Gah!!!!!!! Spider!!!!!!! Spider!!!!!!!! Spider!!!!!!!!! Spider in my pants!!!!!!!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
101

Payton’s Servant …

Thanks for sharing (shudder). I grew up in Kansas, and for some reason I was irresistably attractive to brown recluse spiders … I’ve been bitten by the elusive little bastards THREE times. Watching a small but precious piece of my body rot away over a period of weeks, not once but thrice, was enough to make me near-hysterically arachnophobic.

I tried to cure myself … like Maxxxie I once kept a Black Widow as a pet (its name was Harvey WallHanger) and fed it cockroaches, which were in abundant supply in my downtown warehouse apartment. Although it was a fascinating creature, familiarity never at any time bred comfort.

Now I live in a place where the spiders are less toxic, but much larger. It keeps life interesting. While I won’t burden the board with my lengthy diatribe on the subject of arachnoidal karma, anyone may, if they wish, read it here.

102

  1. The Northeast.

  2. Well, they were down in the basement and we were checking on them every day, and as I think I mentioned in an earlier post, they are no longer with us.

  3. I’m not sure how to answer that, except to say that I might not have started this thread. ;)*

4)Hey they are really good shower doors. Plus it turned out that we had to get a new frame and everything for them, so that’s where the expense really came in.

*Oh, who am I kidding, of course I’d still have posted it. :stuck_out_tongue:

103

That’s pretty damn dis-freak-gusting, «Ðëëp¤F®ïêd»?! Why are you not a complete basket case?

104

it’s the blimps and spiders again! They stole my food stamps and sold them to the rats. I tried to go down to my car for to honk the horn for help, but the snakes is guarding it for the cockroaches. I go back upstairs, but the spiders has jammed the police lock. I ain’t been inside for a week, and I know that my wife is sleepin’ with the bees!~paraphrased from “We’re all Bozos on This Bus” by Firesign Theater

105

ohhh, but I am MrBoy1967 , I am…only marginally in normal circumstances but when confronted with any spider I regress to that same emotional reaction I had when I was 6. I have been told it is pretty comical to see a quite large 6’ tall bearded tattooed man scream like a little-girl and hyperventilate until practically passing out, but I fail to find the humor…
Like I said, I am in therapy(and not just for my arachniphobia) and have worked on channelling my panic into rage. Now I scraem like a little girl and flail madly at them with whatever is handy while cursing like a sailor and, I have been told, doing a little panic dance/jig…
I should video tape it sometime, perhaps I could be the next $100,000 winner on “America’s Funniest Home Videos”…

106

No, dude, you need to find a friend in Hollywood to put that into one of his scripts and slip you some $$$. I mean, come on! They put that scene on the silver screen (not neccessarily with a kid-any character would do), the entire audience would empty their seats and fill them simultaneously… It would fit nicely in any kind of thriller I can think of- Sci-Fi, slasher flick, and so on-only the reason for the scene needs to change. It couldn’t be stretched into a whole film, but its a killer scene!

If you’re particularly lucky, maybe you could even get a walk-on or bit part in the movie.

I mean, that is as messed up as anything I’ve seen in Arachnaphobia, 8 Legged Freaks, etc.

107

HA! thanks for the thought! I do write in my spare time and perhaps this could become a screenplay scene…who knows.

As for the movies you mentioned I have obviously not seen them. However, a friend of mine tricked me into going to a drive-in double feature where I was excited to see the main feature (I can’t remember what it was now) and didn’t tell me what the openning feature was. Yep, you guessed it…“Arachnaphobia”. He had parked so close to the speaker pole on my side of the car that I couldn’t open the door and by the “shower scene” where the little bastards start swarming out of the showerhead I had to scramble out the window and spent the next 2hrs in the arcade shivering…with friends like that who needs enemies, huh?

108

This is the only thing that has caused me to laugh all day.

109

Oh, and by the way, thanks a lot, guys. I am now unable to stop my brain from thinking I feel things crawling up my legs.

110

You survived… how did you survive? GOOD LORD JESUS! I’d have ripped off my arm doing such a thing, screaming like a goddamned banshee while doing it! Spiders… (shudder) they freak me out something fierce! I know, it was merely seconds it was on you but… still, it’s eternity when you have a spider crawling up your belly. A widow no less (SHUDDER!). All I have to say is this: You utter fool! CHECK THEM UNDIES, good Lord man! :smack: I laugh in your general direction, just teasing. A spider once graced my palm… one night. The first night I stayed over at the new boyfriend’s house. The night I met his folks. The night I almost screwed it all up. Did I scream? Mentally, yessssss!
:eek: In reality, I held my bloodcurdling shriek within the rictus of my crazed open mouth but I ran like the wind to salvation! My boyfriend! He was just down the hallway, Bless the Lord! From the first horrible tickling of spider legs on my open hand under the pillow, it took me a nanosecond to run into his arms, no lie! Reflex took over, trapping my screams of unearthly death within and I crushed the horrid thing to death but not before I felt it BITE me and off I ran. Needless to say, it proved harmless and I noted the proud gleam in his soft blue eyes that I had not screamed awake the entire household that fateful night. Spiders… UGH!

111

Yes, yes, yes… Sanguine-SPIDER’s the name, shut up.

112

So, I believe you found this thread whilst doing a vanity search, Sanguine?

:smiley:

113

Hmmmmmmm…? I do not know of what ye speaketh, knave. Now, bow down and take off my boots. Shhhh! No back talk.

114

May I? While I cannot top your spider story, (as I and the bathroom were both unharmed in my experience) I can sympathize with your umm…overreaction to the situation. I, too, can pick up a snake, turn over rocks, and enter dark attics without the assistance of either Australian zoologists or my mommy. Not afraid of any multi-pedal creature.
Last May I was working in a large call-center at rather new building with 900 employees. Most of the employees were women; most of those women were older (read post-retirement) or mothers who have just returned to the work force. A rather conservative group overall, is what I am implying.
We had a lovely outdoor eating area with several picnic tables under some carefully arranged landscaping that consisted of split rail fencing and wild cherry trees, that happened to be full of white [/URL=http://www.uky.edu/Agriculture/Entomology/entfacts/trees/ef423.htm]“tents” or webs in the branches. (Any fellow southerners already know exactly which antagonist is about to make an appearance in my story)

I was dressed for summer in a beautiful pair of wide-legged silk pants, sling-back stilettos and a sleeveless turtleneck. (Ladies, smooth fitting silk pants = thong; you know what I am talking about). As I exited the cafeteria in fashionable style with my lunch tray, several of my co-workers pointed out that no one in their right mind would eat outside with all the caterpillars crawling all over the place. “Nonsense.They don’t bite or sting, they are perfectly harmless.”
So of course I had my lunch, alone.
Fast forward to about 10 minutes after I returned to my desk. I felt a tickle on the back of one knee, absentmindedly scratched it, and resumed working. Within about 10 seconds I realized that I was sharing my silk pants with something furry, and jumped up and ran for the nearest ladies room. I threw open the door, rushed in and headed for an empty stall. Except there were no empty stalls. A quick scan revealed one pair of comfortable shoes under each of the 10 stall doors.
So I whipped off my pants in the middle of the tiled floor and was shaking them wildly when 6 stall doors opened simultaneously. I was caught standing bare-assed in heels waving my trousers by 6 dour older ladies, none of who seemed pleased to have a nude girl in between them and the sinks. (Did I mention that my naked behind was neatly framed in the large mirrors over the sinks?)
We all froze for a few seconds, locked in a battle of wills that was most likely going to end with at least one gray-haired woman spraying mace in my direction. For lack of anything better to do, I gave the silk trousers one final shake, and the hairy beast obligingly flew out of a pants leg and landed at the feet of the cronies, eliciting a scream from at least 2.
I pointed at the worm and stated “Caterpillar.”
I then stepped back into my pants, zipped up, and walked out with my reputation (though certainly not my dignity) in tact.

115

LMAO!! You gave those ol’ cronies just what they needed, I say! They were crazy jealous of your youthful buttocks clad so in a thong, in my opinion. Battle of wills, nay. Jealousy… deadly, venomous jealousy. The Green Monster reared its ugly head that fateful day at you… the unfortunate target of one caterpillar issued world domination plot. The bugs will one day rule the world, we all know this. Do NOT let them have it so soon! Damnable bugs, I hate them all…

Here’s a lil’ idea: Let’s all buy bug spray and go on a killing spree!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!

116

No fear here of spiders, creepies, or crawlies – and it came in handy once at a campsite at age 15 – got assigned a tent with 3 other girls, one was a very shy, first time away from mum sort of girl, the other two were the classic bully and toady.

These were rather large canvas tents, quite nice, actually. They were braced down the centre of the ‘ceiling’ with a 1 x 2 length of wood, and all along this brace were spiders. All about, oh, 2"-4" across. Minding their own business. None of this, dropping down on you sort of thing. Probably thinking to themselves, ‘Icky! We have to spend a weekend in the same tent with girls!’

Now the shy girl saw all these spiders, and gulped in surpressed panic – you know, when you’re frightened, and you don’t want potential meanies to know you’re frightened. They saw her ashen face, and they saw what she was looking at, and started to tease her, about how they would shake the tent canvas whilst she was sleeping, and how the spiders would fall on her. Poor old thing was all a-quiver.

During all this I was setting up my stuff, very non chalant.

Once the 2 bullies had reduced the shy girl to tears, they turned on me, on and on about how they were going to get me, too. I just looked up at them blandly, up at the spiders, then back at them, and said, ‘You girls don’t happen to sleep with your mouths open, do you?’

They grabbed their stuff, fled to another tent and never bothered that other girl the rest of the time.