Garden Gnomes

My neighbour had, up to yesterday 17 of these bastards in his front garden.

Gnomes fishing, ringing bells,climbing miniature trees,sitting on toadstools, shaking hands, sitting on wells. Everything except shagging but I guess he’s working on that.

Today his collection has increased by a further 9.

He has now got a Father Christmas gnome, a Mother Christmas gnome and 7 fucking elf type gnomes PLUS a bleeding sleigh and reindeer.

As if that isn’t bad enough, he calls around and proudly announces that mummy and daddy father fucking Christmas gnomes, together with elves,sleigh and reindeer will be lit up along with the sodding Christmas tree.

All of this in full view of me should I happen to glance out the window to my left.


I wish the complaints I have about my neighbors were that small.

Yes well I’m almost 67 and entitled to be grumpy about anything.

Off my lawn NOW!

You know what would be fucking awesome? A nativity scene of garden gnomes, complete right down to a little pointy-hatted baby Jesus.

But they’re not on your lawn. They’re on his. :smiley:

That aside, yeah. Eyesores suck.

Move all the gnomes an inch or two closer to his front door, every night.

I second this

I’d also buy *more *gnomes and set them on his window ledges, looking in.

Our neighbour where we were renting a few years ago did something that always struck me as wierd.

She had many a garden gnome and plastic flamingo on her lawn.

Anyway, she had a real problem with racoons raiding her garbage. Eventually, she hired a service that trapped out the racoons.

The next week, she had up on her lawn - little plastic racoon sculptures. :smiley:

Heck- you can make the gnomes shag! Just place them in the correct positions (or incorrect, whatever floats your boat) and watch the fun begin!

I don’t mind the gnomes too much. It’s the blow up shit that pisses me off. No, you do not need three inflatable snow globes with waving Santas and flying fuck reindeers. They are hideous and, unless you keep them inflated all day, look stupid deflated.
It’s getting to be that time, too.
Whatever happened to pretty lights and wicker reindeer? At least those did not stand out so much.

Sure they weren’t the work of a taxidermist? That would be kewl! :smiley:

I came in here to mention this.
My MIL has an infestation of gnomes and I routinely move them a little bit to an entire relocation to another part of the yard.
I am also considering gifting a gnome to one of my best friends because her driveway is a MF to find in the country. A “turn left at the gnome” is just what is needed.

Also, for those who are bored or twisted, you can google x rated gnomes and find some pictures of these odd creatures that you’d never thought you’d see.

Garden ornaments are a good thing. Makes identifying the more whappy folk in the neighbourhood nice and simple.

That is so wrong.
So very wrong.
Where can I buy one right now?

[The Doctor] These things are fast, faster than you can believe. So DON’T BLINK. DO NOT BLINK. And DON’T LOOK AWAY. Good luck. [/The Doctor]

I’m not saying you should do anything illegal.

But, Gnome’s have been known to go on adventures all over the world, especially if the kidnapper has like minded peeps situated globally who can take pictures of Gnomie at various places of interest and mail the pictures back to home base.

I wouldn’t condemn…errr condone any illicit gnomenapping.
Not at all.

::::::cough, cough:::::::::

There was a fad here a few years back for a certain style of gnome.

Face down with a knife in its back.

Good times.

I’ve always said that if my front lawn were not covered with trees I would fill it with the tacky blow-up Christmas ornaments.

I’m not sure if I would, 'cause I’m lazy. But I always say I would.


Well, not so much for the gnome.

But as far as I can tell there’s only one female gnome and that’s Mother Christmas.

Are you suggesting a gay gnome orgy?