I was watching The Muppets Wizard of Oz last night. It was a cute movie, with all sorts of cornball jokes in it. However, there was one point where I was completely floored with laughter.
As they are leaving MunchkinLand, Toto (played by Pepe the Prawn) looks to the camera and says:
“For those of you who have Dark Side of the Moon, press play…now.”
Zev Steinhardt
80% of the lines of Arrested Development.
Let’s try that again…
“For those of you who have Dark Side of the Moon, press play…now.”
Holy crap, that’s funny.
Yeah, Arrested Development. But the one line that really got me was when the surgeon (best one in Southern California) explained that he accidently did the wrong surgery on Michael. Then he let out a quiet, apologetic “D’oh.” Completely unlike how Homer Simpson would do it. That’s when I realized that he was played by Dan Castelanata (sp?).
In the otherwise stupid Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star was this exchange:
Producer: You’re not right for the part. You don’t know what it’s like to be a normal kid.
DR: I can do it. Go ahead, audition me.
P: OK, you’re six years old, and you come down the stairs on Christmas morning and see a brand new bicycle. Act it out.
DR: Holy shit, a bicycle!
P: You’re six.
DR: Holy crap, a bicycle!
P: You’re six.
DR: Goo goo gah gah bikey.
From the original Wizard of Oz: Dorothy and the Scarecrow have found the rusted Tin Man.
Scarecrow: “What’d he say?”
Dorothy: “Oil can.”
Scarecrow: “Oil can what?”
From the heartwarming finale of Sky High…
After the kids have rescued the school, and the father starts to give what starts out seeming like a totally generic Stirring Speech, and then delivers the classic line:
“I don’t know what you’re teaching them–but whatever it is, keep on teaching them it.”
Classic Cosby moment:
Theo gives a heartfelt speech about how Cliff should just love him for who he is. It was so honest, so vulnerable, so sweet, it made you want to cry. Then Cliff responds with “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard!”
My favorite, after a bleep-filled rant by Buster, Michael’s “Well, let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that, okay, buddy?”
Absolutely kills me, every time.
At the conclusion of What’s Up, Doc?
Basrbara Streisand: Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
(Loooong silence)
Ryan O’Neal: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
In the recent Duck Dodgers cartoon series:
Porky: (As DD gets into his ship to shoot down the evil ship) May the Force be with you!
DD: Thanks, but I think I’ll use this expensive targeting system we’ve got!
Scene in Desperate Housewives:
Susan is trying to follow Mike. She tails his truck to a park, climbs out and throws open the truck’s door. Inside are a surprised looking man and woman in probably their mid-40s. She apologizes and hurries away. The woman looks at the man and says “Was that your wife?”
Perfect beat…
“If that was my wife, you think I’d be here with you?!”
In the movie Planes, Trains and Automoblies, Steve Martins request for a car at the rental place.
And to top it off, the mother squealed, “Aaaah! I knew it!” There’s never any explanation of what she meant, but it’s exactly what the audience was thinking.
The best one we ever heard.
This commercial came on. It was for some kind of energy drink.
They show waterfalls, people living a good life, enjoying themselves, getting chicks, conserving the environment, etc. All the time there’s a voiceover talking about how the drink is “green”, good for you, and then he goes on to say…“and it tastes like…”
Cut to a guy drinking it and making the most god-awful disgusted face ever!
Cut to people drinking Sprite.
Loved it!
On a recent episode of Weeds, Kevin Nealon the corrupt accountant and the slacker brother-in-law are sitting adjacent to one another on the couch, watching porn. The discussion turns to what the proper term is for the taint. (The fun area between your scrotum and your anus.)
One of them turns to the maid and says, “What do you call the thing between the dick and the asshole?”
She looks at them and says, “A coffee table.”
We can include commercials? Yay!
I didn’t see this one on TV, but it was e-mailed to me.
A couple of guys are at the supermarket, loading up their shopping carts with jugs of milk. Cut to more guys buying milk. Lots of it. Cut to a guy walking with armloads of milk, and his dog is wearing a special milk-carrying vest. Cut to a guy stealing milk from a truck. All of these guys look desperate.
Then there is a black screen with the words “A recent study found that calcium may reduce the symptoms of PMS.”
A couple of years ago there was a I think a Certa commerical or maybe it was for a mattress store. In the commericial the narrator is describing this wonderful serene dream as the camera pans. Beautiful ocean, crashing waves, etc etc… then he says “…having tea with Cornelius from Planet of the Apes.” And Cornelius raises a tea cup to the camera.
I didn’t expect that.
From the Files of Police Squad!
Apartment Owner : “Who are you, and what are you doing here?”
Lt. Drebin : “I’m a locksmith. (beat) And I’m a locksmith.”
Beauty.
My favorite:
“Holy Rusted Metal, Batman!”
My mother once told this joke to a locksmith, and he was completely unamused. Mom was very upset.