This is the setup for a romantic comedy, in which, after a makeover and a boost of self-confidence, Sean turns out to be quite the hottie.
Think of your wife in all this. If you asked her how she felt about it, do you think she’d rather see you dead than buggered by Sean? Would you rather see your wife dead, than have her buggered by Sean?
I’m still unsure if this is a man or woman we’re talking about. But if it is a woman and shes reasonably attractive then yes would bang, if not, then would not bang, it wouldn’t be the first lie I’ve told or promise I broke.
The line is this:
If I needed a bone marrow transplant or a kidney, and I was not under imminent threat of death, and Sean offered a quid pro quo - kidney for sex - then I could choose to accept the terms or reject them and try to find another option to save my life. A difficult situation, and Sean might still be an asshole, but not duress; and I’d feel an obligation to hold up my end if I had freely agreed to it.
Say Sean is broke. He’s not badly hurt yet (or thinks he’s not), but saving you will injure him. If he says, “Unless you promise to pay my deductible and copay, I’m getting out while I can.” You agree and he does in fact get hurt while saving your life.
Do you feel free to renge because you were under duress?
It’s someone you are not physically repulsed by the prospect of having sex with. If you’re a straight man or lesbian, Sean is a woman. If you’re a straight womanor gay man, Sean is male. In either case Sean is not especially good-looking but not hideous either. Think Amy Farrah-Fowler from BIG BANG THEORY, or the comic book owner from the same show.
Yes.
If it’s genuine medical bills at stake, I’d do this: first tell Sean that I was reneging because his noble act was tainted by him behaving like an asshole to exploit me under duress, then let him stew for 24 hours to make clear my view on the matter. Then proceed to pay his medical bills anyway, because that’s just the right thing to do to for somebody if you can afford it and they are a friend in need.
But if the promise that he extracted were about sexual gratification, then I’m just reneging full stop. That’s a bunch of bullshit.
No. This seems to fall under the definition of blackmail, i.e. coercing someone into a course of action through threats. The threat is passive, rather than active (that is, to not save me rather than to make a building fall on me) but I think it still qualifies as a threat.
If he had rescued me in this manner without saying anything, I would have felt so profoundly grateful that some romantic involvement might have been possible over time. But as it is, no.
Sean could consider him/herself justified in taking revenge, up to, um, un-saving your life. You could have a dangerous enemy.
On the other hand, “paying up” could encourage Sean into thinking he/she has a shot at more than just a one-time thing. You could have a romantic stalker.
For me, the “fallout” would be that it would seriously bother me to break a promise or refuse to do something I said I was going to do. It’s an issue of personal integrity. There’d also be the pity I’d feel for someone who was so desperate as to try to get sex by such means. Weighing on the other side would be, as you say, the creepiness factor. And, in this hypothetical, am I single, or do I have a wife or SO, and if so, how does she feel about all this?
You’re in the basement. Sean makes his suggestion. You decline… Sean drops whatever tool he was using to free you and walks away. OUtside he calls for help, which arrives too late to save you.
Is Sean an asshole?
googles Amy Farrah-Fowler
In this case, why wouldn’t I bonk them? Heck, why didn’t I take them up on it the first time they asked? No earthquake required.
Is that fighting the hypothetical? Presumably, I have some other reason not to want to bonk them. As of right now, there’s no downside for me.
No. This seems to fall under the definition of blackmail, i.e. coercing someone into a course of action through threats. The threat is passive, rather than active (that is, to not save me rather than to make a building fall on me) but I think it still qualifies as a threat.
If he had rescued me in this manner without saying anything, I would have felt so profoundly grateful that some romantic involvement might have been possible over time. But as it is, no.
Yes. In fact, I may be totally broke and currently undergoing bankruptcy, and will happily and without qualm lie about my ability to pay that deductible and copay so that Sean will help me.
In all of the permutations of this situation you’ve listed, the stakes (mmmm, steaks) for me are life, and the stakes for Sean are an element of risk that she considers worth a night of sex, or a $5k deductible. I am not in a position to bargain and she knows it. Who is going to say, “No, Sean, I won’t have sex with you, let me die.”? If you’re holding a gun to my head, then it’s not real bargaining; I have no option to walk away from the table.
So, Sean’s offer is not in good faith, as I have no option to refuse and she knows it. If she wants to extort promises (again, this is really extortion and not bargaining in any true sense of the word), then I’m willing to depend on her credulity to ensure that I live.
So the most important aspect of this hypothetical for you is that you want to emphasize that you’re definitely not gay, that you won’t risk getting even a hypothetical pronoun’s worth of gay on you, and that just to be completely clear on this point you only f*** attractive women?
Out of gratitude, I’ll buy Sean a vibrator and a pile of batteries. She can go fuck herself.
This is definitely coercive/manipulative behavior and nice people don’t operate that way.
" If you want him to continue risking his life to save yours, youhave to agree to make the beast with two backs with him. "
An agreement that I have no choice but to make in order to continue living is made under duress. It doesn’t have to be Sean that put me in duress. Nobody should require promises to save a life. It’s extortion.
It’s not like I’d outright refuse to honor the agreement either. Sean was under duress also, I don’t have to teach Sean a lesson by not following through, but I’m not obligated to fulfill a promise made under these circumstances. If I don’t want to have sex with Sean then I don’t have any moral, ethical, or legal reason to do so. I would express my gratitude in any way suitable since I’m assuming Sean had no evil intent.
AFF’s long virginity was due to her personality, not her appearance. Her problem was hat she was very weird and off-putting; she had as much trouble getting platonic friends as lovers. But yes, while she’s not as hot as Bernadette or even Penny, she’s not bad looking.
IS this extortion? The scenario is “If you don’t have sex with me, then I will do nothing”
How can you extort someone based on doing nothing if they don’t comply?
Incidentally, I wouldn’t decline - I’d just make the promise, and renege later.
Sean’s only an asshole if his decision about whether to help is based on some quid pro quo under duress.
If Sean is just making a decision about whether to risk his life to save me – well, I’d call him heroic and exceptional if he did it; just a normal human being if he didn’t.
Because doing nothing leads to death.