In Spain you learn the “family status” of most coworkers at speeds which would send your average American into fits. Partnered/taken/married/separated/divorced/single, how many kids (of what genders, ages, what are they studying), siblings, parents, in-laws, where does everybody live…
One of my former coworkers refers to her common-law husband as “my partner” for a while before giving name or gender, specifically as a test to see how people behave. I refuse to make assumptions either way, but another coworker said “oh, but aren’t you employed?” “not a business partner, the other kind” “oh! Oh my… so you… you’re…” “:halo: married without the paperwork. Dave and I expect to get the paperwork done whenever it becomes convenient, but so far it hasn’t been” “o:o:o” “:brighter halo: What, is there a problem?”
Most people I know will correct any misunderstandings relatively fast but in an off-hand manner. As Teacake and others have mentioned, either a sentence with the correctly-gendered pronoun or an evidently-gendered name (if your partner’s is one of those) work just fine. It’s the other person who’s got the job of telling themselves “100 lines: I shall not make assumptions… I shall not make assumptions…”
I’m sort of curious why the OP doesn’t just use her name if revealing her gender is okay (I can understand not coming out to coworkers, but the OP seems all right with doing so), like “My partner, [insert name].”
I work with one of my friends from college - and have know her orientation for over a decade since she dated another of our friends - and while she’s never uttered the word “girlfriend” to our work friends in my hearing, she does use Janie’s name frequently enough in a romantic context that everyone gets it.
I’m in a heterosexual relationship right now, but I always refer to Z.R.Test as my partner. Most people don’t assume a gender, but if they did I’d correct them immediately if I felt like it. If it’s a stranger I’ll likely never see again I may not bother, but I would with a coworker or acquaintance.
I get a little defensive about it, because I don’t feel like my partner’s gender is really anyone’s business unless/until I choose to reveal it.
I’ve never had a reason to correct anyone on it. When people make assumptions and speak of my “husband,” if their correctly knowing my partner’s gender doesn’t make any difference to anything—and it usually doesn’t— I just let it slide. It’s a form of closet lite, I guess. I’m perfectly open about being lesbian, if the subject of sexual orientation has a reason to come up. Or if I’m simply talking about my partner and say “she.” It isn’t something I’d just up and volunteer out of context, any more than I’d volunteer my bra size or any such personal information that’s trivial to the subject at hand. After all, straights don’t go around announcing they’re straight to everyone they meet. If I really wanted someone to know I’m with a woman, I would simply refer to her as “she” and there would be no need to correct. The hearer would quickly figure it out for themself. I wouldn’t say it with extra emphasis, either, as that would be a form of correcting.
A somewhat sneakier form of closet lite would be to say either “my fiancé” or “my fiancée” and let the hearer try to guess which of the two identically pronounced words is meant. To say “my partner” isn’t necessarily gender-neutral, since I think gays say it at least twice as often as straights say it, when they don’t feel like volunteering their sexual orientation.
Or maybe I was influenced by that scene in American Beauty: “I’m Jim, and this is my partner Jim.” “You guys run a business together? What are you selling?”
When I was a teenager I worked with a woman who was a lesbian who also had a side business she ran with her significant other. I had never heard the word “partner” before to refer to someone you’re dating so when she slipped one day and mentioned her girlfriend I told her I was shocked she was gay. And then she was shocked that when she said “partner”, I assumed that meant just a business partner.
Of course, then she ended up marrying a man like a decade later.
o:o:o” “:brighter halo: What, is there a problem?”