Gay Marriages/Parenting?

Doesn’t seem much like a debate so far. I suppose Gaudere recognizes the feeling. Perhaps it will be helpful to steer the subject away from its putative topic for a bit. Of course, it may be that the thread title is red-flagging the sulfur-and-brimstone crowd to stay away.
Interesting stuff that’s been appearing here, ladies and gentlemen. It’s unfortunate that there seems to be an air of preaching to the choir (can I have an “Amen” on that? --Hallelujah! Tell the Truth!).

Excuse me, I got carried away.

I’d like to delve a little deeper into AHunter3’s suggestion (implied, of course; I have no wish to put words or intentions into anyone’s mouth or mind – yet :)), that marriage should be de-recognized by the government. Although I have no legal training, it occurs to me that marriage, as it is perpetuated in the U.S. today, constitutes a class of contract which is duplicated in no other type of relationship. It can’t really be considered comparable to a corporation, can it? Of course, it could be argued that the purpose of a marriage is to provide an framework within which children can be brought into the world and introduced into society as citizens, a purpose which is not duplicated by any other type of institution. But then we might also want to question whether this view reduces people within a society, and their children, to resources and commodities. If the institution cannot be defended as having a civic purpose, then perhaps it should no longer be recognized. If, on the other hand there *is[/] a civic purpose for it (that purpose being exclusively one of producing new generations of citizens), it’s difficult to argue that it should be available to persons who choose not to engage in the production of new citizens. If manhattan is following this, perhaps he could enlighten me on the question of whether any corporation is required to have a purpose in order to be legally recognized as such. Interestingly, should government de-recognize marriage as having status in a court of law, that throws into question the concept of criminal courts being enjoined from compelling the testimony of a witness against said witness’ spouse (once again, manhattan, I turn to you: is that actually a constitutional guarantee, or is it simply something we have inherited from the tradition of common law?). It strikes me that in times of antiquity, this limitation on prosecutorial powers may have been limited to preventing compelled testimony from a wife against a husband, but not necessarily the other way around. I have no direct knowledge of whether this was ever so, but it would be consistent with the myriad ways in our history in which the wife in a marriage was considered to be her husband’s property. Should such a development be implemented with any degree of expeditiousness, the folks in Boulder might be able to make use of the removal of such a shield. This might even get Contestant #3 to join the debate over whether gay marriage/adoption should be allowed.

Polycarp, two questions: 1.)Does your screen name signify anything in particular (you know, like poly=many + carp=a kind of fish => the name Polycarp memorializes the feeding of the multitudes)? 2.) In your OP, you wrote:

Would you be so kind as to detail exactly what you disagree with: a)not being averse to
“registered domestic partnerships”, b)opposing gay marriages, or c)their logic? And if it’s not too much trouble, what do you perceive their logic to be?

Hope this helps get things jump started. Now, I’m gonna click on to gaudere’s link.

Kayla’s Dad, I picked this as my screen name ten years ago because it was unusual (hence stood out from RockMusicFan394 or WClinton9822) and because I highly respect my namesake, who has a fascinating story. He was converted as a boy by St. John the beloved disciple in his (John’s) old age, became Bishop of Smyrna and was widely renowned as a compassionate, committed, rational Christian (don’t say it, Dave! :), wrote some interesting letters, in turn converted Irenaeus, and was martyred at a ripe old age (either he was 86 when he died or he had been a Christian for 86 years, which would make him around 100; the phrasing is sufficiently vague to allow either answer). Anyway, I’ve tried to emulate him (except that if possible I will pass on the martyrdom thing).

My position:

  1. There is nothing “wrong” with domestic partnership registries, but there isn’t a whole lot right with them either. They’re kind of a sop that don’t-rock-the-boat functionaries in cities with an openly gay population element can offer them while “keeping marriage sacred.” I don’t know if anybody but me has noted that since they are by definition available to both gay and straight couples, they constitute a back door access to term marriage.

  2. I am for any two people who love each other having the right to pledge that love before the magistrate (and before God if they believe in Him) and create a permanent commitment to a family. I would not be averse to polyanthropous marriages (I coined it to cover the whole gamut of > 2 people possibilities) but don’t think they would work well in practice. It takes a lot of effort to stay in loving commitment to one person you’re living with for years on end, much less three or four others!

  3. As far as I’m concerned, God will bless any union made with love and commitment. I can very much respect those who don’t see it that way. And I feel like those three politicians are simply trying to play “get the gay vote without losing the conservative Christian vote,” though for McCain at least that is unfair; he has shown that he has the courage of his convictions, and apparently believes exactly what he says.

Just a question here–what is the purpose of gay marriage? If it is to obtain economic benefits such as insurance coverage, rights of survivorship, lower tax rates, parenting options, etc, then why not allow any two people to form a lifetime contract? Parent & child, siblings, good friends? Plenty of single people live with a parent and it would be nice to be able to treat the parent as a partner to get health insurance. I had an aunt who lived with her 2 cousins–it simply made economic sense for them to live together. One of them was deaf and kept house. The other two worked. It would have been nice for them to be able to designate the others as social security beneficiaries and health insurance recipients. But, on the other hand, it sure would raise the cost of insurance and deplete social security coffers fast.
If gay marriage is to make a sexual relationship socially acceptable, that is a different question (and I really HATE hearing about ANYBODY’s personal sexual life!) :slight_smile:

Sign me,
The prude of the world

Smilingjaws, you appear to be assuming that the only reasons that two people would marry are for the economic benefits accruing from marriage and for “regularization” of a sexual relationship. I would venture to suggest that of all the heterosexual couples who have chosen to marry, approximately 2% married for the first reason and none for the second.

Before anyone jumps me about the 2%, I would note that in addition to the classic fortune-hunter stories so beloved of B movies in the past, a lot of real people are motivated by economic situations. One of my aunts married her first cousin at age 70, having been single until then. He had lived with her parents and her for all his adult life, and they loved each other platonically. He found that he could most effectively provide for her future by marrying her so that she would receive his pensions as his widow, and so proposed. He died one day after her rights as his widow became vested.

Besides that little sidelight, I suspect that any gay person who desires to marry wants it for the same reason any straight person does, that he/she loves the other person and wants to commit to him/her for the rest of his/her life. This would include providing for him/her as his/her financial situation permits, certainly, but the financial reason is not viable.

My response to any homophobic speaker who would make a statement like “the only reason gays want to marry is to guarantee themselves a permanent sex partner” would be “I pity your wife.”

BTW, in a lot of cases of the sort you indicate, I have heard of situations where person X provided for non-related person Y by adoption, even when both were adults. There was a news item a few years ago where a 70-year-old man with a pension and a terminal illness adopted a 65-year-old disabled neighbor who had been cared for by his parents until their recent death in their 80s, allowing some benefits he had which included care of a disabled child to take care of the 65-year-old after his death.

I don’t think smilingjaws meant that quite the way you read it, polycarp. I think smilingjaws meant that, perhaps gay people want to get married so that their relationship, already regularized, will be acceptable outside their house. Homosexuality isn’t just a matter behind closed doors, as long as it exists along side heterosexuality, and there are business parties, PTA meetings etc. where you are invited to bring your spouse. It’s not about regularizing something personal, it’s about being able to proudly hold up your belonging to a respected institution - marriage.

Of course, either of you can correct me if I’ve read you wrong.

I am completely opposed to the idea of same-sex partners getting married and having that marriage recognized as a legal union. For the reasons why, click here: Proclamation on the Family

I think that gay marriage is an issue that is very dangerous to our society’s well-being, and that God holds the family as a central and sacred union of souls. I’m gay to an extent, but I don’t believe that I have the right to defy God’s commandments by having sexual relations with a member of my own sex.

I also believe that gay marriage will, if approved by us voters, will bring down the judgments of God upon our heads.

Please read the hyperlinked reference above for further information about gender- and family-related doctrine (of the LDS church).

I hate to be rude, Bill, but why on Earth would I give a fuck what the LDS or any other church has to say about who is allowed to be married and who isn’t? I, and the overwhelming majority of Americans, have decided we prefer not to have the LDS make decisions for us, or any other bunch of theists, for that matter.

You don’t want to have sex with other men? Great. Bully for you. Why do you imagine it is even remotely your business if anyone else does?

“The judgement of God down upon our heads”? I’m sorry, but give me a frigging break. I mean, really.


“I love God! He’s so deliciously evil!” - Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

Well, Phil, as far as I’m concerned, others are free to choose whatever they want to do in the bedroom. Just giving my personal opinion, which, as far as I know, is still legal to do in America.

You don’t have to believe the LDS. You’re free to believe whatever you wish. I’m not trying to force my opinions on you.

But that isn’t what you appear to be saying, Bill. You appear to be saying, and correct me if I’m misinterpreting, “Because I have chosen to be a member of the LDS religion, people who I have never met and will never meet, and who are in a loving adult relationship, should not be allowed to be married.” And you furthermore appear to be saying that Americans should prevent people they have never met from marrying because you are under the impression that your deity will punish everyone if they don’t. That is, generally, a poor reason for any legal decision.


“I love God! He’s so deliciously evil!” - Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

Phil wrote:

Well, according to the prophet’s “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” the family is a vital institution, and furthermore, it is to be founded by a union between a man and a woman (not two men or two women). I believe the prophet, so that is my position on this issue.

Again, the prophet has said that there will be dire consequences for the breakdown of the institution of marriage in our society. You don’t have to believe him, but I do; hence, my opinion. Just because Pharoah didn’t recognize Moses as a prophet, doesn’t mean Moses wasn’t a prophet. Likewise, just because the world in general doesn’t recognize Gordon B. Hinckley as a prophet, doesn’t mean he’s not one.

There are consequences to our decisions. To paraphrase an LDS scripture, if the time comes when the majority of the people choose evil and reject the prophets, God’s wrath and indignation will surely follow. Just a warning.

Boris, you read me right.
Polycarp–I think your example of people marrying to let other people have some benefits like widow’s pensions or ss benefits merely emphasizes what I posted. From the way I have read the debates of legalization of gay marriage, the major selling point to the public seems to be that gay couples deserve the same economic & legal benefits that married heterosexual couples do. I’m just pointing out that there are other pairings (or groupings) of people who have emotional ties to others and want to provide for them as well–which is what you pointed out as well.
Other people can worry about the private lives of couples–as I said, I’m a prude.

I’d respect the validity of the marriage-is-a-sacred-institution argument a lot more if it weren’t for the fact that virtually any two people can get married so long as they’re not immediate family members, underage, or of the same sex. The argument is ludicrous when two men who’ve been devoted to each other for twenty years can’t get married, but two 18-year-olds who’ve known each other for a week can.

In case you haven’t noticed, Bill, the majority of the world already has rejected LDS doctrine. Seems to me the world didn’t end. Anyway, it’s still a poor course of action to base social policy on people’s religious bigotry.


“I love God! He’s so deliciously evil!” - Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

Ah, but Phil, the world came to an end in 1914; it’s just that nobody noticed. (Paraphrase of Jehovah’s Witness teachings, only slightly tongue-in-cheek.)

Bill, several questions, none of them intended to be confrontational:

  1. Are you advocating that the government should take the LDS position on marriage as its guide on the laws governing marriage? I’m not sure that is what you meant, but other posters seem to be assuming it was.
  2. From your personal perspective, if that is not the case, what should be the laws governing marriage? (Other posters may want to put their $0.02 in here as well.) I think there is a critical question being ignored between religious doctrine, freedom, and a “secular ethic” shared by most Americans. (E.g., there are certainly behaviors that Phil, David, Bill, Gaudere, PM, Tom, Jodi, Brian, and I all feel are properly illegal. We may differ on the philosophical/theological underpinnings of why we think so, but we agree on the practice.)
  3. I started phrasing this one as a question, then realized I wanted to make it an assertion. So the question is, what is your reaction to the paragraphs that follow?

You and I agree on a God who is loving and who is active in human affairs. There appears to be very little dispute among posters to the truism that a homosexual orientation is not a choice. It has been my experience that God does not “afflict” people with things, nor impose them on them purely to test them. Rather, what they may regard as afflictions are actually His gifts to them. Their problem is in figuring out how to use them.

In my own life, such things as our childlessness have resulted in our having been instrumental in the changing of several other people’s lives for the better, and in a rewarding extended-family situation with one family which circumstances brought our lives into intense interaction with. These very positive and rewarding results would not have happened otherwise than with events running as they did. I am perfectly well aware that I am compensating psychologically in substituting the kids we helped for the kids we didn’t have; I’m simply saying that IMHO there was a teleology there that caused the interreaction of some people who needed what Barb and I had to give and themselves could give us what we needed, to everyone’s psychological and spiritual betterment.

You have asserted your own gay tendencies. Consider whether it is possible that God caused, not to punish, afflict, or test you, but because that would cause you to have particular attributes that would enable you to serve Him better in some specific role.

Phil wrote:

As Wednesday Addams would say, “Wait.”

And it’s even a worse course of action to base social policy on people’s anti-religious bigotry. Anyway, the LDS church isn’t practicing “bigotry” by trying to preserve traditional family values.

Polycarp wrote:

Yes.

No same-sex marriage, for one thing. God finds such a “marriage” an abomination, according to ancient and modern prophets.

If you’re saying that being gay is a “gift” from God, I beg to differ. I have suffered more mental anguish and social maladjustments due to my orientation than you can shake a stick at. However, I do admit that homosexuals tend to be creative people, and I am no exception. Maybe there’s a tendency to be this way when you’re creative–I don’t know. But I am quite sure that God doesn’t make people gay on purpose, so I lean toward the environmental influences as causes more than the genetic pre-dispositions. Obviously it varies from person to person.

You are not the first doomsayer, Bill, nor will you be the last, but you have all been equally incorrect and, I am certain, will continue to be. For rather obvious reasons.

Allowing homosexuals to marry does not prevent anyone from continuing to practice their religion, LDS or otherwise. Controlling the lives of complete strangers based on your religion is, however, bigotry. Plain and simple. A four-year-old can understand this.

Yes, it is.

Never let it be said that Bill was bothered by pesky minutae like the First Amendment or anything.

Say, could all the religiously fundamental types, like, go start your own damned country somewhere else?


“I love God! He’s so deliciously evil!” - Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

First, a wisecrack:

Phil, you’re wrong. If you’ll recall, most of the people who were predicting doom seemed to feel that those who didn’t measure up to their standards of purity would be attacked by large malevolent horned and hooved bipeds.

Played any computer games lately? :wink:

Bill, two points. I was trying to encourage you to take a more positive view of your stance in life. I know whereof you speak, and have absolutely no intention of belittling what you must have gone through. Think what I said through. And discuss it with God; He’ll listen.

If you choose to campaign for “family values,” that is your business. If you believe that they should be legislated, then that becomes everybody’s business.

I am reminded of what was probably the best line Mario Cuomo ever spoke. He was confronted by a committee of strongly conservative evangelical protestant christians who demanded that he reintroduce mandatory prayer in the public schools. They were of course expecting him to take the liberal viewpoint. He said:

I don’t have information on their reaction to this. But he didn’t hear anything more from them.

Well, I will continue to cherish secret hopes that Snark gets to know a gentler God than his current one and settles down with some nice young man. I would consider a loving relationship the ultimate example of “family values”.

I was just at a bookstore over lunch and saw a book titled something like “America’s Coming Depression and Bankruptcy in 1995”. Word of advice, Snark—never give specific dates out when you’re doing your doomsaying. Makes it easier to backpedal. :wink:

“Happiness is nonetheless true happiness because it must come to an end, nor do thought and love lose their value because they are not everlasting.”

  • Bertrand Russell

G’day all
According to my understanding, “marriage” - which is a technical theological term of very specific meaning, not a general one to describe any form of (semi-)permanent relationship - can only take place between a man and a woman for the same reason that water can only occur from the union of both hydrogen and oxygen. “Marriage” as such between a same-sex couple is simply not possible. BUT a permanent, contractual, legally valid relationship conferring upon the parties the same benefits and responsiblities as a marriage in the technical and religious sense is quite another matter, and, I wd have thought, a very sensible and desirable arrangement. It just blurs the issue to refer to such a relationship as a marriage - let’s leave the term in the religious sphere


It is later than you think