Another hypothetical. The perspicacious may note that it’s similar in tone to the one about cremation & burial; that is not an accident. I’m interested in exploring the limits of our notions of honor and obligation.
The first hypothetical here is about Sandra. She lives in Memphis (as, frankly, all characters in my hypos should be assumed to be unless I say otherwise) and grew up in a black Pentecostal church that teaches Biblical literalism, no sex outside of marriage, a physical and eternal hell, and so forth. Sandra’s paretns were both very active in their church–her father, Abe, is a pastor, while her mother, Mary, is a Sunday School superintendent.
Sandra grew up very passionate in her love for Jesus, and to this day she believes in many but not all of the church’s teachings. She’s fine with charity, honesty, keeping promises, and so forth; but she doesn’t believe a loving God would send anyone to Hell for eternity. She has also always had a problem with the teachings about sex, because she’s never been attracted to men. When she was 19 and in her second year of college, she became attracted to her dorm roommate, Cordelia. They have a single sexual encounter. The fact that it was an outstandingly wonderful night did nothing to make Sandra feel less guilty.
Wracked with guilt, she withdrew from both family and friends, cauising her parents to be very worried about her. When they came to her to see what was bothering her, she confessed what had happened. Both were horrified, as they are certain that her being a lesbian would send her to the Pit fo fire. But they didn’t respond with verbal or physical violence. Instead they suggested that they all pray together, for Sandra’s forgiveness and healing. When that was over Sandra felt better, and she promised her parents that she would never ever be with a woman again. She moves out of the dorm and ultimately transfers to another college so she won’t be tempted by Cordelia again.
That was in 1999. Sandra’s mother died a year later of cancer; her father a few months after that. Part of Sandra has always suspected it was because he wanted to be with his wife in heaven.
Ten years past. Sandra keeps her vow to her parents. But she never marries because, while she doesn’t hate men, getting penetrated with a penis is the most disgusting thing she can think of. In early 2010, while having coffee at Starbucks, she chances to see Cordelia again. All her feelings of love rush back. Joining her for coffee, Cordelia reports that she married a year after that one wonderful night. The marriage lasted five years, ending when Cordelia had a pregnancy scare; though she did nto turn out to be with child, she decided she could go on with the marriage and risk bringing a child into what was essentially a sham marriage. Cordelia has never forgotten Sandra, she says. She’s been with other women since her divorce, but it was always Sandra she longed for; it has always been Sandra she loved. If Sandra is willing, Cordelia would like to try again.
What should Sandra do?