You, or someone close to you, belongs to a group of people (meaning race, religion, nationality/origin, sexual orientation, political belief, dietary preference, physical ailment, physical or mental disability, cultural or sporting obsession, etc.) that isn’t immediately evident from your appearance or through superficial acquaintance.
Someone you know makes an offensive remark about that particular group and expects you to go along with it.
How do you react? Something with more impact that the phrase in the title.
Either a gentle and tactful riposte - especially if you like the person and want to give them the benefit of the doubt; or otherwise, a more forceful put-down, designed to mortify!
So I was at a large party, and most of us had never met in person, so many of the folks there were trying to make a good impression, and some were trying too hard. At the time, I was an Air Force officer whose job was foreign ballistic missile analysis. A young partygoer was in the living room holding forth about what the Russians could and couldn’t do with their various ICBMs – he was going on at great length and somewhat less great accuracy. I gently interrupted one of his wackier assertions and said, simply, “That’s not true. The Russians do not have that capability fielded.”
He said “Sure they do!”
I said, “No, I’m certain you’re mistaken. There’s only one system in their inventory with that kind of throw weight, and it’s covered under the START treaty which prohibits that behavior.”
He says, “What are you, some kind of rocket scientist?”
There was nervous chuckling from the three or four folks in the room who knew me already. I sort of blink and smile, and say, “Actually, yes, I am a rocket scientist. I specialize in foreign ballistic missiles.”
He sort of stammered something like “I guess you would know then,” and went to get another drink.
My parents-in-law occasionally let some latent (yet sweetly innocent :rolleyes:) racism from their childhood bubble to the surface. My mother-in-law was casually mentioning that someone at a flea market was trying to “jew her down” during a sale. So I casually mentioned that my grandmother was part Jewish. I haven’t heard that phrase from her since then, though I did hear mention of someone “niggering up” their motorcycle. (My wife eventually gathered her family together into a council and told them, under no uncertain terms, that racism is not permitted around our children. The kids will learn enough of that at school without the family’s help, and we should demonstrate better behavior at home. No problems after that. I love my wife!)
My daughter is deaf, and one of my jobs is at a charter school unrelated to her education. One day the principal was ranting on about special education kids and how the school wants the increased state funds they bring but doesn’t want the extra work. Then he asks me about my kids. (The openings don’t come any wider than that.)
My husband gets this, because he is a blond, anglo-looking Hispanic. He usually ignores the remark, and then puts the person permanently on his own personal blacklist. He’s a pretty non-confrontational type, but he doesn’t forget stupidity and small-mindedness, either.
When I lived in Scotland another kid and and I were playing in a pile of sand (what is it with children and sand piles?!) when she suddenly started up this rant about hating Catholics (clearly repeating stuff she was hearing elsewhere in her life- dare I say from her parents?!), she was practically foaming at the mouth, and when she was done she looked at me and said “don’t you hate Catholics?”
yes, dear reader, I was one…
Another time I was in hospital, a visitor at someone else’s bed for no reason started barking on that Civil Servants were to blame for the Recession, he went on and on and on about it and everyone was developing a six inch glazed stare. he looked at me apparently hoping for some affirmation, to whit I responded “my Da’s a Civil Servant”
When the visitor left, the ward gave me a round of applause for shutting him up good and proper
My former boss is hugely homophobic. (Also racist, sexist and a bit of a general idiot. But this is about ‘I am a…’ moments.)
I am not straight.
He would occasionally make comments about customers being limp-wristed or ‘faggy’ (Usually ‘what are you, a faggot?’ when a customer wanted their sandwich cut, or something along those lines.) and expected me to think it was funny.
Since I needed the job, I didn’t say anything, but I did several hundred dollars of damage to my teeth grinding them.
And I once had a run-in with an anti-Catholic bigot in an IRC channel I frequented at the time. (I am, nominally, Catholic. Not practicing, but still I identify as such.) HIM, I responded to. I spent about an hour attempting to educate him about what Catholics actually, you know, do and believe. The channel as a whole eventually drove him off.
My nearest to this was when I was on a TV show (present throughout filming). Later I got into an Internet discussion with someone who made lots of inaccurate observations about the show. I politely rejected them all, whereupon he snapped “How could you know? You weren’t there!”
I get pissed when people make the assumption that I am just as racist as they, like when they confide in me their anecdotes about the “Mexicans”, or the “Indians”, or the “Blacks.” What about me would possibly make you think I am as small minded and ignorant as you? I typically mildly reply something to the effect that “You know my husband is from Mexico, right?” Or my husband is black, or Somali, or whatever. This stops them dead in their tracks. I let the dead conversation just sit there for a while. Assholes.
I was out to dinner with my buddy and his new girlfriend, who worked in her daddy’s deli. She was in charge of getting a website created for this business, and was complaining about the designer she was working with, how he didn’t hit his deadlines and was always overbudget. I agreed that he was acting unprofessionally and suggested maybe she look elsewhere for a web designer. She replied with something like “yeah, any 16 year old with a copy of Frontpage can make a webpage! It’s easy!” I tried to explain that yes, it’s easy to make a website, but hard to make a GOOD website. She disagreed and tried to justify it. Finally I just looked across the table and said “Um… you know I develop websites for a living, right? Making a good website take more than a 16 year old with Frontpage.” She kept trying to argue with me, and I kept trying to make valid responses until I finally got fed up and replied “Anyone who has a cow can work in a deli!” She shut up after that, and my buddy dumped her soon after. Good riddance.
Formerly morbidly obese person here. I love when people make fat jokes or cracks in front of me. People who knew me “before” always move cautiously out of the line of fire.
(gainfully employed & socially stable person with a historical dx of ‘paranoid schizophrenic’)
I don’t get riled up and unsettled (don’t want to confirm folks’ ignorant beliefs by frothing at the mouth, you know ;)).
Sometimes it’s a deadpan reply with the words “we” or “us” inserted at strategic points in the sentence. Sometimes it’s an apologetic “Gee, I left my axe at home”. Or if someone remains hostile and continues to say abrasive things, I’ll see if I can flip the tables on them and make detached-sounding clinical statements about their pathological behavior.
I would just smile and nod and then never talk to that person again. I’m against prejudical speech and behavior, but apparently not enough to protest it in person.
About the only time this happens are with Catholic rants and Polish jokes. The jokes I chuckle at (hey, some are pretty funny!) and the rants I just ignore. People who are rabidly anti-Catholic aren’t going to listen to a measured response anyway and I don’t see any good coming from matching zeal with zeal.
Occassionally I’ll say “Hey, I’m Polish!” and if they try to apologise, wave it off. Life’s too short to get offended over “screen door on submarine” jokes.
I’m Jewish. At least three times in my life I’ve called people on making cracks about Jews - once a physical therapist was talking about her husband “Jewing someone down”, I don’t think she thought about what she was saying until I politely pointed out that I didn’t like it.
Two other times it was dimwits in college making nasty statements about Jews - one guy was the driver on a trip and we were all chipping in a few bucks towards gas afterwards. As he dropped us off he said “I don’t mean to be a Jew about this but can I have the gas money?”. I said “I’m a Jew. Here’s your money” and slapped it into his palm. He shut up.
Nobody has ever actually apologized for what they said. If I got caught running my mouth like that I like to think I’d have the character to admit I was wrong.
I work as a research assistant using animal models for transplant immunology studies. I also go to school part-time.
Since I’m pretty open about my work (I’m majoring in Biology), I occasionally run into students who are anti-animal cruelty. Usually, I listen to what they have to say and move on. Once, I got into a huge debate with a religious studies professor.
Prof: Nothing good has come from using animal research!
Me: Anesthesia, new surgical techniques, and better treatments for cancer where developed using animal models.
Prof: Animals aren’t the same as humans! Mistakes can be made.
Me: Risk is a part of life. Animal testing is one part of a long process that reduces the dangers.
Prof: Cell cultures can be used as substitutes.
Me: Currently, there is nothing that can reliably replicate the many parts of a living system and how they interact - other than an animal model. By the way, where do you think the cells for culture come from?
I gave up on the discussion.
After the final in this class, the prof gave me a packet of PETA information. I tossed it. (For the record, I respect that PETA and similar organizations made researchers realize that animals need quality care to get consistant results.)
This happened to me last night, but in a really goofy way.
I was out with one of my girlfriends and we were talking about my Ex, and how he likes big boobs. She said “Like how big? Like huge nasty D’s or something?” with a look of total horror on her face.
I said “Lisa, I wear a DD.”
She got totally flustered and looked at my chest, and said “Uh, I mean like big nasty F’s or something then!”
I’m a brown-haired, anglo-looking anglo, but I speak Spanish well – I’m often thought to be Cuban, even by other Cubans. I spent the last year traveling to various parts of Florida for work, and about half of the locations I went to, the employees would start bitching about “them goddamned spics” taking over. I would spend the rest of the day praying that a Spanish-speaking customer would come in so I could help them in Spanish in front of these racist assholes. Whenever the opportunity arose, the looks on their faces would be priceless.
I used to just internally seethe when someone made a bigotted comment. Not anymore. I just got so sick of it. I work with alot of bigots and it’s in an industry that’s pretty bigotted so I hear this crap alot. All the guys I work with know that if they say something racist, sexist, anti-semitic, whatever, that I will spout off. I haven’t changed their views on anything but at least I don’t have to put up with the ignorant drivel quite as often.
Back when we hired a new guy, who did nothing to hide his bigotry, I decided that I wasn’t going to be the silent loather anymore. After telling him repeatedly that I didn’t want to hear about his racist, homophobic views anymore and he just scoffed I made a huge sign an put it above his office door. It just said “Archie Bunker.” When people asked why his door said that, I replied, "Oh, because “John” is a bigotted pig like Archie. A few months ago a customer came in and in one sentence made it known that he had a problem with blacks and jews. Instead of laughing at his little joke, I said in front of everyone, “Damn Jack, all these years and I never realized what a bigot you were.” He shut up. I got the death glare from one co-worker and my boss. Perhaps cutting down a customer in that fashion is not professional, but neither is walking into a company with your ignorance showing.
That would be hilarious! It’s interesting that people think you are Cuban. My husband’s father was from Cuba, but his mother was the typical Chicago mix of Irish & German (my husband clearly takes after her side, as his dad was very Ricky Ricardo-looking with the black hair and all, and my husband is so fair & blonde he is practically translucent!) People are taken aback at our Spanish last name all the time, and he gets really annoyed when people question it, because it just shows the ignorace of what people think “Hispanic” means. Of course, as I said, if they don’t know his last name, they have NO idea, and will say the worst things in front of him, but I really think that a major part of his annoyance comes from people not understanding how he could possibly be Hispanic, if he doesn’t “look like one.” And it comes from a lot of different kinds of people. Once we met a guy who was of Mexican background, and he asked us where we got a “Mexican name!”
