Funny, you don't LOOK Jewish

[MadHatter]

HIJACK

I’m a Catholic, and in year 10 when it was explained to me exactly what the Jewish faith was all about (up until then I had no idea), I questioned why, if Christians strive to be more like Jesus, then why aren’t we Jews? Jesus Christ… was Jewish. Christians try to model themselves on his teachings… so why the heck aren’t we Jewish??

My Religion teachers could never give me a straight answer to that one.

[sugaree]

Originally posted by peace

So, upturned noses, etc., are not expected of Jews and a remark (“You do not look like a Jew”) is born out of surprise, not bigotry, and is understandable. If I’m introduced to a wide-eyed freckled blond girl and told that she is a Chinese, I’d say right to her face “You do not look a Chinese”. She wouldn’t be offended and probably will
explain: “I’m half Irish”.

I am gonna have to disagree with you that these are proper subjects for polite conversation. Telling somebody that “You don’t look black” or “You don’t look Jewish” is rude, like all prying questions/comments, even if it is not meant to be. I feel that if somebody tells you that they are Jewish, or Chinese, the polite thing to do is to accept this at face value. Nobody owes anyone an explanation of their heritage or convictions, or should be called upon to defend their belonging with whatever group they associate themselves with. When somebody wants you to know that she is biracial (for example), she’ll get around to telling you. Until then, it is nobody’s business.

[SuaSponte]

*Originally posted by sugaree * [responding to Peace’s post (omitted)]
I am gonna have to disagree with you that these are proper subjects for polite conversation. Telling somebody that “You don’t look black” or “You don’t look Jewish” is rude, like all prying questions/comments, even if it is not meant to be. I feel that if somebody tells you that they are Jewish, or Chinese, the polite thing to do is to accept this at face value. Nobody owes anyone an explanation of their heritage or convictions, or should be called upon to defend their belonging with whatever group they associate themselves with. When somebody wants you to know that she is biracial (for example), she’ll get around to telling you. Until then, it is nobody’s business.

On re-reading my earlier post, I may have left the impression that I think that, but for Jewish sensibilities, it would be OK to make the “look Jewish” comment. Let me take the opportunity to dispel that impression by agreeing wholeheartedly with sugaree. Regardless of whether there is or isn’t a Jewish/Ashkenazi “look”, if you say to someone “you don’t LOOK Jewish”, you are saying (or at least giving the impression) that (a) “You don’t fit into my stereotypes”, or (b) “I suspect you are lying to me.” Either message should be avoided.

Sua

[Eve]

What most people mean when they say 'you look Jewish" is actually “you look Eastern European.” That has been the classic “Jewish look” for the past 200 or so years: light skin, dark hair and eyes, aquiline nose.

I have the classic “Jewish look,” and am constantly stopped by the Mitzvah Van people: “Are you Jewish?” “No, I’m an atheist—why do you ask?”

[peace]

Su, I agree with you, with this caveat: it MIGHT be impolite. Like the big breast thing above. It depends on the situation.
In general I think that political correctness and individual sensitivities took us tooooooooo far. Nowadays, in some circles, I can’t say much at all without offending somebody. Somebody is always Jewish, somedy is fat, somebody is short, etc. Is being too smart (> than average) OK? I know that being beuatiful is not, at least I can’t say it because it may be [mis]interprted as sexually offensive. Yet, addressing me by my first name is perfectly OK*. If I say : It’s too cloudy today", would you interpret it as if I think you live in bad, cloudy neighborhood? Or that I imply there are acid rain clouds in your cheap neighborhood? Or if you sneeze and I [automatically] say: “God bless you!”, you’d feel offended because I implied that so far you’re unblessed?

*I don’t mind being called by my first name, but only by people to whom I introduced myself such, i.e., as in: 'Hi, I’m Ed". People who never addressed me before, shouldn’t call me Ed or Mac.

[SkeptiJess]

Peace, the OP referred to a comment made in a social setting, and asked for a way to respond. Although, I am perfectly aware that there is a stereotypically Jewish ‘look’ it is just not appropropriate to say “you don’t look Jewish” in a social setting. It is rude to make personal remarks to strangers or near strangers about their appearance – especially when your comment carries a racial or ethnic stereotype with it. And it does not matter to manners whether or not the stereotype is sometimes, or even usually, true. As for your defense of this comment as “surprise rather than rudeness” – well, I don’t buy it. A person who is so shocked upon meeting a blond Jew that he or she blurts out a rude remark needs some remedial manners training. Miss Manner’s method provides this.