By all accounts she was pretty thoroughly played by him, and her response to this has not been rage, but sadness and disappointment.
This Slate article says she really needs to STFU about her feelings because being played by a gay fiancé is something we need to blame on oppressive social attitudes not the person himself. After all, what else could the poor man do?
Does being gay man give you a pass to mislead girlfriends and SOs?
I see the point.
I’d like to think that if I were gay, I’d be out of the closet and matter-of-fact about it: “Yes, I like the cock, so what?”
But perhaps I’d have spent time ashamed and unwilling to confront the truth – Lord knows many people have. Are they all spineless wimps?
No. Obviously the best course would have been to not initiate a relationship. But I can imagine the poor guy thinking, hoping, that with this girl he’ll just feel it, if he gives himself time.
And that attitude comes directly from societal distaste of being gay.
So I agree with the author, and not the OP.
So it’s OK to lead someone on for years, then dump her without explanation. I can understand him coming to terms with himself, but the way the relationship ended leaves a lot tto be desired. Societal pressure or no, he was a jerk to her. He could have at least explained himself directly to her before she heard about the article.
Still, among life’s sins, this ranks pretty low on the awful list.
So he was a lying bag of shit who hurt and manipulated her?
Yeah, she’s allowed to say that.
She’s also allowed to “bemoan”, i.e. connect the fact that he was lying, and the fact that he was repressing/testing his homosexuality, and wish that it could have been different, and would have been, had he been honest.
She is not allowed to out him, and she did not.
Does anyone honestly not understand either her or his position in this? Who on earth is it hurting?
She seems petty.
I understand her position, but she sounds like a stupid self-centered asshole for thinking anyone should care, other than her friends. He told her when they broke up he was gay. Presumably, he’d been hoping throughout their relationship that he could “fake it till he made it” and it didn’t work. He didn’t “play” her, or even probably intend to hurt her. He lied to her, true, but he also lied to EVERYONE, including himself. It hurts to be dumped, and I’m sure it hurts a lot to find out the man you loved never really felt the same way in return. Every single person who has ever been dumped goes through this. Welcome to real life honey.
Victim card trumped by gay card?
Makes a note. It’s hard to keep up with who gets top billing these days but I’m always fascinated when special interest groups bump noses.
No, that’s not clear at all from any account. I’m not sure when Collins decided or accepted that he was gay. The implication is that that’s why he called off their wedding, but I don’t think anyone has said that for sure. The relationship ended in 2009 and he says he started thinking about coming out in 2011, which is a significant gap. I can understand why she’s confused by this and I can agree it would have been more thoughtful to tell her himself instead of letting her found out from SI like everybody else did. But she’s really not doing herself any favors or accomplishing anything by going public with this. Except maybe selling magazines, of course.
So, this may be a surprise but life is not poker and no one is saying her emotional trauma is not comparable or in some way worthless. She’s airing dirty laundry in a public forum with a pretty obvious ax to grind. It’s tacky and unsympathetic.
I’m always interested to see who thinks life is a series of one-ups, though.
Reporters sought her out for comment and the story. There is at least one article in a major national publication. There is this thread. So I think others might care a little.
Victim of who? What special interest group is she supposedly a part of? Also, gay card? Whut?
Girls get dumped all the time. They complain to their friends (which is fine, of course) and then they move on. Dwelling on this, or acting like she’s been especially wronged because her ex-fiancé turned out to be gay instead of just not interested in her anymore is stupid and homophobic. She has every right to be sad and hurt, and to dislike Collins. But acting like he’s a special kind of asshole because he wasn’t ready to come out as being gay just makes her look like a twit.
Mostly people are rolling their eyes at her, from what I’ve seen, which isn’t exactly “caring” in sense most people mean when they use the word.
It’s true Cosmo, that bastion of journalism, sought her out. You have bested me indeed.
This right here. Been there, done that, except I dumped him for his at-the-time weird avoidant behavior, and he came out to me a couple years later when I called him to let him know that I was sorry for how I’d handled the breakup. (He sent me a letter after the breakup apologizing for being distant and saying he’d hoped I would be hurt less if I broke up with him than if he broke up with me, but it had just gotten dragged out - and he went with “it’s not you, it’s me”-type reasoning then.)
Yes, it sucks being broken up with. It sucks to find out your ex was gay. A lot of things suck about broken-off relationships. She’s only special here because her ex is somewhat famous. Better to find this out now than later, unless she was angling for some alimony or something as a consolation prize.
There is a very cliché response to many “news” stories, “Who cares about that.” Kardashians, Justin Beiber, 1st gay basketball player and his girlfriend, whatever. But since the stories usually sell pretty well the answer is a lot of people apparently. You could say that about everyone who appears on the cover of the Enquirer. Who cares? And yet they keep popping up on the cover…
They’d been broken up for four years. Not wanting marriage to someone doesn’t always mean you know exactly why you don’t want it.
I guess if she had given lots of examples of direct dishonesty or lying that messes with a persons that can come with affairs, I’d have some sympathy, but her major complaint seems to be that he didnt fit in with the plan.
Edit: comments in the Cosmo article support articles position pretty well too.
Otara
In the era of social media, where every thought that enters your head is worthy of being shared, with pictures to boot, I didn’t realize that anything was sacred anymore.
If she is upset that her long term boyfriend led her on for years, then that is just as newsworthy as his coming to terms with his sexuality. All is fair game in social media.
Evidence that he was leading her on?
You mean apart from dating her for years, scheduling a wedding, and discussing children?
Regards,
Shodan
Most of us don’t dish on our intimate relationships with famous people for a national audience because the opportunity never comes up. And I assume she was paid to do so, if that matters. She certainly has the right to do it and you can say the interest was there, but I don’t think it was a good idea or that it reflects particularly well on her.
Do you have evidence that at the time he was doing that, he was intending to do anything else but follow through?
If you are claiming he didn’t know he was gay, I don’t believe you.
Regards,
Shodan