head movements. I think she’s got him there as a security device rather than an accessory to allow her use of the HOV lane on the freeway.
It’s not very difficult to knock him off for what he is, but it’s hilarious to watch when she hits a stoplight. She acts as if she’s interacting with him - talking, arguing, discussing - heh, I’ve wondered if something like that might make my ride to work a bit more interesting.
Another redlight story that (I think I posted this here a couple of years ago, but what the hey) probably doesn’t quite match the OP, but it was a redlight event. First, know that I am straight. Second, know that I live in the Montrose area of Houston, which is sort of like our Greenwich Village. So, gay neighbors are no big deal.
I had a gay neighbor, Rick, when my brother and I shared a house 20+ years ago. Rick and my brother were pretty good friends, but my brother moved away to San Francisco. Anyway, after a bit, Rick started calling me to bemoan the failing state of his relationship with guy-whose-name-I-can’t-remember. What struck me was the common ground with my straight friends’ relationship difficulties - “He needs his space - Let’s just be friends,” etc.
So, finally, one day Rick calls me at work to tell me that his guy’s people are coming over that evening to move him out, and can I come over to just, at least, have someone on his side present? I acquiesed, and stood by while the family glared and moved furniture out.
When that’s all over, Rick says, “I need a beer!” So I say, “Sure, pal. Where d’you want to go?”
He picks Mary’s, which is the oldest continually operating gay bar in Houston. Everybody knows about Mary’s.
As we’re leaving Mary’s, which is at the corner of Westheimer (major west Houston traffic thoroughfare) and Commonwealth (local artery), we find ourselves pulled out at a 45 degree angle from the parking lot while waiting for the light.
Toot Toot
The very next car in traffic holds an accountant from the mid-size independent oil company for which I worked at the time. He’s in the front passenger seat, working his friend’s horn to beat the band. When I look over and recognize him, he gives me the Tinkerbelle wave.
Crap.
So I’m spotted obviously pulling out of a gay bar with a stereotypical gay body-builder of the early '80s (muscles, handlebar mustache, tank-top).
I just decided there was nothing to be done about it, and let’em think what they will.
I usually find just about everything funny. But for some reason this just bothers me alot. Why? Because my boyfriend is an epileptic and IT IS NOT funny to watch someone have a seizure. If I saw your friend, I’d probably call 911 and if I did find out it was a joke, I’d probably yell at him for being an ass.
- Doesn’t anybody put on their tie at intersections these days?
- Does no one have the deceny to jack off while actually driving?
A friend of mine on the way home from work will take her bra off. Using that trick you women have of taking it off without taking your shirt off. Funny following her home one day. Noticed she was doing this again, and called her on the cell phone. Asked why she couldn’t wait till she got home.
That could have been my ex boyfriend. He used to keep a pair of drumsticks in the glove compartment and pull them out every once in a while.
He had to get out of the car? I’ve managed this while driving (we’re talking jeans, shirt, bra, shoes–all of it).
Me too… Used to do it daily in high school on my way to work. lol
A few months ago I saw a guy driving down the freeway, steering with his left hand, and playing a trumpet with his right. :eek:
Not exactly at a light, but I had to share.
In addition to air drumming, I also play air piano nicely.
You may think this kind of thing is funny.
But it’s snot.
Once I stopped next to a kid (16-17) in a big Caddy – obviously his dad or his grampa’s car. He had his left hand on the steering wheel, his right was out of sight (not a masturbation story) and his window was open about 1/5 of the way. As we stop at the light he looks left and right furtively, bends his head down for a few seconds, comes up, looks around furtively again, and blows cigarette smoke out the window. Then he looks around once more, bends down, etc., etc. He must have gotten three or four good clandestine puffs before the light changed.
–Cliffy