Game of Thrones, A Golden Crown, 5/22/11

[Evil_Captor]

@Biggirl

All this ‘seed is strong’ stuff is reminding me of Jerry Springer’s paternity shows. Specifically, one where the prospective father knew the kid wasn’t his because “I can’t have boy babies. I don’t have the X.”

John just doesn’t have the blond.

Ooh, settle it on Jerry Springer!

Jerry: Robert, this is your wife, Cersei, and her brother Jaime. We’ve brought them to our studios because they’ve got something to tell you!

Cersei: Robert, this is really hard. But you deserve to know … all our children, well … they’re not your kids. I’ve been having an affair with my brother Jaime here and, well … they are all his children! (Jaime holds Cersei’s shoulders reassuringly as she speaks, trying and not succeeding at not looking smug.)

Studio Audience: Slut!!! Freak!!! That’s incense, lady!!!

Jerry: Robert, what do you say to that?
**
Robert:** Well Jerry, unfortunately I can believe it as she has always been a skanky blond bitch of a wife. And given that I believe it, it’s treason, punishable by death. I’m going to have to kill her, and Jaime, and … this is what hurts the most, in the sense that it’s the only thing that hurts even a little bit … all the kids.

**Studio Audience: **Boooooooo!!! Child abuser!!! Murderer!!!

Robert: It’s the law!!! And I am the KING!!!

Jerry: Now, Robert, we kinda thought you would feel that way. Which is why we revealed it to you today, on this show, in the hopes that we can talk things out without bloodshed.
**
Robert: **(stares at Jerry, goggle-eyed) Without bloodshed! In the Seven Kingdoms? You have to be kidding!

(Robert whips out a sword and stabs Jerry, then goes after Cersei and Jaime. The security guards leap out and try to restrain them, but Robert and Jaime, expert swordsmen both, quickly stab most of them. This leads some members of the audience to storm the stage, while other audiences, seeing how Robert and Jaime killed the security guards, whip out Glocks and Uzis and start firing at Robert and Jaime, eventually killing them, and in the process, almost everyone else in the studio. The camera pans over a stage drenched in blood and gunsmoke, catching a movement on the floor. It’s Springer, miraculously still alive, putting his mike to his lips and saying:
**
Jerry:** Tomorrow … gasp … choke … be sure to tune in … aargh … we have a surprise in store for … cough cough … Hamlet, prince of Denmark!

[fubbleskag]

Game of Thrones meets Arrested Development

Arrested Westeros

[Acsenray]

@Evil_Captor

**
Jerry:** Tomorrow … gasp … choke … be sure to tune in … aargh … we have a surprise in store for … cough cough … Hamlet, prince of Denmark!

Sorry, not buying it. He wouldn’t sign off without A Word from Jerry.

[Elendil_s_Heir]

Well, in fairness to Jerry, he was a little distracted.

[Acsenray]

He could never be that distracted.

[Oslo_Ostragoth]

@fubbleskag

Game of Thrones meets Arrested Development

http://arrestedwesteros.tumblr.com/

Good stuff.

[DxZero]

@Biggirl

If favorite characters tend to bite it, I guess I’ll say my goodbyes to Ned, Arya and The Imp. If the opposite holds true The Queen and Ned’s wife will be around forever.

Here here, except for Arya, who is my least favorite character. Why, you ask? Because she looks and acts exactly like a favorite recently ex-ed girlfriend of mine when she was younger. Which is just suuuuuper creepy/disturbing for a whole host of obvious reasons. I even put off watching the show for a few weeks and it still is somewhat unnerving.

@Lantern

As for the parentage reveal, it’s more obvious in the show than it is in the book. In the book we are of course told that Jaime, Cersei and her kids all have blonde hair but in the show we see it in every scene they are in. It makes a big difference. I am curious as to when the newbies figured it out.

Newbie here. I thought it was obvious right away due to the hair color. Only 4 characters have such noticeable blonde hair and three of them are full-blooded siblings. The fourth, Joffrey, who has the blondest hair of them all, is only half-blood Lannister and should have had some of his supposed father’s traits. However, I didn’t get what Jon Arryn was doing when he was looking for the King’s bastards and talking about how the “seed is strong.” But as soon as Sansa threw her little hissy-fit and mentioned the blonde hair, it all came together. Which is the moment that it came together for Ned and I think I made the same face as he did. Pretty cool that everything connected for both of us at once.

[DxZero]

By the by, I hadn’t read through the entire thread about the blonde genetics prior to my previous comment and I couldn’t really make it all the way through the rest of it right now, but just a quick comment which may have been mentioned above.

It doesn’t really matter what the viewer knows within a story. It only matters what the characters know.

Ned knows that all Lannisters are really blonde/blue-eyed. Ned knows that all Baratheons are dark-haired and dark-eyed, including illegitimate children of King Robert borne of blonde-haired woman. Ned knows that King Robert’s legitimate children, though borne of a blonde-haired woman, are all extremely blonde-haired/blue-eyed. This would raise an eyebrow in most anyone, if only because its somewhat rare that it would occur and its kind of interesting even if nothing sinister had occurred already. NOW, Ned also knows that Jon Arryn suspected something based on this and that there was every indication this knowledge got him killed. Ned also knows that Jon Arryn’s widow accuses the Lannisters of being behind Jon Arryn’s death. What he doesn’t know is that she’s crazier than a shit-house rat, so he has to consider her word as somewhat reliable.

Putting everything he knows together, he has to strongly suspect that the Queen has been stepping out with someone and whoever that someone may be, the Lannister family will kill high nobles and children to protect revealing who that might be.

[DigitalC]

Ok, i NEED one of this

[Merijeek]

@DigitalC

Ok, i NEED one of this

I know it’s HBO, but I’m surprised they’re selling that.

As far as the Arrested Development crossover goes, most of it was mildly amusing. The Cornballer, however, made me laugh pretty hard.

-Joe

[Elendil_s_Heir]

@DigitalC

Ok, i NEED one of this

I don’t get it.

[DrDeth]

@Elendil_s_Heir

I don’t get it.

Throwaway line about having had a women in each one of the 8 Kingdoms.

[Biggirl]

@Elendil_s_Heir

I don’t get it.

Robert told this to his brother. It’s doing a girl in each of the relms. Or in each of them. Something like that. His brother wasn’t impressed for a few reasons.

[Boyo_Jim]

@Elendil_s_Heir

I don’t get it.

I’m guessing the answer to that is a spoiler for some future thing.

[Acsenray]

It’s not a spoiler. When King Robert went hunting, he was reminiscing about the “good old days.” One of his fond memories was the way that he and his pals would try to “Make the Eight,” i.e., nailing a woman from each of the seven kingdoms plus the Riverlands. He teased his brother for never having “Made the Eight” himself. The brother didn’t think much of Robert’s reminiscing, considering that during the good old days, the common people suffered the effects of constant warfare and had to deal with a mad king who randomly tortured and killed people.

[Biggirl]

@Acsenray

It’s not a spoiler. When King Robert went hunting, he was reminiscing about the “good old days.” One of his fond memories was the way that he and his pals would try to “Make the Eight,” i.e., nailing a woman from each of the seven kingdoms plus the Riverlands. He teased his brother for never having “Made the Eight” himself. The brother didn’t think much of Robert’s reminiscing, considering that during the good old days, the common people suffered the effects of constant warfare and had to deal with a mad king who randomly tortured and killed people.

Plus, like fuck fucking girls.

[Merijeek]

@Acsenray

It’s not a spoiler. When King Robert went hunting, he was reminiscing about the “good old days.” One of his fond memories was the way that he and his pals would try to “Make the Eight,” i.e., nailing a woman from each of the seven kingdoms plus the Riverlands. He teased his brother for never having “Made the Eight” himself. The brother didn’t think much of Robert’s reminiscing, considering that during the good old days, the common people suffered the effects of constant warfare and had to deal with a mad king who randomly tortured and killed people.

Except it is, because it comes from the episode after the one this thread is about.

Soylent Targaryen is people! PEOPLE! And Goldschlager might be too.

-Joe

[Biggirl]

@Merijeek

Except it is, because it comes from the episode after the one this thread is about.

Soylent Targaryen is people! PEOPLE! And Goldschlager might be too.

-Joe

Ooops!

It doesn’t give anything away. Everybody already knows the king is going hunting and he’s a drunken hoe-tamin’ fool.

[NAF1138]

@Merijeek

Except it is, because it comes from the episode after the one this thread is about.

Soylent Targaryen is people! PEOPLE! And Goldschlager might be too.

-Joe

No, it’s not. I haven’t seen that one yet and I saw the making the 8 line.

[Merijeek]

@NAF1138

No, it’s not. I haven’t seen that one yet and I saw the making the 8 line.

Huh. In that case I may have been hitting the crack pipe a little early today.

Ignore the man behind the keyboard. And watch for chunks of Viserys in your Goldschlager.

-Joe