In a social setting, how would you interpret a statement by a stranger saying "you dont look like (fill in blank, I.e. a teacher, a doctor, like a Pastor, hispanic, Jewish, religious, conservative, liberal etc etc. etc. In general how would you take this comment and how would you respond? For the purposes of this question its referring to a comment that is said in a neutral manner, not in a sarcastic or insulting manner. Is it best to assume the person meant no harm and not come back with a sarcastic reply? Or does the nature of that question deserve a sarcastic reply? (I admit it seems rude to me even if not meant to be)
I usually say, “Oh, what does___ look like?” Not sarcastically, but like I’m really curious. They realize they’ve said something dumb, and say they don’t know, and move on.
While getting my hair cut recently, I was asked if my grey streak was a birthmark.
Apparently, the stylist didn’t think I looked old enough to have grey hair.
I assured her that both parents were at least as grey as I am now by the time they were my age, and for that matter, my younger brother has more grey hairs than I do.
I did not pursue the question of how old she thought I looked.
I don’t know what to say, but I know I dislike it. Even neutral, depending on what “X” is, is offensive.
I do admit, when someone at my sis’s wedding said “You don’t look like a veterinarian.”, I was “huh?” in my mind. Didn’t know if it meant I was too young, or looked too young, or too simple-minded (or not serious enough for being a veterinarian)…
I’d probably put my finger to my lips, say “Shhh!, I’m passing.” Then walk away.
I usually get the opposite, which is the assumption that I’m Jewish. I haven’t ever summoned up the will to be offended and usually just respond that my father is Jewish.
Yep, that pretty much works for me too.
I get this a fair amount (“you don’t look” - of American origin, of British extraction, my age, “you don’t seem like” a high school drop out, someone who curses plentifully, an atheist) and I pretty much ignore it. It’s funny though, first impressions of me often don’t mesh with the actuality, or my self-image.
“Well, that should tell you a lot about the validity of stereotypes, shouldn’t it?”
“You don’t look pregnant” how would you respond?
I say, “How fat was I before” hahahahahaha (but I am not really laughing on the inside)
I also say “Well I certainty feel pregnant.”
“And you don’t look smart enough to know the difference.”
I always get “You don’t look American” (One time I inquired: “what do you think Americans are supposed to look like? Blond-haired and blue-eyed?” They said, “Yes.”)
I answer, “Well, I am American.” If they then say it to me again, I shrug it off. What else can I do?
When I get a “You don’t look Jewish,” I typically reply with “Well, I’m not very good at it.”
People say I look about 10-15 years younger than my real age. They don’t understand that I don’t consider this a compliment. To me, it just means that my actual life expectancy is a whole lot shorter than they think. My partner is 20 years younger than I am, and has more gray hair. Now THAT’s something I can laugh about.
And then there are people who don’t know me very well, are amazed at everything about me.
"You’re an artist???
“What do you mean, you play violin?”
“You’re gay? You???”
"Huh? How could you be diabetic?
"You sing? YOU SING???
I get a pointed “you don’t look old enough to have a kid X age” ALL the time. They’re waiting for me to volunteer my age, but I just pretend I don’t realize that and say yeah, so I’ve been told.
Occasionally I get “you don’t look white” which is weird because I look super white, but I have really dark hair which some people apparently believe white people can’t have. I don’t know what to say but “um, oh” to that. Same when people say I don’t look/seem American, which has happened a few times.
Sometimes I get “you don’t look like you’d date black guys” to which I say thanks :X
Now that I think of it I know someone who seems to get this,it is like the other side of the coin of "you dont look....", and for some reason I cant explain this doesnt seem negative in way "you dont look" does. What does one say to "you look like "? I guess she could look excited and say "yay me!"
Good one…do they say anything further or does that shut them up?
This is the one I get. I say something about my 14 yo son and get interrupted with, “NO WAY! No way do you have a teenager. How old were you when he was born?” Like asking how old I was when he was born is better than asking how old I am now. Sometimes I say 12. Sometimes I say 30. The latter is closer to the truth. Sometimes I just look at them blankly.
The surgery worked!
I bet you say that to all the girls.
Only my stylist knows.
Left the deerskin at home, did we, Sherlock?
It usually suffices. If pressed, I slump my shoulders and ruefully mention that “I just can’t bring myself to give up bacon. Oh, or screwing my Christian wife.”