Here in Las Vegas it is really easy to identify what is a weed - it is the only thing that grows without major time, expense, water and effort.
The trick here is to find colorful weeds to fill your garden.
The squash family grows male and female flowers. Those look like males; the females should be along shortly and then you will be able to tell what it is. The female flowers will have (under the petals) a tiny homunculus (fructinculus?). They look like micro versions of the fruit they will become.
And here’s a picture of the male and female flowers (from left to right.) The females are the only ones that sprout fruit. The flowers are edible, and quite nice cooked into a quesadilla.
Yep.
They’re also good civilizing tools for recalcitrant spouses; once they know what you’ve got growing out there they become most cordial.
Story of the pioneers: Do you know common mullein? It’s a bi-ennial. One year you get a little rosette of close to the ground leaves which are soft and fuzzy. The next year you get a tall spike of yellow flowers. People say that it makes a good treatment for menopausal difficulties but I have no clue what that means or how it is accomplished.
Maybe looking at the odd Dr. Suess-type plants makes a grumpy woman smile?
At any rate, the pioneers: Toilet paper was in short supply so they had to make do with what may be available as they moved along the prairie trail. The soft leaves of mullein looked made to order but those stubbly little furlike extensions on their leaves produced a itchy and stinging rash after using.
This was no problem for those experienced in the nature of prairie plants. It meant that both the tall spiky plant with flowers and its alternate, the cute little rosette, were both the same and therefore, off limits. That is unless you planned on walking for a couple of days. And then none too comfortably.
This is a good reason why it’s important to get to know your plants, Kids. There’s a good chance that by 2012 we’ll be running out of T.P. 
Great. As if I wasn’t frightened enough of my garden as is and then this thread comes along.
I recently bought a home on three acres and the prior owners were apparently avid gardeners. All kinds of stuff keeps sprouting up - often overnight. I have no idea how to care for any of it and can’t tell a weed from a purposely planted plant. And to top it off, I just noticed an enormous prehistoric looking plant growing behind the house. Its leaves are as big as dinner plates. Frankly, I’m afraid to go outside any longer…
I might be insulted by the comparison to Mr. Burns if your characterization of me wasn’t so accurate.
Damn right!
Is it rhubarb?
OMG! I just googled rhubarb and that’s what it is. What does one do with a rhubarb (besides cower in terror from it)?
Eat it quick before the Fourth of July, Surly Chick. 
In checking it after work today, I discovered that I grossly underestimated the size of its leaves. They’re now the size of those metal buffet serving dishes that have two sterno thingys under them. Seriously, I’ve heard of rhubarb but I wouldn’t recognize the vegetable if I saw it. Is it a root vegetable? Is there a giant thing growing under the enormous plant?
It has roots, but the part of the rhubarb that you eat is the stems, after you’ve removed and discarded the leaves. Chop and simmer with sugar to balance out the tartness. Rhubarb makes a nice combination with strawberries, and also goes well in fruit pies.
Mmmm rhubarb. Now I’m hungry.
This is the part you eat. Do not eat the leaves. They are poisonou and can make you sick.
This thread reminds me of the little old ladies and their odd plant they can’t identify. Often it’s pot. Seeds from some doper’s joint is all it takes. They even found one growing near a courthouse. The plants are hard to identify until they get big.
I disagree, within limits, but to prevent hijacking, I’ve started a new thread in GQ.
Eat or don’t eat, whatever.
But tasting a plant will tell you very little.
I agree with others here; a weed is simply a plant that is growing where you don’t want it to grow. A redwood would be a weed if it is growing in your vegetable garden. A lettuce plant is a weed if it is growing in your pine plantation.
If you don’t want it growing there; it’s a weed. Pull it out.
Hah! I thought I was being facetious, and I was being helpful instead! 
Rhubarb is sour, but a lot of people enjoy the flavour (I’m not really one of them). Get someone to show you how to make a rhubarb pie or rhubarb crisp - it’s not really tricky, but as they said, there are parts of the rhubarb you don’t eat. I wish you lived in my area so I could go garden for you.
Ok. I’m fine with you disagreeing with me. Lemme know how that’s working for you after your visit to ER.
Better safe than sorry and all that.
I wish you lived in my area too. I hate gardening and I feel guilty not being appreciative of what I have. The previous owners really went to town and there’re all kinds of weird/neat plants. A new one pops up literally every day. But I know there are giant spiders lurking, just waiting to attack, under all the foliage so I just avoid it whenever possible…
You use the stalks. Trim off the leaves and slice it about 1" lengths. When you cook it, it really does fall apart almost into a puree. It is tart and you will need to add sugar or some sort of sweetening.
Make a rhubarb and sour cream pie:
http://www.recipesource.com/baked-goods/desserts/pies/04/rec0412.html
Alternately, slice it up and bake with some sugar and fruit liqueur then use as a compote or put into a shortcake. This is very easy.
Can a pumpkin be grown in a pot?, i.e. if it has lots of room to spread outside the pot, and if the pumpkin itself is supported on something? I really have no idea but I’m suddenly curious about whether it’s possible. Mel Bartholomew recommends growing cucumbers up a trellis to save space. He also did the same with melons with the heavy fruit secured in slings, like little hammocks. But I can’t remember if he did anything similar for pumpkins.
And Patty O’Furniture, in case it’s not clear, “pumpkins are heavy feeders” is garden lingo for "pumpkins need LOTS of fertilizer. And that becomes even more important for fruits/veggies grown in pots.
And I’m reminded of that earlier discussion/debate about nibbling on leaves to determine whether a plant is weed/poisonous/edible/safe. Interestingly rhubarb is one of those plants that also demonstrates the flaws in the nibble-the-leaf test.
Here’s another thought/question: eating raw green tomatoes will make you sick, but cooking them makes them safe to eat. I’ve often wondered if there are other veggies/fruits/weeds that are like that?
Oh yeah, I know that feeling. Gardeners are so in love with the gardening process that we will happily do it for free. But with the hard work, bugs, and heat, I get why non-gardeners aren’t drawn to it. Interestingly for me I really HATE the bugs, and also have a serious phobia of earthworms. But I LOVE to garden so I put myself through the torture. Yeah, I’m weird. :rolleyes:
I’m only allergic to two things - tree pollen and grass pollen. So naturally I’d love gardening!