Let’s say that you have a co-worker named SEAN, whom straight men and lesbians should think of as female but gay men and straight women should consider to be male. (I’ll use masculine pronouns for the sake of brevity.) Sean is kind of a sad sack: not physically repulsive, but very awkward in demeanor and personality t put off all persons of his preferred sex. You don’t know whether Sean’s a virgin, but it’s prety clear he’s unhappily celibate now Sean has expressed romantic interest in you in the past, which you rebuffed gently but firmly; he hasn’t bothered you since.
One day, while you and Sean are in a basement for work purposes, there’s a earthquake. Heavy stuff tumbles, and you get pinned under a heavy object; then a fire starts. Sean is hurt too but not as badly. It’s clear that the basement is a death trao, and just as clear that helping you get out will delay his escape considerably. While struggling to free you, Sean remarks that you really should have sex with him just once if he saves you. You ask if he’s joking; before he can answer, something else heavy falls to the floor and narrowly misses him. More serious now, he says yes, he’s serious. If you want him to continue risking his life to save yours, youhave to agree to make the beast with two backs with him. Lacking options, you agree.
Sean–who has NOT ceased working to free you all this time–manages to remove hte object pinning you down. You have a broken leg so he supports you as y’all exit the building. You reach open air just as the building collapses on itself. Another five seconds and it would have been toast.
Your injuries from this incident are bad enough to put you both in the ER, but not life-threatening. A few months later, when you’re fully healed, Sean approaches yo and asks if you intend to keep your word about having sex with him.
You don’t have to keep promises made under duress. Let’s say it wasn’t exactly duress, that I made the promise in an emotional moment. If I knew for sure my wife wouldn’t mind, or I’m hypothetically single, well, I’d consider it. Even then, if I wasn’t inclined to do it with Sean before the incident I’d probably try to renegotiate. OTOH if I hadn’t had any sex for a while I might be fine with it.
Reiterating, under the circumstances stated in the OP, it’s a promise made under duress that I’m not obligated to fulfill.
I don’t see why this is limited to preferred gender, anyway. Is the assumption that we would all obviously rather die than have sex with someone of our non-preferred gender?
I wouldn’t. I’ll bonk SEAN regardless. Heck, he can be top or bottom, I don’t even care.
How about if you combine Skald’s hypothetical with the hypothetical that you’re sexually attracted to men, then we can cover two important issues with just one expenditure of hypothetical bodily fluids?
Sean didn’t put you under duress; Mother Nature did. Sean was in no less danger than you and was already working to help you before making the suggestion. And Sean was injured in providing your salvation.
Do you think Sean was obliged to nearly die in order to save you?
If you had promised to pay Sean’s medical bills if Sean saved you, would you feel free to renege?
Because a lot of people, particularly guys, will say they could not perform sexually with a person of the wrong gender for them. It’s the same reason that I specified that Sean is not physically repulsive.
No way. Threatening to let me die if I don’t have sex with her is a pretty unqualified evil action. I am grateful for having been saved, but I view Sean as ignoble and officially a “bad person” from here on out.
Ironically, had she not held the power of life and death over me and chosen to extort a promise of sex, I might have been open to a date and/or some action after the fact. As it is, I’m pretty disgusted by her. I’m as liable to keep my promise to her as I am a promise to a criminal with a gun to my head.
Sean still exploited my distressed emergency situation to extract a promise. He may not have stopped working to help me, but there was an implicit threat that he might do so if I did not comply. That’s duress. I would feel no more obligation to fulfill a promise made under these circumstances than a promise made while Sean held a gun to my head.
After the fact, if the promise were for medical bills, I might feel Sean’s was an asshole for demanding this under such circumstances, but pay his medical bills anyway - as a voluntary gesture of kindness, not as quid pro quo or through a sense of obligation. If his extracted promise were for sex, he could go and f*** himself.
I’ll take my chances with the impending building collapse, which is actually less likely than the complete collapse of the hypothetical. I would not accept Sean’s offer, so no moral dilemma about backing out of the agreement later.
I wouldn’t be able to accept any sexual opportunities unless either I or my wife are dead. And the hypothetical didn’t kill my wife. And I doubt Sean would be interested in me after I’m dead.
Sorry, some of us take “'til death do us part” seriously. There are worse things than death.
(Also now we know the reason Sean can’t get laid. S/he’s a creep)
Fortunately there’s not likely to be much fallout. What is Sean going to say? “Hey everyone! This person promised me sex if I didn’t let them die! Now they’re reneging! Why are you all looking at me like that?”
Sean didn’t simply save your life. Sean put her own life at risk to save yours when she had no obligation to.
As I asked above: If Sean had asked youto guarantee to pay her ER bills in exchange for saving you, would you feel free to welsh? What if she’d demanded half the money in your checking account? What if you owned a business and she needed a job you were offering–would you renege on a promise to give her that?